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Chaotic Evil

by MorningStar


Preface

A knock came to the thick wooden door of the goldsmith’s house. Outside, the air was chilly with winter. Snow blanketed the ground around the modest cottage where the family of seventeen resided. The goldsmith’s wife went to the door in her robe to keep the draft from freezing her. There in the doorway was a strange man was standing very close to the door. The woman started, and called for her husband, who rushed to her side.

“I have a box of rubies,” the stranger told the couple. “A fine box, full of fine jewels. You’re interested, are you not? They’re for you, goldsmith.”

The husband swatted his wife aside and stood face-to-face with the visitor. “How can I believe what you say? You’re not but a beggar! The only way a being such as yourself could’ve gotten your hands on such fine jewelry is through thievin’, and I shan’t have dirty jewels in my works!” The goldsmith spat, slamming the door shut in the face of his impish visitor.

A black boot blocked the path of the door. “You’d be making a poor decision, throwing my offer to the gutter, just like that,” the stranger said with a laugh. With strength defying his fragile old frame, he thrust the door open, sending the surprised goldsmith back a few paces.

The stranger pulled out a box. It fit in the palm of his hand, made of dark wood with gold furnishings. “My name is Samuel,” he said as he polished the miniature treasure chest on his dirty sleeve. “And I have this chest here full of jewels- yes- rubies!”

The goldsmith, intrigued at the small parcel the man was holding, strained for a better look. The stranger opened the chest to reveal a plethora of blood-red rubies of all different shapes and sizes.

“Do you want these rubies?” the stranger asked.

The goldsmith gulped. With these, he would be able to create something that would make it so that he would never have to work again.

The stranger frowned. He did not like to be kept waiting when he was doing business. He also wanted to be out of the possession of those accursed jewels as soon as possible- but not for free, of course. “I’ll ask but once more. Do you want these rubies?”

The goldsmith sighed. He checked over his shoulder for his wife, who stood like a phantom behind him. “How much are they?” he asked as he looked at his spouse.

“What do you have?” the stranger asked. He couldn’t suppress a laugh. He knew he had his customer, and that soon he would be free.

Uncomfortably, the goldsmith admitted to having very little. He had a large family and a small business which made just enough to take care of the household that would have eighteen members in the early spring. However, these rubies were real. He took one out of the box and examined it closely. Yes, they were real, and he could not pass up such an offer as a crazy drunkard trying to sell a box of gems. Where they came from, the goldsmith did not care. They were in front of him now through a strange series of coincidences, and he was not going to allow such a treasure to escape him.

The stranger seemed delighted with an offer of a new pair of shoes and a golden ring. The old man left, leaving the doorway smelling of unwashed body and whiskey.

“Do you think that was the right thing to do?” the goldsmith’s wife asked her husband, who was bent over the small treasure chest.

“Of course!” he exclaimed, examining the jewels even closer. “They’re real! We’re going to be rich!” He put the box in the cupboard to hide it from sight.

The elderly stranger left the goldsmith’s house, laughing to himself. He was elated to be rid of the rubies. He was happy to have sold them to another, and to have gotten them out of his possession.

That’s when the goldsmith’s bad luck began.


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Sun Oct 17, 2021 2:00 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy....so this was a pretty solid piece here. It was a rather simple scene which had a bit on intrigue nicely interwoven through it right from the start before it then ended off on that nice little cliffhanger situation there towards the end.

Anyway let's get right to it,

A knock came to the thick wooden door of the goldsmith’s house. Outside, the air was chilly with winter. Snow blanketed the ground around the modest cottage where the family of seventeen resided. The goldsmith’s wife went to the door in her robe to keep the draft from freezing her. There in the doorway was a strange man was standing very close to the door. The woman started, and called for her husband, who rushed to her side.

“I have a box of rubies,” the stranger told the couple. “A fine box, full of fine jewels. You’re interested, are you not? They’re for you, goldsmith.”


Okay...well, I don't know what to make of this start here. Oh wow...its mysterious and a little bit on the creepier side with some of the descriptions going on and just the tone this man uses to speak here and yet...at the same time this sounds like it might actually still be something that's relatively normal. Its a odd combination for sure.

The husband swatted his wife aside and stood face-to-face with the visitor. “How can I believe what you say? You’re not but a beggar! The only way a being such as yourself could’ve gotten your hands on such fine jewelry is through thievin’, and I shan’t have dirty jewels in my works!” The goldsmith spat, slamming the door shut in the face of his impish visitor.

A black boot blocked the path of the door. “You’d be making a poor decision, throwing my offer to the gutter, just like that,” the stranger said with a laugh. With strength defying his fragile old frame, he thrust the door open, sending the surprised goldsmith back a few paces.


Well the goldsmith appears to have a bit of a poor character there judging by that particular reaction, I don't think I like him. Although the man here also appears to be a bit of a threatening character so I don't know who to root for at the moment.

The stranger pulled out a box. It fit in the palm of his hand, made of dark wood with gold furnishings. “My name is Samuel,” he said as he polished the miniature treasure chest on his dirty sleeve. “And I have this chest here full of jewels- yes- rubies!”

The goldsmith, intrigued at the small parcel the man was holding, strained for a better look. The stranger opened the chest to reveal a plethora of blood-red rubies of all different shapes and sizes.

“Do you want these rubies?” the stranger asked.


Well...this is getting a touch into the dramatic and I'm loving that. This stranger appears to want to scare them while at the same time said stranger is also simply just trying to get them to buy something. It makes for quite a fun moment here at any rate. The mention of rubies though is getting a touch repetitive, I feel like its been done for some emphasis and yet its getting a bit awkward towards the fifth ish mention of the rubies.

The goldsmith gulped. With these, he would be able to create something that would make it so that he would never have to work again.

The stranger frowned. He did not like to be kept waiting when he was doing business. He also wanted to be out of the possession of those accursed jewels as soon as possible- but not for free, of course. “I’ll ask but once more. Do you want these rubies?”

The goldsmith sighed. He checked over his shoulder for his wife, who stood like a phantom behind him. “How much are they?” he asked as he looked at his spouse.


The wife being completely silent in this situation seems very surprising to me. I don't see how she has a reason to be quiet here, she should be expressing some sort of opinion here. If she is going to even be the one to open the door, just having her hover there as a phantom seems a bit odd and unnecessary not to mention a bit unrealistic. Its not like there's anything to send her into shock or something like that to justify her not speaking in this situation.

“What do you have?” the stranger asked. He couldn’t suppress a laugh. He knew he had his customer, and that soon he would be free.

Uncomfortably, the goldsmith admitted to having very little. He had a large family and a small business which made just enough to take care of the household that would have eighteen members in the early spring. However, these rubies were real. He took one out of the box and examined it closely. Yes, they were real, and he could not pass up such an offer as a crazy drunkard trying to sell a box of gems. Where they came from, the goldsmith did not care. They were in front of him now through a strange series of coincidences, and he was not going to allow such a treasure to escape him.


Hmm...well that's the point at which you see the need for money win out whatever morality the man had in terms of where the rubies may have come from. The tiny mention of the thoughts within the stranger was also very interesting, cause it seems like the rubies are perhaps not the most legally obtained ones, the stranger seems unusually glad to be rid of them.

The stranger seemed delighted with an offer of a new pair of shoes and a golden ring. The old man left, leaving the doorway smelling of unwashed body and whiskey.

“Do you think that was the right thing to do?” the goldsmith’s wife asked her husband, who was bent over the small treasure chest.

“Of course!” he exclaimed, examining the jewels even closer. “They’re real! We’re going to be rich!” He put the box in the cupboard to hide it from sight.

The elderly stranger left the goldsmith’s house, laughing to himself. He was elated to be rid of the rubies. He was happy to have sold them to another, and to have gotten them out of his possession.

That’s when the goldsmith’s bad luck began.


Well that was inevitable with the kind of thoughts going on..well, well, it certainly makes for a really fun ending here, that much I will say. I really like this ending, its a neat cliffhanger with a promise for me and its of the sort that's quite perfect for what this is meant to be.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, I think this makes for a really nice piece here. I certainly enjoyed the read quite a bit and I think you've done a good job here, with perhaps just a couple of mistakes scattered about. I certainly find myself wanting to read more of this story here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.
— Abraham Lincoln