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Boss Girl

by Blift


OK, just so you know, this story really isn't about a Boss Girl, that was just the title i thought of first and it stuck.

“Carmen, the new girl is going to share your room, so could you take her there to help her unpack?” Mike had worked all morning sorting out arrangements for Rachel Salt, the newly arrived youngster who had to leave home because of her violent parents.

Previously, he and Gina laid down pieces of papers with some of the female Dumping Ground residents’ names on it, and spun a bottle to see who Rachel would have to share with.

“Let’s hope they’ll get along together,” commented Gina.

“Carmen? Who’d want to get along with her?” Mike had replied. They both laughed.

“Hi, I’m Rachel Salt,” the girl had red ribbons on her hair and was wearing a white frock that Elektra wouldn’t be seen dead in. Her boots her shiny black as if someone had dropped luminous paint on them. “I believe that I’m sharing your room? Carmen, is it? I used to have a budgie called Carmit.”

“That’s nice,” said Carmen. “Come, I’ll show you to my room. Our room, now. It took me ever so long to move all my things to one side to make space for you. But I’ll still help you unpack.”

“You don’t need to do that,” said Rachel. “I’ll do it on my own. Just tell me which parts of the room I’m not allowed to be in. I’ve never shared a room before. Not even with my sister.” The girl stopped at the top of the stairs. She took out a tissue and sniffed it.

“Are you alright?” asked Carmen.

“Yes,” said Rachel. “But, it’s just that when the social services moved us out of our house, they never let me go with my sister. The care home that she went to wouldn’t let me in.”

Carmen took Rachel to her room. “Look, here’s my room. I understand that you need a bit of privacy so you can unpack all your things. I’ll just leave you to do that.”

“Thank you,” said Rachel, entering Carmen’s pink palace which was half cluttered with Carmen’s junk. “Yuck, pink,” commented Rachel.

*

Lily was waiting outside the Elm Tree House for Carmen. She saw her emerging from the front door. “Where were you?” called Lily. “Come, let’s go shopping. My dad wants to take us to somewhere.”

“Oh, I was just showing the new girl my room. Why don’t you come in and meet her?”

“No, let’s just go now.” Lily practically dragged her away from the house

*

Rick was about to enter Carmen’s room to meet the new girl but he heard that she was on the phone.

“Yeah, I had her totally fooled, the spaz. I told her the story that you made up, the one about being separated from my sister. It worked, and I’ve been alone in her room for almost an hour… No I haven’t taken anything yet, because I had to unpack my stuff… OK I will, but I doubt that the hoe would have anything worth taking; she’s such a Nicki Minaj, with all this pink stuff, how old is she, 5? OK bye and I’ll meet you later, yeah?”

Rick wanted to go into Carmen’s room to see if Rachel was stealing any of Carmen’s stuff, but he remembered the rule that boys weren’t allowed in girls’ rooms. He went down to the parlour to see Tee in a conversation with Frank.

“Tee can you come with me a minute?” Tee got up towards Rick.

“Can I come?” asked Frank.

“No sorry, girls only,” he turned to Tee. “There’s something suspicious about the new girl Rachel. I heard her on the phone to someone. I think that she’s going to steal some of Carmen’s stuff. Can you go to her room to check?”

“Of course I will.” Tee strode broadly up the stars, and Rick followed. Tee went into Carmen’s room and saw that Rachel was digging her hands into Carmen’s purple handbag.

“Hey, get your hands out of there!” Tee yelled, entering the room with Rick. To their surprise, Rachel took off her lacy skirt and screamed at them.

“GET OUT OF HERE!” she pushed them both out of the door hastily, because she had to think of a way to hide Carmen’s handbag.

“What are you doing?” Tee exclaimed.

“What is going on?” Gina shouted while stomping up the stairs. She saw Rick and Tee outside Rachel’s door.

Tee said, “We saw her trying to steal Carmen’s things.”

Gina walked over to the door and turned the handle. She was mortified to see that Rachel was standing in the centre of the room with her skirt down to her ankles and her frock off. Rachel quickly slid on her clothes.

“It’s a misunderstanding, Miss.” Rachel cried. “Those two,” pointing at Rick and Tee, “They barged into the room while I was still changing.”

“OK, it’s fine, Rachel,” said Gina. She closed the door behind her. “Tee, you are in washing up duty for the rest of the week for lying and you Rick, the same thing for two weeks for entering a girl’s room. Learn to give a girl some privacy.

Inside Carmen’s room, Rachel smirked as she revealed the handbag from the back of her skirt.

*

Carmen came back from her fun day out. She came into the house and was greeted by Rachel. “Hi, Carmen,” she smiled. “How was your day out?”

“It was fine; I went with my friend Lily.”

“Wow you are like Nicki Minaj,”” said Rachel. “‘My friend Lily’.”

“What?” said Carmen. “Anyway, gotta go to our room to put my things away.”

Rachel stayed where she was and then heard Carmen scream. “Who took my purple handbag?”

Mike went running to Carmen’s room. “It was right here!” she said, pointing at the floor area next to her bed. “Someone’s stolen it!” She saw Rick and Tee coming in.

“We saw Rachel take it,” said Tee. “But Gina didn’t believe us.”

Rachel innocently walked into the room. “What’s all this noise about?”

Carmen walked up to Rachel and pulled her silly frock. “Give me my handbag!” Mike went to Carmen and pulled her off Rachel. “Enough!” He turned to Rachel. “Where is Carmen’s handbag?”

“How should I know? I never touched it.”

“Liar!” said Rick. “We saw you looking inside it earlier on.”

Mike said to Rachel, “Sorry, but we’re going to have to search your things. People are accusing you of stealing things.” He moved to Rachel’s bed and started to sift through her tings. But there was no handbag to be found.

*

“I can’t believe Mike didn’t find Carmen’s handbag,” said Tee. “I was sure that Rachel had it.”

“She must have hidden it somehow,” said Rick. “I’ve seen my parents do it so many times, which is why they were the ring leaders of a thief gang. They hid it about themselves, especially my mum. The police weren’t allowed to search inside her.”

“That’s disgusting!” said Tee. “But how could Rachel fit a handbag in her…?”

Tracy Beaker came into the living room. “Hi guys.”

“Tracy, you have to help us!” said Tee. “Well, Carmen. That new girl Rachel hid Carmen’s handbag somewhere but Mike couldn’t find it anywhere. We think that Rachel’s a thief.”

“Rachel?” Tracy Beaker looked puzzled. “Oh, that must be the new girl. I haven’t met her yet. I’ll find out if she has got Carmen’s things, and I’ll get her for it.”

Tracy went up the stairs and saw Carmen coming from her room. “Hi, Carmen,” she said. “How are you getting along with the new girl?”

“I don’t know,” said Carmen. “She seemed OK at first, but Rick and Tee told me that she was stealing my stuff but it wasn’t proved. You can talk to her if you want.” Carmen walked away, and Tracy went towards the room.

She nearly knocked, but then she heard Rachel’s voice, presumably on the phone:

“Hi Jess. Yes, I got the handbag, and I put it in our hiding place, next to the dump. Oh you found it? Good. We can sell it to someone. She’s come back, but she’s not in the room, good because I just found a £20 note she left on her pillow. Yeah and she got some things from when she went shopping today. And she’s left the receipt as well so we could just refund it. OK, meet me at the secret place at about 4PM today. OK? Bye.”

Tracy didn’t hesitate to enter the room. “Oi, haven’t you heard that it’s rude to barge into someone’s room?” said Rachel, annoyed. “Who are you, anyway? You look too old to be living here.”

“I’m a care worker, Tracy Beaker.”

“OK, Tracy Beaker. Can you get out?”

*

Tracy went to the kitchen, where Carmen was. “Carmen, there may be a way to get your handbag back.”

“How?”

“Well, just come with me at 4PM, and we’ll see if it’s there.”

“OK,” said Carmen.

*

At about 3:55PM, Rachel went to Mike. “Mike is it alright if I go outside for a bit?”

“Where are you going?”

“Just out somewhere.”

“OK, but don’t be back late.”

Rachel slid out of the office and made her way to the front door. Tee saw her leaving and went to Tracy.

“Tracy, Rachel’s going out.” Tracy got up to look for Carmen. She found her in her room, sulking.

“Tracy, someone’s took my £20 and some of the things that me and Lily got today. It must be Rachel.”

“I’m onto it,” replied Tracy. “Come with me outside. We’re going to follow Rachel.”

Both of them rushed out of Elm Tree House. They saw Rachel walking around the corner. Tracy and Carmen cautiously followed her, hiding out of sight in case Rachel turned around.

“It looks like she’s heading for Wood’s Mill,” said Tracy. Sure enough, Carmen and Tracy saw that Rachel stopped in a waste heap. This was the same dump where Tee Taylor had found the notorious gun.

“Let’s just wait here for a bit, until her friend shows up,” said Tracy.

“What friend?” asked Carmen.

“Sh!” said Tracy.

A girl a little bit older than Rachel came into view, carrying Carmen’s purple handbag. “My handbag!” cried Carmen.

Rachel got out a plastic bag. She took out some objects from it. “These are the only things I found,” said Rachel. “Oh, and the £20 note, here it is.” Rachel took the £20 from her shoe. “So apart from that, I got a lot of make-up that we can refund back. The girl didn’t open the containers yet, so we should be allowed.”

Tracy said to Carmen, “OK, now.” They both walked up to Rachel and the other girl. “Right girls, got you red-handed. Rachel,” Tracy turned to the other girl. “And Jess?”

“How did she know my name?” Jess asked.

“She must have heard me on the phone,” said Rachel.

“Give me back my stuff!” said Carmen. “What were you trying to do, sell them?” Carmen snatched the plastic bag from Jess and the £20 from Rachel’s hand. “You’re not sharing my room anymore.”

“I wouldn’t want to share your clammy room anyway” Rachel answered.

“Right you two girls,” said Tracy to Jess and Rachel. “You’re going to come to Elm Tree House so that the head care worker could talk to you.”

“I’m outta here,” said Jess, walking away.

“Oh, that’s fine. If you want me to get the police involved,” smiled Tracy.

Jess came back.

*

“OK girls,” said Mike, not in the office. “I have to think of suitable punishments for you. Rachel, you’re on washing up duty for the rest of the month.”

Rachel had a grumbling face.

“Jess, since you don’t live here, I need to contact your parents.”

“I live in a care home, sir,” she said. “Sylvan Lodge.”

“Ooh, let’s see what kind of punishments Elaine will think of,” laughed Tracy.

“You know her?” asked Jess.

“So, I will call Elaine then,” said Mike. “Oh, and by the way, Rachel, you’re not sharing your room with Carmen anymore. You can have the spare room downstairs.”

The spare room downstairs was the only room downstairs which had a bed, and it belonged to no one because the kids each wanted a room upstairs.

*

“Thanks Tracy,” said Carmen. “I’m glad that that witch is not sharing her room with me.”

“Thanks to these guys,” said Tracy, beckoning Tee and Rick. “They’re the ones who told me that Rachel was a thief.”

“Oh yeah, thanks guys,” Carmen added.

THE END


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471 Reviews


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Fri Sep 24, 2021 9:20 am
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Forever here with a review!!

Boss girl might not be the best title for the story. Think of something else. Maybe something like a thief girl or the girl without a heart or maybe surreptious meeting. Something like this will do, I guess.

Now with the asterisks. Asterisks are important when it comes to indication of the breaks but your writing has too many asterisks and you have given them when they are not at all required. This piece had a total of 8 asterisks.

I’m a care worker, Tracy Beaker.”

“OK, Tracy Beaker. Can you get out?”

*

Tracy went to the kitchen, where Carmen was. “Carmen, there may be a way to get your handbag back.”

“How?”

“Well, just come with me at 4PM, and we’ll see if it’s there.”

“OK,” said Carmen.

*

At about 3:55PM, Rachel went to Mike. “Mike is it alright if I go outside for a bit?”

Like these two. At these two places, the asterisks were not required.

The plot was quite good. It makes me wonder if the intentions of these two sisters were to rob people and do some income. Like why would someone do that when they are getting everything? I mean the centre should provide them with all the required stuffs and it's quite natural that people will doubt her if she buys extravagant things. Something more which I wonder about is the age of those people and that would also help to clear up a bit about the going out thing. Like she was extremely new and though I don't know, I do think that they are required to give some information about where they were going. I would expect that. Yeah, one more. Why did the people not judge this violence factor? Like if it were solely for violence, I would have expected both the sisters to leave at once and go to the same care home. Perhaps, it was for the ill behaviour of Rachel that they sent her away. Then her sister too is not in a good situation.

This Gina didn't seem to be an excellent person. Like why she really judged the old ones instead of the new one? I don't think they did anything wrong earlier. That too seems a bit out of order. Glad that all the mysteried were solved and they arrived at the exact timings to hear the phone calls :D

Keep Writing!!

~Forever




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Wed Mar 07, 2012 2:16 pm
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writeitalldown wrote a review...



Well first off, your short story is pasted twice?
Besides that, I don't think your writing has a strong enough voice. Also, I don't see the point of your story. There is no moral, no lesson - besides maybe, don't steal things while you're in a home or you'll get the spare bedroom downstairs? There are alot of unintroduced characters and unexplained relationships, that's okay if you're attempting to make them seem mysterious, but, I just don't see that as your intention. This, to me seems like a middle of a longer story and the beginning was lost and the end has yet to be written. I'm not trying to be a critic, sorry if I'm too harsh.





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