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I think my brain just died...

by Snoink


I think my brain just died,
Though I thought it would go with a pop.
Or maybe a huge explosion
That would rock the entire Earth!
Earthquakes would start
Followed by floods.
And then the crust itself
Would collaspe
Until everyone cried:
"Why did her brain
Have to die?"

But instead it stopped
With just a fizzle
And a nod of the head.


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Thu Sep 17, 2020 4:14 am
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LittleLee wrote a review...



Here I come to review another long-forgotten piece.

I don't think I can actually criticise anything, and obviously asking doubts will confuse the both of us, so...

Well, I can straight-off see the vast improvements you've made in writing poetry, but that doesn't demean your older work! This little poem is as bewildering and funny as Lovely Chicken, so here's another gem I have to put up. :D

So, the story of this poem (if you can call it that) is... intriguing. And truly funny! I really like how you want everyone to notice your brain dying but.... Pfft. It's gone before you know it. Haha.

Earthquakes would start
Followed by floods.
And then the crust itself
Would collaspe

I was thinking you could work on this a little bit? After "start," insert a comma, replace the fullstop after "floods" with a semicolon, and after "collapse" (which was spelled collaspe - 'tis a typo, I think) insert an exclamation mark. That'll go nicely with the previous one.

But instead it stopped
With just a fizzle
And a nod of the head.

I love this so much that I can't explain why. xD

Well, now that I've successfully dug this out of your memory, I'll be on my way!

It's great reading your old work. :D

- Lee

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Fri Feb 24, 2006 2:54 am
Crayon says...



Snoink your such a cutie! Im sure if my brain died i wouldnt even notice so don't worry :D




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Fri Feb 24, 2006 1:38 am
Snoink says...



Hehe!

This only means one thing... I might become a poet yet! :D




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Thu Feb 23, 2006 10:13 pm
xanthan gum says...



are you kidding me? i think my brain just died.
nonetheless, it's cool, if not just decidely true. :lol:




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Thu Feb 23, 2006 4:36 pm
TheBoyWhoFloed says...



I think it was really good, in an exquisite sort of way. Nice stuff.




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Thu Feb 23, 2006 3:30 pm
Rei says...



I think I'll have to second that. I can't give any suggestions or really pieces of critizism, so I'll just say that it was very funny.




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Thu Feb 23, 2006 9:58 am
Myth says...



I'm not any good at critiquing(sp?) poems but this just made me laugh.





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