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Introduction

by LightOnyx


What if all of a sudden all you believed in was just... myth?

This was how Alexis Stark felt when she witnessed the death of her bestfriend, Erik. Not only that, but the way he died... is chilling. Nothing felt real anymore. Alexis flinches everytime she sees a hand moving in her direction. She locks herself up in her room, day after day, too scared to face reality. The counseling just made her feel worse, scaring her deeper into her lonely, scarred thoughts.

This is...

People Lie...


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Wed Sep 15, 2021 2:32 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

What if all of a sudden all you believed in was just... myth?

This was how Alexis Stark felt when she witnessed the death of her bestfriend, Erik. Not only that, but the way he died... is chilling. Nothing felt real anymore. Alexis flinches everytime she sees a hand moving in her direction. She locks herself up in her room, day after day, too scared to face reality. The counseling just made her feel worse, scaring her deeper into her lonely, scarred thoughts.

This is...

People Lie...


Hmm, well, well I don't quite know about introduction, but I will say that this is something that would make for a truly killer blurb right here. There's just enough unanswered questions and the sense of things to come in the plot for it to work out great in that role.

Now analyzing a bit deeper into the plot itself here...we have some very interesting things going on. First of all we get to see that this person has witnessed the death of their best friend which would be a very powerful thing in its own right, but then on top of that one, we've also got the fact that his death itself was more than just a simple thing...which just elevates things to an entirely different level.

The lines that then continue to describe the state that this put Alexis in shows that its not simple grief that's affecting her here, but whatever that death was, it also left her very paranoid and a bit unable function almost with the kind of situation being described there. All in all this combines to be a properly chilling sounding premise there.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Sep 18, 2011 2:57 am
FadeWriter wrote a review...



You definitly got me excited for this story! It sounds good, I love to read this when you do post it.
The only thing I wanted to say was this (correction in red):

Not only that, but the way he died... is chilling #FF0000 ">was . . . chilling.


I'm sorry if I was no help!




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Sat Sep 17, 2011 10:44 pm
Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there! Welcome to the site!

I'll start off by saying that this definitely pulled me into this stroy. You did a good job giving us enough details to keep us informed, but there isn't enough to make me stop reading. I want to know what happens next. I want to know who killed Alexis's best friend. Who was her best friend? Why was her best friend killed? I have so many questions, but I know they will be answered once more chapters are added.

There are a few grammer errors in this, but I'm sure once you read this over again, you'll find them. You switched from past to present tense a lot. You should pick one and stick to it. Also, you used an ellipsis (is that how you spell it?) a couple times as well. I personally don't think you need them, but it's not necessary to change where/how they are used.

Overall this is a good start. Let me know when you post more! Keep writing! :)





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