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You should totes ignore this.

by Carina


Lalala, nothing to see here.


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401 Reviews


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Mon Aug 15, 2022 10:57 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I’m going to read your other works.But for now, I’ll review this. Why? Because I can! First of all, this was incredibly breathtaking. This sentence is so meaningful and powerful. I burst into tears. Second of all, your original story you had sounded interesting. I would have liked to see it. But this is fine too. In fact, it’s just perfect. I hope that you will have an amazing and lovely day and night.




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Sat Aug 13, 2022 11:09 pm
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LizzyTyler says...



Wow! I absolutely love your wordplay and descriptive language you used!

Lalala, nothing to see here.

This sentence is very, without another way to put it, grammatically aesthetic. With a comma in the beginning, giving a well balanced pause in the sentence, and a period at the end to tie it all together, I really enjoyed reading it!

Lalala


Now this line, I think could be shortened. It seems a bit long syllable wise, especially compared to the rest of the sentence. I think it might flow better if you remove a syllable. Perhaps something like this?
Lala, nothing to see here.

Then again, having three syllables might also balance out the sentence, leaving more “weight” to the left of the comma. But at the end of the day, it’s your work, and you get to choose! All in all, I enjoyed reading your work, and I hope to see more of your work around! Stay safe and keep writing!

-Lizzy




Carina says...


lol you MADLAD



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Fri Aug 12, 2022 12:01 pm
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PaigeFantasy says...



the fact there is a full on review on this tells me you removed the original text and replaced it


( don’t mind me just scrolling through old works *whistles while walking past* )




Carina says...


definitely not me being insecure and removing it 10 years ago lol



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Wed Mar 10, 2021 5:22 am
MapleWay says...



Hmm... Seems sus.




Carina says...


OH NO LOL



MapleWay says...


XD



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Tue Jan 03, 2012 6:19 pm
Blues wrote a review...



Hi Carina!

I hope you had a good New Year :) Let's get started.

First impressions: This was good! I really enjoyed the prologue. It was definitely interesting, and a pleasure to read, BUT. And this is a big but. The first lines... let this down. Which is a shame.

Yesterday was the last day I was on Earth.
I remembered it like it was…well, yesterday.


1. It should be 'remember'.
2. Secondly, the second line is a let down :( This was pretty good, the whole prologue I mean, but it feels a bit... cheesy? I'm not sure what it could be instead, but the first line was interesting. The second is a bit off-putting.

In this, I felt that the mentioning of the cat was a bit unnecessary. The original mention was okay, seeing as it was about the keys, but the second time wasn't really needed there.

Nasty Nitpicks. I hate them myself XD

Schoolwill would start in, what? A week?

Grammatically incorrect.

Why did my neighborhood attract weirdoes?

Logically, because it ends in 'o', it should end in 'es' like Volcanoes, but this word is an exception and should be 'weirdos'. Weird, isn't it?
/fail of a pun


There was nothing more, nothing less. She didn’t specify which school, exactly, only leaving me to assume that she meant the only high school in town.


I think it's a bit obvious there. It also makes it a little bit more dramatic. I think it might increase tension, personally.

and it’s it was really pissing me off.

I'm assuming you meant 'it was' by 'it's'.

Nitpicks over XD

One thing I do like about this is that it feels very... when you write, it feels natural like how a typical teen would say stuff without the slang and stuff. It feels quite natural and yet I think that makes it special in a way.
...I think that's over with the nitpicks.


...you might know some of us already—Cassiel is a small town—and we know you are Chance. But I do not think I know your…sister?”

She said sister like she wasn’t sure who or what Reni was, exactly. She is somewhere between a scarecrow and a brick, but who could she be…oh, his sister! I think.


The bold was confusing - was it a message/code or something? If it was, that's totally fine, but if not... what do you mean by it?

Italics - XD

From there on, it was all good :] One thing I should point out is that I was leaning towards a female voice here instead of male. I'm not sure how to help in that sense, but it all comes with practise, so don't worry about that. I'm struggling to do the opposite - trying to make a voice sound more female. I thought I'd just let you know, so you don't get shocked later.

But anyway, that's it! I hope this helped you out, and well done for an overall great prologue. It's really intriguing and you've done well :)

Keep Writing!

-Mac





Space: the final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no man has gone before.
— Captain James T. Kirk