Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » Fantasy


Realms, Prologue

by Asteral


I never liked orcs. They were big, dirty creatures with sharp teeth and horns. Their smell? Oh, don't get me started with that. You could smell them a thousand miles away, and believe me, you do not want your friends to run away because they mistaken an orc’s smell for yours. My father always talk proudly about orcs, well, that's because his one. Yup, to be honest, I'm an orc too, but I never liked the way we act. I mean, whenever I look at my fingernails, I could have mistaken them for corns. My father always tells me story about how we orcs triumph over every war we had with the monkeys. Well, that's what he calls them. Since I never saw one, he always described them to me as… creatures with many white horns in their mouth and countless black spikes on their head. To me, that sounded awesome. Anyway, my nails are getting too long. Perhaps I should ask Dad if I could borrow an axe from him…


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
2379 Reviews


Points: 252170
Reviews: 2379

Donate
Sun Sep 26, 2021 6:03 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I never liked orcs. They were big, dirty creatures with sharp teeth and horns. Their smell? Oh, don't get me started with that. You could smell them a thousand miles away, and believe me, you do not want your friends to run away because they mistaken an orc’s smell for yours. My father always talk proudly about orcs, well, that's because his one. Yup, to be honest, I'm an orc too, but I never liked the way we act. I mean, whenever I look at my fingernails, I could have mistaken them for corns. My father always tells me story about how we orcs triumph over every war we had with the monkeys. Well, that's what he calls them. Since I never saw one, he always described them to me as… creatures with many white horns in their mouth and countless black spikes on their head. To me, that sounded awesome. Anyway, my nails are getting too long. Perhaps I should ask Dad if I could borrow an axe from him…


Okay...well this one...is actually a really fun little chapter here, but I do have to say that this doesn't really sound like a prologue here. this seems much more like the sort of introduction that you expect as the first paragraph of a first chapter here...the protagonist here seems to be doing some introducing..and so in that case I think as a prologue, this doesn't really work.

On the other hand, though, this does make for a really good start to a story. The biggest thing that struck me was how likeable the voice of the protagonist is here. I find myself very interested in knowing more almost purely based on just that, not that that is the only interesting, but its what stands out the most. Adding to the likeable voice, we have the fact that this is from the POV of the arc, and from that description of a human, you just know that this particular POV is going to lead to some hilarious descriptions and I absolutely love that.

Overall, this seems to be off to a really good start here...and I for one would certainly like to read more of this story. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




User avatar
884 Reviews


Points: 28282
Reviews: 884

Donate
Wed Dec 29, 2010 1:49 am
StoryWeaver13 wrote a review...



Hey, thanks for reviewing the first chapter of my novel, thought maybe I'd return the favor!

First going out and touching on a couple of things that people already pointed out. First: yep, orcs were created by JRR Tulkein. Not really too important, but thought I'd have the question answered. Outside of that, my view's that this needs some work. Don't get me wrong, it's a lot better than the first pieces of work on the site (believe me) but there's definately room for improvement. In a prologue, the idea is usually to raise the tension and suspense, foreshadowing things that are to come. It's kind of an extra hook. In fantasy, getting a glimpse of things ahead of time can also be helpful for welcoming the reader into your world, because clearly it's a lot different than ours. I think that in general you might try to find another approach to this, because it just doesn't seem to click. It's a unique main character, though, so if you can find a way to make (him/her?) relateable, you could have an interesting story.
Hope this helped.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver




User avatar
816 Reviews


Points: 44887
Reviews: 816

Donate
Sun Dec 26, 2010 10:38 pm
Shearwater wrote a review...



Hey there!

Wow, this was a pretty short prologue. You might want to try lengthening this and giving us some more information regarding what you're trying to say or what kind of plot you're hinting that. Usually a prologue introduces some sort of problem or plot and is used to captures a reader's interest. Try making this longer and giving us more details on your character and this world that you've created. =3

-Pink




User avatar
362 Reviews


Points: 4206
Reviews: 362

Donate
Thu Dec 23, 2010 2:38 pm
wonderland wrote a review...



Alright, so, um, I'm not exactly sure what to think of this. You give some description, but not enough. Something also needs to happen in the piece, some action that would bring out some emotions to tie your MC to your reader. Though, I do have to applaud you on your odd character choice, which also brings up a question. Didn't JRR Tolkien make up the Orcs?

~WickedWonder





"Don't tell me the sky's the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
— Paul Brandt