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Dream

by oceanwriter99


The water all around me was slashing into my face making it hard for me to see and breath. I held on desperately to a piece of floating wreckage I had some how manage to swim to. Resting my head on the floating piece of wood, sure I wasn't going to make it I felt something touch my foot. Panic swam through out my body like a tsunami. I didn't look down afraid of what I'd see.

I laid my head back down on the board. The ripple of the ocean soothing but at the same time sickening at the same time. I felt sick to my stomach all of a sudden. I felt the vomit come out of my mouth, but I didn't have the strength to move my head away from the vomit filled water. As the vomit twirled out into the open water I began to smell jet fuel in the air. I looked up in the air looking for the plane but saw nothing.When I looked back down from the cloudless sky I saw a boat. But not just one boat, more than a dozen! There were tug boats, fishing boats, oil takers, pirate ships, cruise ships, and for some strange reason the Titanic sat in the sanctum of ships and other boats.

As I looked over the ghostly ship I became aware of the other people floating in the water with me. They were all screaming, crying, and begging for help. But the boat's had began to move away from us. My heart sank as I watched the boat's drift away. And before I knew it panic once again filled my heart when I pulled under water. And every thing went back.

Authors Note: This is a recurring dream I've been having lately, and I feel all dreams have a reason. It's just the reason for this one is still in murky water.


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Thu Sep 23, 2021 1:40 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

The water all around me was slashing into my face making it hard for me to see and breath. I held on desperately to a piece of floating wreckage I had some how manage to swim to. Resting my head on the floating piece of wood, sure I wasn't going to make it I felt something touch my foot. Panic swam through out my body like a tsunami. I didn't look down afraid of what I'd see.


Well, this is off to an intriguing start here. Thinks look to be in the middle of a pretty good panic there...and you can sort of sense some kind of disaster has happened, but its not necessarily the end of said disaster quite yet but the worst of it is still yet to come. There's a foreboding sense about this opening paragraph for some reason...and it does make for a pretty neat opening paragraph.

I laid my head back down on the board. The ripple of the ocean soothing but at the same time sickening at the same time. I felt sick to my stomach all of a sudden. I felt the vomit come out of my mouth, but I didn't have the strength to move my head away from the vomit filled water. As the vomit twirled out into the open water I began to smell jet fuel in the air. I looked up in the air looking for the plane but saw nothing.When I looked back down from the cloudless sky I saw a boat. But not just one boat, more than a dozen! There were tug boats, fishing boats, oil takers, pirate ships, cruise ships, and for some strange reason the Titanic sat in the sanctum of ships and other boats.


Okayy...cool...that is actual looking at some rather crazy stuff there, it does make on wonder quite a bit...this somewhat reminds me of the story of the Bermuda Triangle but of course the Titanic definitely sank in a totally different place, so this is all very interesting. All in all, I think you're balancing this crazy powerful dream sequence while showing the shocked state of our character here really well.

As I looked over the ghostly ship I became aware of the other people floating in the water with me. They were all screaming, crying, and begging for help. But the boat's had began to move away from us. My heart sank as I watched the boat's drift away. And before I knew it panic once again filled my heart when I pulled under water. And every thing went back.


Okay...now I'm getting reminded of some kind of place where souls lost at sea collect or something, there's definitely a lot of ways that you can spin a tale that starts like this...and you've so far done a great job establishing this little setting and the sheer terror within this main character here. Overall, this makes for a lovely start right here. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sat Oct 12, 2013 1:07 am
sapphiredawson wrote a review...



I'm literally shaking right now! Update now! This was so horribly tragic right now I'm crying but that's only because I'm a MEGA nerd! I Have watched titanic so many times only to have empties countless Kleenex boxes!

As for these dreams you been having I see this as a result of obsession. Of titanic.

I think this because the words in this short story are so real so amazing I cant even wrap my head around it! You are obsessed with Titanic! You can't get over it! I cry myself to sleep sometimes because I think of the poor souls who went through death as slowly and painful as possible.

So in case you are wondering about these dreams NO you are not crazy or weird you just...are like me!

I Think it could have been longer and maybe you should start writing down all your dreams you Know!

It would be soooo interesting to post what happened in your dream! You could post chapters everytime you had one!

I know i'd like to read that....

Ok so anyways think about my idea and yeah! Byebye




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Thu Apr 07, 2011 1:03 pm
Day wrote a review...



Apart from the corrections that everyone else made I don't have much to say. The only comment I have is that it is really short. Also if I dreamed this over and over IM ight get kind of weirded out especially if I was vomiting. Well it's a good start. Are you planning on only writing when your dream advances or are you going to expand on your own?

Lastly your sub-title thingy reminded me so much of the line in kingdom hearts where Sora says "I've been having these weird thoughts lately, like is any of this for real or not?" Gahh I'm such a nerd.




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Tue Apr 05, 2011 1:05 am
Yanni1995 wrote a review...



This is a good piece. I've got some things to point out though.

The water all around me was slashing into my face making it hard for me to see and breath. I held on desperately to a piece of floating wreckage I had some how manage to swim to. Resting my head on the floating piece of wood, sure I wasn't going to make it#0000FF ">(here you can use either a comma or 'when') I felt something touch my foot. #FF0000 ">Panic swam through out my body like a tsunami. #0000FF ">(This is a nice simile.) I didn't look down afraid of what I'd see.

I laid my head back down on the board. The ripple of the ocean soothing but #FF0000 ">at the same time sickening #FF0000 ">at the same time.#0000FF ">(Be careful, you've got a repetition here.) I felt sick to my stomach all of a sudden. I felt the vomit come out of my mouth, but I didn't have the strength to move my head away from the vomit filled water. As the vomit twirled out into the open water#FF0000 ">, I began to smell jet fuel in the air. I looked up in the air looking for the plane but saw nothing.When I looked back down from the cloudless sky I saw a boat. But not just one boat, more than a dozen! There were tug boats, fishing boats, oil #BF0000 ">takers#0000FF ">(tankers), pirate ships, cruise ships, and for some strange reason the Titanic sat in the sanctum of ships and other boats.


As I looked over the ghostly ship I became aware of the other people floating in the water with me. They were all screaming, crying, and begging for help. But the #FF0000 ">boat's#0000FF ">There should be no apostrophe had began to move away from us. My heart sank as I watched the #FF0000 ">boat's#0000FF ">(no apostrophe) drift away. And before I knew it#FF0000 ">, panic once again filled my heart when I pulled under water. And every thing went #FF0000 ">back.#0000FF ">I think you mean 'black'

That's all. I hope it helps. Keep writing!




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Sun Apr 03, 2011 5:16 pm
jesskare says...



This is good, you just need to check over your writing to make sure you haven't repeated anything :) xo




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Thu Mar 31, 2011 8:54 pm
HorsebackWriter wrote a review...



oceanwriter99 wrote:The water all around me was slashing into my face making it hard for me to see and breath. I held on desperately to a piece of floating wreckage I had some how manage to swim to. Resting my head on the floating piece of wood, #FF0000 ">I was sure I wasn't going to make it #FF0000 ">when I felt something touch my foot. #FF0000 ">Panic swam through out my body like a tsunami.#0000FF ">I like this line. I didn't look down afraid of what I'd see.

I laid my head back down on the board. The ripple of the ocean soothing but at the same time sickening #FF0000 ">at the same #FF0000 ">time. #0000FF ">You don't need to say it twice. I felt sick to my stomach all of a sudden. I felt the vomit come out of my mouth, but I didn't have the strength to move my head away from the vomit filled water. As the vomit twirled out into the open water I began to smell jet fuel in the air. I looked up in the air looking for the plane but saw nothing.When I looked back down from the cloudless sky I saw a boat. But not just one boat, more than a dozen! There were tug boats, fishing boats, oil takers, pirate ships, cruise ships, and for some strange reason the Titanic sat in the sanctum of ships and other boats.

As I looked over the ghostly ship I became aware of the other people floating in the water with me. They were all screaming, crying, and begging for help. But the boat's had began to move away from us. My heart sank as I watched the boat's drift away. And before I knew it panic once again filled my heart when I pulled under water. And every thing went #FF0000 ">back. #0000FF ">Back to what?

Authors Note: This is a recurring dream I've been having lately, and I feel all dreams have a reason. It's just the reason for this one is still in murky water.


I'm gald I'm not the only one who's having this kind of dream. It wasgood, just some minor word prolems to fix. ANd in the second paragraph, try not to use the word vomit as much as you did. But good job!





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