z

Young Writers Society



The One Year Social Experiment of a Teenager (Prologue)

by smashles


I've noticed several recurring themes in the books and movies of teenagers in our present century; for one, they're all basically the same. You know exactly what’s going to happen, and yet you read the same book only with different characters over and over again. Like all of these vampire books that are filling the shelves in book stores, or like the books Meg Cabot writes. Not that there's anything wrong with them, it's just that it seems we think that the more we read something, the more likely it will happen to us; that's why the guy always likes the girl back-that kind of stuff makes us feel good. There's a sense of security that maybe there's actually hope for us in high school.

Another thing; no books or movies are ever written about fourteen year olds. Sure, when we’re eleven and twelve we read books about eleven and twelve year olds, but when we get to thirteen and fourteen we read books about fifteen, sixteen, seventeen year olds. It’s like they missed an entire two years of our lives. Is it because nothing interesting actually happens in those two years, or have authors just forgotten that they exist?

Well I’m here today to change one of those things. Ellie Denham, fourteen-year-old girl of Ballarat Grammar School, pleased to make your acquaintance. Admittedly, I will be turning fifteen during the course of this story but that’s because a fourteen-year-old’s life is incredibly boring. Well, mine is.

In this book you will uncover the truly horrible secrets of what some would call my life as a fourteen-year-old, but what I call the One Year Social Experiment of a Teenager. Well, that’s what I’m calling this diary anyway. But there’s nothing really experimental about my life. I’ve never been one for science.

So just sit back and relax as I tell you the gruesomely boring and detailed (but not too much as I don’t want to scare you) version of the story. My story. (If this was a movie there would be some cool song as the camera flies quickly but smoothly around the school, but as this is a book I’m hoping you have the decency and imagination to do that yourself.)


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
4074 Reviews


Points: 250888
Reviews: 4074

Donate
Fri Sep 24, 2021 9:54 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I've noticed several recurring themes in the books and movies of teenagers in our present century; for one, they're all basically the same. You know exactly what’s going to happen, and yet you read the same book only with different characters over and over again. Like all of these vampire books that are filling the shelves in book stores, or like the books Meg Cabot writes. Not that there's anything wrong with them, it's just that it seems we think that the more we read something, the more likely it will happen to us; that's why the guy always likes the girl back-that kind of stuff makes us feel good. There's a sense of security that maybe there's actually hope for us in high school.


OKay...for a second I had to double check there to make sure this wasn't some kind of piece by analyzing other stories with teenagers in it...but hmm, so this does appear to be a prologue for a story, so let's see where this is going here. As far as starts go, this is a pretty decent observation to make. It definitely seems accurate to me anyway...aand it does catch your attention as to why someone would be thinking about this.

Another thing; no books or movies are ever written about fourteen year olds. Sure, when we’re eleven and twelve we read books about eleven and twelve year olds, but when we get to thirteen and fourteen we read books about fifteen, sixteen, seventeen year olds. It’s like they missed an entire two years of our lives. Is it because nothing interesting actually happens in those two years, or have authors just forgotten that they exist?

Well I’m here today to change one of those things. Ellie Denham, fourteen-year-old girl of Ballarat Grammar School, pleased to make your acquaintance. Admittedly, I will be turning fifteen during the course of this story but that’s because a fourteen-year-old’s life is incredibly boring. Well, mine is.


Okay...so I'm guessing the character here is very much supposed to be aware of the fact that they are in a story...either that or its them writing this story...its a little tougher to say. At any rate, that's not a terrible way to pitch a story here, you point out a spot with not many stories written about and then claim to fill it in...although the declaration that this could be painfully boring does not give one too much hope.

In this book you will uncover the truly horrible secrets of what some would call my life as a fourteen-year-old, but what I call the One Year Social Experiment of a Teenager. Well, that’s what I’m calling this diary anyway. But there’s nothing really experimental about my life. I’ve never been one for science.

So just sit back and relax as I tell you the gruesomely boring and detailed (but not too much as I don’t want to scare you) version of the story. My story. (If this was a movie there would be some cool song as the camera flies quickly but smoothly around the school, but as this is a book I’m hoping you have the decency and imagination to do that yourself.)


The repeated mentions of how boring this is going to be is not a great way to start a prologue, I will say that. You might want to look at avoiding that. Its one thing to be a little humble and say something like "you might not find my life all that interesting" but this suggests that there really nothing of worth happening in the book and that can function like an anti prologue where this seems to suggest its a bad idea to read on, cause not many people will want to read a boring day to day diary of a regular fourteen year old...unless there's something to make it an interesting story, you wouldn't even be writing after all...so think about that one a little...the start is fun, but this ending is a touch...problematic.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




User avatar
884 Reviews


Points: 28282
Reviews: 884

Donate
Sun May 01, 2011 6:18 pm
StoryWeaver13 wrote a review...



You know, while there are books out there about 14-year-olds, I do agree that after the coming-of-age years they just don't have a lot of that same sort of trend, so I get what you're saying. This could be a cool book, so I'll get started on the next chapters, but in the meantime my advice is just to make this stronger. While I know you're trying to be humble and realistic, I don't think introducing your own story as "boring" is the wisest way to begin. While it could still use a little more work, I do like your character and I think this has potential.
On to chapter one.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver




User avatar
529 Reviews


Points: 30280
Reviews: 529

Donate
Sun Feb 06, 2011 5:49 pm
xDudettex wrote a review...



Hey!

I like the sound of this! I, for one, am fed up of trawling through books about vampires to find a book with a decent story line. I can't help writing the whole - 'boy likes the girl back' cliche though. It's just so darn feel good :P

I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this. Just be careful not to contradict your prologue and make it like all of the other diary structured teenage books that are out there, e.g - The Georgia Nicolson stories by Louise Rennison.

I hope you pull it off and come up with an original twist :)

Can you let me know when you post more please?

xDudettex




User avatar
44 Reviews


Points: 940
Reviews: 44

Donate
Sun Feb 06, 2011 8:23 am
emalily wrote a review...



All I have to say is there is so books about 14 years olds! I will list them:
Georgia Nicolson
That other book by Louise Rennison
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

And I'm sure there's others!

But your story sounds interesting :)




User avatar
80 Reviews


Points: 575
Reviews: 80

Donate
Sun Feb 06, 2011 6:44 am
MUCHO wrote a review...



Interesting...promising, but I think it can definitely be stronger. Maybe instead of being so general, you can go more in depth and give some examples of the books you are talking about. You just say that all books these days are the same (which is true if you read those books) but you don't PROVE it-but I would think about reserving your proof for the storyline, maybe a scene where the narrator comes to this realization.
Also, I think that you can get to the basic point of the prolougue much quicker, you could blend all the things you list, because the numbering sort of lengthens it unecessaraly-also, you could enlist some other words, for instance:

"There are several things I’ve noticed about teenage books and movies in the 21st century."

I would write-"I've noticed several sprawling themes in the books and movies of teenagers in our present century; for one, they're all basically the same..." and I could definitely shorten this

but that's just what I would write, I like to use a good word to catch attention, and there isn't a better word than Sprawl out there, and the original phrase of -teenage books and movies in the 21st century-isn't very, Artistic?

another example-

"It’s like we think that the more we read it, the more likely it will happen to us.
Number two: The guy that the girl likes always likes her back. We like reading that kind of stuff because it makes us feel good, like a sense of security that maybe there’s hope for us in high school."

I'd write

"It seems we think that the more we read something, the more likely it will happen to us; that's why the guy always likes the girl back-that kind of stuff makes us feel good. There's a sense of securitry-maybe there's hope for us in high school?"

Here you get rid of the double "it" in the first line, and you blend the first two lines that go together very well, and then gives you a chance to ask a question of your reader or yourself, better drawing the audience in-which is something you do well with the plain conversational tone, that which I suggested earlier was boring, but if you just add a few choice words, a mix up the sentence structure than this can work very well.

On the whole, I am very interested in reading this, because I share the exact same ideal, there are whole shelves and tables at Barnes & Noble right at the front with all those pathetic vampire and magic books. I feel these "books" suck the soul out of the person, and am looking forward to what you think.

Definitely get rid of the numbering, and leave out the (nothing) in that line about the horrible secrets, because it's basically telling the reader that there's nothing to read!

Very promising :) Just some aestetic changes and a few redrafts and this will be very interesting indeeeeed!





My one true aspiration in life is to make it into the quote gen.
— avianwings47