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My escape,It or him,which do I need more?

by theoutsidersfreak


"MOM NO!!!!"I screamed as they lifted her lifeless body out of the car.

My dad and older brother Zak were holding me back and checking me for injuries.

"NO!LET ME GO!MOM!"I screamed and tried to jerk away from them. My dad let go and fell to his knees crying but Zak held on and pulled me tightly against his chest.

"It's ok,We'll get through this,we will." He whispered into my hair.

"NO!" I screamed and fell to my knees.

That night Zak sat down on the couch next to me and slung an arm around my shoulder.

"It's my fault." I whispered and tears ran down my cheeks.

"What?Jersey,no its not." He said and turned his whole body to face me.

"Yes,it is, If I hadn't of wanted to go to the mall we wouldn't have crashed and mom wouldn't be dead." I cried into his shoulder and felt him starting to shake.

"Jersey,Its not your fault,Please,Never think that." I looked up at him and saw he was crying.

"You two should get to bed."I heard my dad's voice from the kitchen. Zak stood up and gave me one last hug before heading to his room but I just stood there.

"Jersey?Honey,are you okay?" My dad was standing in the doorway with a worried expression.I shook my head and started to cry again.

"Daddy." I whimpered and he pulled me into a hug.

"It'll be okay baby,I promise,we'll get through it." He whispered into my hair.

"But daddy,what if we don't?" I asked.

"We will." He promised.

A few hours later I was laying on my bed crying when there was a tap on my door.

"Jersey,I can't sleep.you up?" Zak poked his head throught the door and Immediatly saw my face and walked over to me.

"Do NOT blame yourself." He said sternely and pulled me into a hug.I buried my face in his shoulder and cried. I eventually fell asleep because when I opened my eyes again sunlight was pouring through my window and my clock said 3:00p.m.I crawled off of my bed and walked down stairs and saw my dad and Zak eating lunch at the table. Zak saw me and smiled.

"See,told ya she'd be up for lunch.Here sis." He said and pointed to a plate with food piled up on it.

"Ya,and she also won't eat all of that either."My dad said. I can't believe this,there acting likle nothing happened.Like mom was in her jewelry room as always.I sat at the table and toook a bite of my sandwhich. I wasn't hungry but I managed to force half of it down. When I looked down at the other half I felt a wave of nauseous.

"I'm full" I said an dpushed away my plate.I could feel my brother and dad stare at me as I walked to the bathroom. I leaned over the sink and took a deep breath. The food was making me sick,how cold I-I paused in mid thought and looked at my toothbrush. I picked it up and slid it down my throat. I gagged and bent over the toilet,Throwing up what little I had eaten.

'Sis,you ok?whats up?" I heard Zak's voice and a slite knock. I didn't pay attention,I just focused on the ringing in my ears.A few minutes later I heard him walk away and looked in the mirror. I looked like crap. I looked down at my arm and saw I had a sliver or something in it from the crash. I grabbed my shaver and gently took out one of its back up blades. I pressed it against my skin and dugg the sliver thing out. Hm,I liked the feeling,It made me feel good. I set the blade on one side of my wrist and slowley brought it to the other. I watched as my skin tore away from itself as a gentel pulse of crimson pushed through the cut. I felt myself smile and slipped the blade in my pocket.


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Sat Oct 16, 2021 2:07 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: So this was a really powerful set of scenes here. Its sort of a few very short scenes depicting a sequence of events but that common theme of grief and its effects links it all together into a powerful piece here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

"MOM NO!!!!"I screamed as they lifted her lifeless body out of the car.

My dad and older brother Zak were holding me back and checking me for injuries.

"NO!LET ME GO!MOM!"I screamed and tried to jerk away from them. My dad let go and fell to his knees crying but Zak held on and pulled me tightly against his chest.

"It's ok,We'll get through this,we will." He whispered into my hair.

"NO!" I screamed and fell to my knees.


Oh well, that is quite the powerful starting point there. It looks to be that this person has just lost their mother probably moments ago considering the context of things going on here...and everyone in the family is trying to cope with and perhaps this person is maybe taking it the worst out of all of them. Definitely catches your attention as a reader here.

That night Zak sat down on the couch next to me and slung an arm around my shoulder.

"It's my fault." I whispered and tears ran down my cheeks.

"What?Jersey,no its not." He said and turned his whole body to face me.

"Yes,it is, If I hadn't of wanted to go to the mall we wouldn't have crashed and mom wouldn't be dead." I cried into his shoulder and felt him starting to shake.

"Jersey,Its not your fault,Please,Never think that." I looked up at him and saw he was crying.


Well...it looks like the scene then changes to after everyone is back home and trying to process things. It looks like the one whose most affected here is doing so not just because of being close to their mother but also because it seems this one blames themselves for the fact that she died. You can clearly see a good relationship there between the siblings too with Zak attempting to provide some comfort and trying to show them that they are no to blame in that scenario.

"You two should get to bed."I heard my dad's voice from the kitchen. Zak stood up and gave me one last hug before heading to his room but I just stood there.

"Jersey?Honey,are you okay?" My dad was standing in the doorway with a worried expression.I shook my head and started to cry again.

"Daddy." I whimpered and he pulled me into a hug.

"It'll be okay baby,I promise,we'll get through it." He whispered into my hair.

"But daddy,what if we don't?" I asked.

"We will." He promised.


You're going along with this general feeling of grief quite well here I think. You've really managed to build up the situation nicely, and the snapshots of their grief and reactions and especially Jersey blaming themselves for the whole situation really brings across the weight of this situation quite nicely here.

A few hours later I was laying on my bed crying when there was a tap on my door.

"Jersey,I can't sleep.you up?" Zak poked his head throught the door and Immediatly saw my face and walked over to me.

"Do NOT blame yourself." He said sternely and pulled me into a hug.I buried my face in his shoulder and cried. I eventually fell asleep because when I opened my eyes again sunlight was pouring through my window and my clock said 3:00p.m.I crawled off of my bed and walked down stairs and saw my dad and Zak eating lunch at the table. Zak saw me and smiled.


Hmm...that took a slightly more forceful turn that I would've expected that sort of thing to take. I feel like the softer more comforting reassurances are the ones that would work in this situation here. This is a bit of a different tone you're creating here. I do still like these general reactions to the grief here.

"See,told ya she'd be up for lunch.Here sis." He said and pointed to a plate with food piled up on it.

"Ya,and she also won't eat all of that either."My dad said. I can't believe this,there acting likle nothing happened.Like mom was in her jewelry room as always.I sat at the table and toook a bite of my sandwhich. I wasn't hungry but I managed to force half of it down. When I looked down at the other half I felt a wave of nauseous.


Ahh this is going along quite nicely here...well not nicely, horribly for the protagonist but the effects of this guilt eating away at her and just the general grief of losing her mother is being portrayed really well here so far.

"I'm full" I said an dpushed away my plate.I could feel my brother and dad stare at me as I walked to the bathroom. I leaned over the sink and took a deep breath. The food was making me sick,how cold I-I paused in mid thought and looked at my toothbrush. I picked it up and slid it down my throat. I gagged and bent over the toilet,Throwing up what little I had eaten.

'Sis,you ok?whats up?" I heard Zak's voice and a slite knock. I didn't pay attention,I just focused on the ringing in my ears.A few minutes later I heard him walk away and looked in the mirror. I looked like crap. I looked down at my arm and saw I had a sliver or something in it from the crash. I grabbed my shaver and gently took out one of its back up blades. I pressed it against my skin and dugg the sliver thing out. Hm,I liked the feeling,It made me feel good. I set the blade on one side of my wrist and slowley brought it to the other. I watched as my skin tore away from itself as a gentel pulse of crimson pushed through the cut. I felt myself smile and slipped the blade in my pocket.


Oooh dear....definitely ending things off on a properly horrifying note there. That happened rather fast there. She really went down on quite the spiral from all the emotions and I feel sorry cause her brother and father were trying to be as supportive as they could be and yet they couldn't do much. Its a powerful series of scenes that you've presented here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, its hard to say if this is a first chapter or a prologue, although I think it leans more towards the first chapter side of things and I think you do a pretty good job of really bringing across some powerful emotions, definitely makes you want to read more here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





That smells like the inside of a tropical rainforest.
— Yoshikrab's friend