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The One

by EvensLily

The One with the fire,
The One with the ice,
The One who knows nothing but throwing the dice.

The One with the heart,
The One with the knife,
The One who knows nothing but paying the price.

The One with the action,
The One with the herd,
The One who wants to be free like a bird.

The One with the Life,
The One with the word,
The One who wants to be heard.

The One who stumbles,
The One Who falls,
The One who has the voice of all.

Which one are you?

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184 Reviews

Points: 9200
Reviews: 184

Wed Sep 15, 2021 1:59 am
chikara wrote a review...

Ooh this is cool. Hello hello ~

I really enjoy the repetition. It does feel a bit too similar at some times, but I feel like that's what you're going for. It creates an idea that the narrator is almost pressuring the reader into picking which one suits them the most, but the stylistic choices kind of change my mind on that because it's sticking to a firm layout if you know what I mean.

The capitalization of the word One makes me feel like it has importance - possibly in a religious way. The attributes associated with The One all fit into the idea of "creator" esque traits, with nature and "throwing the dice" of life. The line about the voice of all also makes me feel that way because it adds more perspective to the poem.


The One who stumbles,
The One Who falls,

This adds more of a dark twist to it honestly. Stumbling and falling in a religious manner hints to something more darker - like not owning up to your sins. It also points me towards this referencing not God, but one of the many people who have done evil acts in the many religious texts. The "paying the price" could work with either of those really, so this being ambiguous is both a good thing and a bad one to me.

Which one are you?

This is really interesting to me because I'm not sure it fits in with the rest of the poem, but it also does work from some angles. Instead of the figure of The One being just one important figure, maybe the narrative dwindles back and forth between both. That would explain the differences in more dark ideas to lighter, more "normal" religious images. The One with fire and ice does not equal The One who stumbles and falls.

That's all I can pick out. Happy RevMo!
-- chi

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Points: 922
Reviews: 12

Sun Sep 04, 2011 12:31 am
Snikkia wrote a review...

Wow, I loved this poem a lot! I, like someone whoever posted before me, thought this would be the stereotypical love story poem, but instead I found myself reading a really awesome, creative, and well thought-out one! The only grammatical mistake I noticed was that you mentioned "The One with the word" twice, although I believe that's been pointed out before. But I only really noticed that once I'd read through twice. Also, "The One who wants to be heard" is a little bit off tempo, or at least the rhythm I was imagining while reading this. I feel like it needs to be a couple syllables longer, however Im not sure how you were phrasing it. Overall, excellent work! Keep writing!

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1634 Reviews

Points: 67548
Reviews: 1634

Sat Sep 03, 2011 3:53 pm
Deanie wrote a review...

I like your flow with this poem and the repetitiveness. It was really good. I only have two little nitpicks though:

EvensLily wrote:The One with the fire,
The One with the ice,
The One who #FF0000 ">know nothing but throwing the dice.
I think you meant to put 'knows' here.

EvensLily wrote:The One with the action,
The One with the #FF0000 ">word,
The One who wants to be free like a bird.

The One with the Life,
The One with the #FF0000 ">word,
The One who wants to be heard.
It stood out to me the fact you used word twice. Maybe you could replace it with something different in either of the verses? I'm sure there are other rhyming words.

Overall, I liked this poem and I think you did a good job.

Deanie x

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1417 Reviews

Points: 3733
Reviews: 1417

Sat Sep 03, 2011 2:10 pm
Noelle wrote a review...

Hi there!

I really enjoyed reading this poem! When I first saw the title, I thought it was going to be another love poem, but it definitely wasn't, it was better than that. You did a great job describing each situation (I guess that's what you'd call it) or rather each personality in this. You picked five different things and made them work together. Your rhyming is solid and this flows really well. It has a definite rhythm to it making it an easy read (which is a good thing).

Overall I really loved this poem! I honestly couldn't find anything wrong with it. Keep writing! :)

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11 Reviews

Points: 999
Reviews: 11

Sat Sep 03, 2011 2:04 pm
WebzTycoon says...

The one poem that won my heart. Simplistic. I like it.

Memories, left untranslated, can be disowned; memories untranslatable can become someone else’s story.
— YiYun Li