Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy..this was a pretty unique take on the whole princesses and kingdoms side of things in the world of writing. I don't believe I've run into something quite like this before...and it really makes for a very intriguing opening here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Sarah held the dress up and smiled at her daughter to encourage her.
“You are going to look like a princess tonight”, she said, “Feel this tissue. It is even more delicate than silk”.
Annabel looked at her sadly.
“I don’t want to be a princess”.
That was something no fourteen year old girl was expected to say, but for Annabel it was nothing but the truth.
Sarah sighted, left the dress on the bed, and went back to her daughter, holding her hands and smiling lovely now.
“Honey, I know this is hard for you. I wish you didn’t have to do this, being so young” She dried a tear before it fell on her right cheek and continued “but things changed after you father’s death. We are on our own now, and my health will not allow me be around for so long. I need to know you are in good hands after I’m gone to your father and I don’t know any better person than Prince Elijah.”
Okayy...well this is an interesting start. It definitely is very out of the ordinary when we have someone being called a princess accurately and them clearly not liking the prospect of that at all. There's also a nice bit of backstory slowly being created there and so far I'm loving where this is going.
“You are saying that because he is a prince” Annabel looked away from Sarah’s eyes. The eyes that could make her do everything.
“Yes, because he is a prince” interrupted Sarah, just touching her daughter’s chin, delicate as always “because I know he will do everything for you and will give you everything you need or want.”
Annabel felt her heart beating fast as she fought the tears. She always had a hard time demonstrating weakness in front of people and her mother was not exception to that.
It was so unfair. They had been a happy family until the king arrived at the small town of Columbia Heights three years earlier trying to convince her father to join his court. They had been friends a long time ago and nothing could explain why the king suddenly remembered that. Obviously, Annabel’s father got suspicious, but there was no one capable of saying no to king Alfred.
Okayy...well this is a nice bit of detail to slip in there. Normally when you dump in bits of backstory like this into the middle of a paragraph, things can come off sounding a little bit off, but here you manage to slide it in pretty nicely I think and as readers this instantly creates some nice doubt in our mind as to what this other person may have been upto.
So, Annabel came with her father, mother and little brother to the South and her father’s suspicion turned out to be right. One day they were awakened in the middle of the night for a messenger saying the king needed her father’s presence with urgency. But they never got to the castle alive. The bodies were found not far from the house, apparently normal, without bruises, wounds or anything that could kill someone.
And the, two years after that, when everything seemed to be back from normal, Sarah’s health became compromised and even the doctors couldn’t find what it was. Now she was only deteriorating and it was just a matter of time until her death.
“I just wish someone could tell me what is happening” said Annabel with a trembling voice “It seems like everything is changing and nothing makes sense.”
Sarah was beginning to talk but someone knocked the door. It was Marie, one of the slaves, the only one allowed to touch Ben, Annabel’s brother.
“Lady Sarah, the boy is crying your presence.”
Okayy...well it seems with whatever went down that particular night, a whole host of problems followed that ended up causing some real trouble in multiple places. It certainly seems like they are currently in a pretty low point because of everything here adding up on them.
Sarah looked at Annabel with a sad smile.
“The slaves will be here in few minutes to bathe you. I will come as soon as I can”.
Annabel kept staring at the closed door, once Sarah was out. Now that she could cry, it was the last thing on earth she wished to do. Maybe it was the mention of Ben’s name. Yes, her little brother would need her. She had to do this for him.
Annabel went to the mirror and looked at her image. Her ears were red, something that always happened when she was nervous. Other than that, she could understand why Prince Elijah fell in love with her. Her skin was white and soft, her eyes a different kind of blue, that made a beautiful contrast with her yellow hair.
But even Annabel herself could see the sadness crossing her face, shadowing her beauty.
There was a knock on the door and three slaves entered. It was time to bathe.
Hmm...well this is an interesting moment there...and on top of all of that, a very interesting moment to simply imagine for a bit, especially with all the backstory and context provided. Its a very unique situation for a story in this style and I think it really makes for a very intriguing piece here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I think we're off to a pretty neat start here. You've managed to create a rather intriguing world there in the background of things and it really does stand out as a pretty unique take on a fairly common storyline here. I'd certainly love to see more of this piece.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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