Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well, this is a pretty smooth start here for a story. I think its got a nice little balance of a neat opening to sort of establish the situation with some immediate conflict to make you want to continue reading and find out more.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Monitors beeped around me, my body hot and weak, my baby drawing nutrients from me, killing me…
“You’re here,” A tear slipped down my cheek as Dragon touched my forehead, beaded with sweat, before he turned to leave, “Wait! Please stay!”
“I won’t leave you Trinity,” He smiled, eyes glistening in the dim light.
He put his duffel bag against the window sill, pulling out a necklace with an amazing diamond pendant, placing it gently over my heart, which was when I took his hand and held it against my heart, loving the feel of his fingertips against my skin, providing a relief from the pain.
Oh, an interesting start there. We have a rather emotional moment happening here. There's a bit of wholesomeness happening but there also appears to be a bit of pain involved, although from what I can see is the happy kind of pain and not a sickness of some sort, so well, a sweet little start here.
He sat beside me, putting his hands on my swollen belly… Looking at me apologetically, a sight that made me want to throw myself at his feet and beg for him to stop…
“Please stay with me tonight…” I looked at the chair beside the bed, then back to him.
“I will,” He smiled, raising his hand to my heart before lowering it down to my belly again, “My child…”
He was so bemused…
Hmm, well, the wholesomeness certainly continues there. This is a very neat little start for this story right here and there are certainly a very nice relationship being depicted here right from the very beginning of this piece here. Its a great way to start things off.
“Our child… I’m so happy you’re back…” I smiled, glancing at the door to see Mila, Freya leaning against her side.
“Let’s call her Angel…”
I nodded, fighting tears as the man of my dreams smiled at me with such love…
Dragon stood, walking around the bed, and lowering himself into the chair beside my bed. He pulled a spare blanket over him, pulling a lever that raised the foot rest, turning on a side to face me.
Hmm, well a couple of interesting names there, not the sort of thing you run into too often which makes me wonder if these are some sort of code names or nicknames or if that is actually meant to be the real name of the person.
“Thank you Dragon…”
“Sleep Trinity… Rest up… I’ll be here when you wake up…”
I closed my eyes, his amazing face the last thing I saw before the long, sleepless nights took their toll on my body.
I opened my eyes, letting them adjust to the light, smiling as I let out a happy sigh, my fever easing, my child calming down.
Alright, well that's perhaps the first sign of a potential issue, I have a feeling that promise there is not going to be kept and that's perhaps what might kick this plot off the ground here, especially considering the title that we have there.
“Good morning my sweet Dragon,” My smile widened slightly as I turned my head to see Dragon, but I realised there was no pendant on my heart, and the blanket Dragon had used last night was folded neatly and left on the chair, his duffel bag gone too, and before I knew it, tears were sliding down my cheeks.
Then it happened…
The contractions… I was having my child… And Dragon wasn’t there… The father of my child wasn’t there, the father of my child had left me again…
Ahh, well there we go. This is one of those rather typical moments unfortunately where the start is simply a little too wholesome to last and we immediately have a switch towards a much sadder scene happening even as what should be a happy moment is taking place there.
I cried out in pain, the last thing I saw was people rushing into the room, before my vision reduced to a blurry mess.
“Breathe honey, breathe,” A nurse tried in vain to calm me down as I gave birth to my child, vision returning, I was in a completely different room, my best friend holding my hand as I cried out in pain.
I wished with all my heart that Dragon could be here… He’d turned tail and left us as soon as he found out I was pregnant… Left me… Left me with my best friend, little sister and unborn child. Then he’d visited again, promised he’d stay… Then left as soon as we were asleep…
Well, a bit of a summary there towards the end, which is normally not the best idea to start a story with but in this case it actually somewhat works here I think...so, this ends up being a pretty solid ending cause it sort of tells you the stakes at the start, and this is neat little first piece here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this is a very solid start to this piece here, and I think it manages to do its job rather well. This was certainly interesting enough that I'd totally read more of this having read this first bit.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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Reviews: 4095
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