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Reasons For Living

by AliKat


­Reasons for Living

Started 27th October 2011

Prolouge

The Ending That Began Everything

She had lost her hearing during a car accident; even though her ears were not damaged she could no longer hear. Her family was gone her mother, brother and little sister were all gone. As for her father she never had one. She was alone in the hospital room even though there were others in that same room, as the doctors were discussing her condition in hushed tones. A boy in her room wondered why they bothered when she was deaf and couldn’t hear what they were saying in the first place. The girl listlessly watched the world go by through her window next to her bed. On her face were the dried up stains of her sorrow. She found that there were no more tears for her to cry as she sobbed; her body heaving and her mind numb. Her honey touched brown hair was falling dully down her back and resting on the bed as it reached past her waist, her turquoise coloured eyes were now bright blue and her eye rims puffy and red. All she wanted to know was why she was the only survivor; was this her punishment from god, if god exists? For being so cold and selfish? For not caring about people like so many of the other girls did at her school. Was it because she had used others for her gain; manipulating them and their decisions to suit her own? Was it because she liked someone she knew did horrible things to the extreme but still like them anyway? She didn’t know why she was left alone in the world and having her hearing taken away from her so she could no longer hear the birds call in the morning, why she couldn’t hear the ocean roaring or the wind rushing through her hair, or even a baby’s soft joyous laughter. She did not know. And started to not care now that her reasons for living were gone. She hadn’t known how many days that she had been in the hospital all she knew was that her reasons for living had died in a freak car crash on a cold winter night of 5th December 2011, and she was alone, completely and utterly alone in a cold cruel world.

Now the doctors were baffled. She wasn’t injured even though the car had almost crushed her to death, the only injury was a scar on her back and a few scars that had healed over the past week or so; they didn’t keep track of it very well because her ear showed no signs of healing when it should. And her ears were the only thing that had no damage whatsoever when she had come in. She had been covered in scratches, bruises and cuts that had covered her head to toe with the exception of her ears. And yet they were the most damaged second to her scar on her back that could be fixed if she had the skin replaced but she wanted to keep the scar for some unknown reason. They had only gotten her to speak a few very rare times and she could speak fine according to the doctor who tested her oral capabilities, she had not yet let them know why she wanted to keep a scar that could be permanent. They were feeding her through her drips because she wouldn’t eat, she was being taught to speak and read sign language but they didn’t know if she was learning anything. Her hearing aid didn’t help, but the doctors thought it might in time. The thought was a feeble and hope filed thought as the odds were against it ever happening.

They pitied the girl and the ones who didn’t were the ones who were too busy to spare a tiny amount of time to feel sympathy for her; after all they had seen it all before. It was just another day at the office for them.

Seeing the empty, hollow shell of a once beautiful and bubbly girl now with eyes devoid of life and shallow sunken eye sockets, now very, very visible cheekbones and hollow cheeks, once tanned and now pale bland skin saddened them but only for a second or they would lose themselves because of their work and slowly become insane from the pains of seeing broken life, death and illness. She would be out of their way some months in the near future. She would soon be a forgotten memory; the only sign of her ever being there was the doctors’ medical record stored in the massive infinite database of the states’ hospitals, and would probably not see the light of day ever again.

Chapter 1

Mourning Memories Past

It had been a year since that dramatically life changing accident and she was waiting for the graveyard to open for mourning visitors in her small apartment. She had changed schools after it. She had also changed her treatment of others and become one of the sweetest girls to be known. She was still mourning but she had given living another chance. Her cheeks would never be as full as they once were, now they were attractively slightly shallow in a way that made other females turn green with envy, her eye sockets were back to normal and her eyes now had a spark of life and a shadow lingered on days like this or when she was reminded of it. But you could still see signs of life in her eyes unlike before. None of her friends knew she was deaf because she could still speak perfectly and her lip reading skills would have even the best lip readers impressed. She hadn’t opened up to anyone. Afraid that she would lose them. She was afraid of what they would think of her if they knew.What if they knew how much of a horrible person she was? Or how she treated others? Or even her hearing problem? Would theythink she is afreak if they saw her scar?


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Fri Oct 22, 2021 7:54 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is a pretty solid looking starting point here for a story. I think you do have quite something going here...and it can make for a pretty interesting story. I do have a few issues to point out though.

Anyway let's get right to it,

She had lost her hearing during a car accident; even though her ears were not damaged she could no longer hear. Her family was gone her mother, brother and little sister were all gone. As for her father she never had one. She was alone in the hospital room even though there were others in that same room, as the doctors were discussing her condition in hushed tones. A boy in her room wondered why they bothered when she was deaf and couldn’t hear what they were saying in the first place. The girl listlessly watched the world go by through her window next to her bed. On her face were the dried up stains of her sorrow. She found that there were no more tears for her to cry as she sobbed; her body heaving and her mind numb. Her honey touched brown hair was falling dully down her back and resting on the bed as it reached past her waist, her turquoise coloured eyes were now bright blue and her eye rims puffy and red. All she wanted to know was why she was the only survivor; was this her punishment from god, if god exists? For being so cold and selfish? For not caring about people like so many of the other girls did at her school. Was it because she had used others for her gain; manipulating them and their decisions to suit her own? Was it because she liked someone she knew did horrible things to the extreme but still like them anyway? She didn’t know why she was left alone in the world and having her hearing taken away from her so she could no longer hear the birds call in the morning, why she couldn’t hear the ocean roaring or the wind rushing through her hair, or even a baby’s soft joyous laughter. She did not know. And started to not care now that her reasons for living were gone. She hadn’t known how many days that she had been in the hospital all she knew was that her reasons for living had died in a freak car crash on a cold winter night of 5th December 2011, and she was alone, completely and utterly alone in a cold cruel world.


Wow, that is a rather powerful start here. I feel like maybe it goes on for a little too long in this one single paragraph, diving this up into around three honestly is probably the best move because at the moment, this is a bit tough to read, but otherwise, this is very solid, there's so much being conveyed here that catches your attention and as a reader you instantly want to read on. So great start, just break it up a bit more.

Now the doctors were baffled. She wasn’t injured even though the car had almost crushed her to death, the only injury was a scar on her back and a few scars that had healed over the past week or so; they didn’t keep track of it very well because her ear showed no signs of healing when it should. And her ears were the only thing that had no damage whatsoever when she had come in. She had been covered in scratches, bruises and cuts that had covered her head to toe with the exception of her ears. And yet they were the most damaged second to her scar on her back that could be fixed if she had the skin replaced but she wanted to keep the scar for some unknown reason. They had only gotten her to speak a few very rare times and she could speak fine according to the doctor who tested her oral capabilities, she had not yet let them know why she wanted to keep a scar that could be permanent. They were feeding her through her drips because she wouldn’t eat, she was being taught to speak and read sign language but they didn’t know if she was learning anything. Her hearing aid didn’t help, but the doctors thought it might in time. The thought was a feeble and hope filed thought as the odds were against it ever happening.


Hmm, this part takes on a slight more summary like tone with the point of view seeming to switch here. I don't quite know if it works out for the better with this switch here though. I feel like the viewpoint of the girl we got earlier was more powerful and could just be a prologue all on its own, but here its a more matter of fact, somewhat news report style recounting here that doesn't carry the weight that the first paragraph did and it doesn't quite feel right.

They pitied the girl and the ones who didn’t were the ones who were too busy to spare a tiny amount of time to feel sympathy for her; after all they had seen it all before. It was just another day at the office for them.

Seeing the empty, hollow shell of a once beautiful and bubbly girl now with eyes devoid of life and shallow sunken eye sockets, now very, very visible cheekbones and hollow cheeks, once tanned and now pale bland skin saddened them but only for a second or they would lose themselves because of their work and slowly become insane from the pains of seeing broken life, death and illness. She would be out of their way some months in the near future. She would soon be a forgotten memory; the only sign of her ever being there was the doctors’ medical record stored in the massive infinite database of the states’ hospitals, and would probably not see the light of day ever again.


Well, yeah, this is a nice little piece to show the sort of viewpoint of the various people that treat here. It makes a lot of sense there and you can see exactly where the people who wrote that down there were coming from, but I do feel like maybe this part isn't fully needed, not in the prologue anyway.

It had been a year since that dramatically life changing accident and she was waiting for the graveyard to open for mourning visitors in her small apartment. She had changed schools after it. She had also changed her treatment of others and become one of the sweetest girls to be known. She was still mourning but she had given living another chance. Her cheeks would never be as full as they once were, now they were attractively slightly shallow in a way that made other females turn green with envy, her eye sockets were back to normal and her eyes now had a spark of life and a shadow lingered on days like this or when she was reminded of it. But you could still see signs of life in her eyes unlike before. None of her friends knew she was deaf because she could still speak perfectly and her lip reading skills would have even the best lip readers impressed. She hadn’t opened up to anyone. Afraid that she would lose them. She was afraid of what they would think of her if they knew.What if they knew how much of a horrible person she was? Or how she treated others? Or even her hearing problem? Would theythink she is afreak if they saw her scar?


Okay...not a bad way to start a first chapter, but I do hope that's not the whole thing, cause a first chapter does need to be a bit longer than that. Once again I do like this, seeing the world through this person's eyes and seeing the kind of hurt that they deal with on a daily basis as a result of this horrifying accident. It projects a nice platform for the reader to build off of.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this isn't a bad start here, but I believe this needs a few tweaks, but I find that this is definitely interesting enough that I'd want to read more here. I feel like we're already pretty invested in our protagonist from the get go and that's lovely. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
— Eric Hoffer