Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Branches brushed against air, their remaining leaves dancing in smooth, delicate incisions. There they were, a range of different colors, yet… they created a song as one. I wondered why people couldn’t be so. It was rare to find a group of people that had barely anything in common, getting along so easily. As these leaves so effortlessly did.
I pried my eyes off them, despite their transfixing spell. Golden hazel eyes picking a self-assured it.
I ran my fingers through familiar obsidian locks.
OKay, very interesting start there, it is a little tough to see exactly what is being described or who because I feel like as the readers we are missing a tiny bit of context which isn't a massive issue, but I feel like you need to try and be just a teensy bit clearer about what exactly is going on in this piece right here...so yeah that's what I have to say about this opening.
There it was.
He smirked boyishly as he summed an obviously younger looking girl passing by. I’d say she was about fourteen or fifteen. The sad part? He appeared as though he were in college. With a local Mosscreek community college hoodie. He snickered something to his friends while nudging his square chin towards her direction.
In actuality, it wasn’t sad. It was sickening. It hit me like a spear to the heart… and during that second, inner demons flashed before me.
Now I'm starting to see some kind of glimpse of this being some sort of romantic situation with someone pining after this boy and getting hurt at seeing said person interact with others. The start gives off some kind of fantasy vibe, but this is definitely the opposite, so well, I must confess to being slightly lost with where this is going, but it is still interesting here.
I slide on rectangular framed sunglasses… of which I figured were Versace by the symbol on either side. Beginning what I called a trial, I looked at him with such conviction that if my eyes weren’t concealed by frames, he’d feel as helpless as a child in a crowded market place. Or a fish surrounded by a swarm of great whites. Or more accurately, a tiger being wickedly watched by a lion twice the viciousness it could ever possess. Driven to no return.
This is it. This is it.
THIS IS IT.
OKay now the last part of things makes me think of someone about to head into some kind of confrontation or assassination. I'm jus not sure with this piece right here. It appears to be trying to tell you many things and yet at the same time kind of doesn't tell you much. It does intrigue but...I think you need a bit clearer about what this story is meant to be here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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