Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Okayy...this is an interesting start. Certainly a powerful message here and it does make you want to read on, but I'm afraid this character here isn't likeable at all, so that could be an issue if you want him to be the protagonist here. He seems to have zero redeeming qualities at the moment.

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was a Wednesday morning at school, you know the days you hate, nothing going on before school, nothing after. Not to mention it was the first day of school and I have had zero hours of sleep. I was searching the hallways, my red eyes shifting from face to face looking for my best friend Janos. See me and Janos go way back he's like one of my best friends and we always have each others back and stayed close until recently. Weeks before school started he began posting things on facebook, saying he had to "leave" he was being "forced" to go somewhere and he was thinking about ending it all. This kind of selfish talk really hit me sorely, I had lost a few friends to suicides before and I wasn't going to let it happen. I was looking to beat some sense into his silly ass.

The bell rang and I searched another two minutes for him, to no avail. With one minute left I bolted to my Anatomy class.

'DING"! The bell rang I was just in time.

Okayy..so, not a bad start here. Slightly cliche I have to say...its a very standard sort of start and I feel like we spend a touch too long on Janos and his description, but then for the most part, this is a decent opening that does get your attention as a reader.

I walked in class looking for any familiar faces, to only find one, Janos. I felt a rage fill my stomach I wanted to go over there and punch him straight out his chair. Janos was average height, light skin, black hair (sometimes blonde), and normally wearing black. He was normally in a good mood, well a good mood for him anyway, but lately he seemed distant and "EMO" it really pissed me off!

"Find a seat young man" I didn't even notice my teacher standing there looking me over.

"Sure, my bad" I said finding the seat next to Janos. "What's your problem?" I said with I hint of anger in my voice and piercing eyes.

He knew I was serious bout without looking up "it is none of your concern".

Okayy...well that was quite an interesting moment. It seems these two are in a bit of a point where they aren't getting along so well. Now that does make things a bit more unique and much more interesting, so this is shaping up to be a good first chapter here.

I looked at him and I felt my fury forming "none of my business! You. . ." I stopped myself then lowered my voice "you are publicly deciding to end your life".

"Excuse me! But if your going to continue you to run your mouth you can leave" the teacher spouted.

"Yeah my bad again ill keep it down".

The rest of the class went by like any other first day of school, kids sleeping, introductions, class rules, and expectations, "bleh" spare me. But all the while I couldn't help but think about everything he had been saying and I was getting more and more angry.

Okay...that was a genuine death threat there by the main character and I don't know if that's really called for. I suppose we don't know the exact circumstances here, but that's a very extreme decision here and that doesn't really make us like the main character either, which is something that needs to happen.

Finally the bell rung and me and Janos where the last to leave due to our "disruptiveness" in class, or so it was deemed by our teacher. On the way out I stopped Janos to talk. "If there is something going tell me" I said looking straight into his dark eyes.

"Its NONE of your business" he said.

That almost sent me over the edge and with a flash I had him up against the lockers by his caller, causing a huge bang to be heard through out the hall.

Aaand, yeah, well I already really don't like this protagonist here, he seems to be a bit of a bully and he doesn't seem to even try to understand the magnitude of what's going through his friend Janos' mind. Not the greatest way to open here. Its a very realistic portrayal of what can sometimes, but if you want us to like this character, that's not going very well here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, not a bad starting point here. It does its job well as the opening to a story, its just that issue I have with the protagonist's personality and what you hope to accomplish there.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry