Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Novel / Chapter » General


Average (Prologue)

by PinkViper


Note: This is my very first piece I'm posting! A rough prologue of what I hope will be a great story. I'm open to any and all criticism. I hope you like!

Meghan. That's a pretty boring name. No offense to the other Meghans of the world, but it's very common. That was definitely part of the problem.

Another problem: Boring features. Long brown hair, straight. Dull green eyes that never sparkled. Average height. Average weight. That's what I was, average. I might as well have stamped the word on my forehead.

The only non-average thing about me was my report card. Straight A's due to having too much time to study. Too many Saturday nights spent in my room with a textbook and my iPod. Did I ever get bored? Maybe I did. Maybe I liked it. Maybe it was all I knew, to be bored.

Chores were boring. I did them anyway, without a fuss. The perfect child, my parents called me. I was anything but. Adults don't know the new meaning of perfect.

I played tennis. I was good. My parents had big plans for that. I didn't like it. Worse, I hated it. I wanted to quit. If I even thought about telling them that, they would kill me.

I had friends. A best friend. Tabby, who was not average. Above average was more like it. She was perfect. Tabby, short for Tabitha, was a very pretty name in my opinion. Tall and slender. Blonde hair and blue eyes. Model-worthy. That's probably why she was one.

Tabby Ann Addams was a model at age 16, and I was jealous. Secretly. Well, she probably knew, but she was too nice to rub it in. She was an angel in the form of a teenager. With too many friends to count, I don't know how she had time for me. We had been friends since the first day of Kindergarten. She grew into a model. I grew into...me. Whatever I was. Average.

You may say that average is not bad. Good, maybe. Even great. It wasn't enough for me. I needed to be different. I wanted to stand out. I knew where my life was headed if I didn't do something about it. Exceptional grades lead to an academic scholarship and a great college. Study to be a doctor, or maybe a lawyer. Maybe I'd get married. Maybe I'd have kids. Maybe I'd start a new generation of Meghans. No thank you.

Yes, that's who I was. Emphasis on the was. This is the story of how I turned into who I am.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
2434 Reviews


Points: 257220
Reviews: 2434

Donate
Mon Sep 27, 2021 7:56 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Meghan. That's a pretty boring name. No offense to the other Meghans of the world, but it's very common. That was definitely part of the problem.

Another problem: Boring features. Long brown hair, straight. Dull green eyes that never sparkled. Average height. Average weight. That's what I was, average. I might as well have stamped the word on my forehead.

The only non-average thing about me was my report card. Straight A's due to having too much time to study. Too many Saturday nights spent in my room with a textbook and my iPod. Did I ever get bored? Maybe I did. Maybe I liked it. Maybe it was all I knew, to be bored.


Okay...a really unique concept to start on here. Usually you've got people who feel too popular wanting to be someone more average, and we've got people that get bullied and are on the bottom rung of things wanting to be popular, but this is the first time I've seen a character introduced as average and bored by their own self. It actually caught my attention quite well here, cause of how unique this is and I'm wondering what direction this might be headed in here. You do this introduction quite nicely, and you surprisingly manage to work in a literal list of features at a point where it actually makes sense to have a list like there whereas usually, lists are bad news at the start of a prologue. Definitely an intriguing start here.

Chores were boring. I did them anyway, without a fuss. The perfect child, my parents called me. I was anything but. Adults don't know the new meaning of perfect.

I played tennis. I was good. My parents had big plans for that. I didn't like it. Worse, I hated it. I wanted to quit. If I even thought about telling them that, they would kill me.

I had friends. A best friend. Tabby, who was not average. Above average was more like it. She was perfect. Tabby, short for Tabitha, was a very pretty name in my opinion. Tall and slender. Blonde hair and blue eyes. Model-worthy. That's probably why she was one.


Okay...so the parent thing is fairly standard for this type of story, so well, I'm gonna gloss past that one, you present it just like you did for the rest, but there's an interesting twist her in how we've now got a friend involved, with said friend being someone that's a bit higher up in terms of not being average. I think that could cause an interesting dynamic there, although this time, the list of details comes off a little more clunky. You should perhaps look into streamlining that somewhat, you can't get away with two lists in the same prologue.

Tabby Ann Addams was a model at age 16, and I was jealous. Secretly. Well, she probably knew, but she was too nice to rub it in. She was an angel in the form of a teenager. With too many friends to count, I don't know how she had time for me. We had been friends since the first day of Kindergarten. She grew into a model. I grew into...me. Whatever I was. Average.

You may say that average is not bad. Good, maybe. Even great. It wasn't enough for me. I needed to be different. I wanted to stand out. I knew where my life was headed if I didn't do something about it. Exceptional grades lead to an academic scholarship and a great college. Study to be a doctor, or maybe a lawyer. Maybe I'd get married. Maybe I'd have kids. Maybe I'd start a new generation of Meghans. No thank you.

Yes, that's who I was. Emphasis on the was. This is the story of how I turned into who I am.


So the ending is an interesting reflection on the past and how the future might go for here. It certainly leaves you with a few interesting thoughts here as to what could be going on...but I feel like having read the full thing, this would do better as a first chapter and a sort of introduction to Megan rather than being a prologue, cause this is really no suited to the job of being a prologue. It does manage to make me want to read more though. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




Random avatar

Points: 1040
Reviews: 10

Donate
Tue Dec 14, 2010 8:44 pm
missfrancesca wrote a review...



This is seriously brilliant! i love your style, its really cynical and sarcastic and also funny at the same time. your a very good writer! i especially love how you end it on that line:
"this is the story of who i turned out to be". that line holds so much promise! i will definitely be following this
good luck i look forward to reading a brilliant novel (:




User avatar
182 Reviews


Points: 8363
Reviews: 182

Donate
Tue Dec 14, 2010 12:19 am
shiney1 wrote a review...



This is really good! I can hear Meghan speaking, no monotone. I like stories and books like these because they give me a different point of view of another girl. I, for one, love making good grades and don't mind helping my nurturing parents with chores, but I hate to study. I also like the sentence fragments, which helps you think that someone is actually speaking, because nowadays kids don't really speak in full sentences. I'd like to see the next part!

§shiney1§




User avatar
10 Reviews


Points: 1623
Reviews: 10

Donate
Mon Dec 13, 2010 8:05 pm
elfwriter97 wrote a review...



i really loved this; please hurry to post more- im anxious to read it!!! the only thing i would change is that you said "I had friends. Average friends. My best friend Tabby was not average." It kinda messes up the whole "my friends are average" thing you have goin' on, but other than that, i LOVED it!!!




User avatar
297 Reviews


Points: 2218
Reviews: 297

Donate
Mon Dec 13, 2010 7:28 pm
Justagirl says...



Wow, this is awesome. I'd love to read the rest of it!! *Sighs* To bad you haven't finished it yet...

Keep writing!
Alzora




User avatar
884 Reviews


Points: 28282
Reviews: 884

Donate
Mon Dec 13, 2010 1:45 am
StoryWeaver13 wrote a review...



This is so relateable to me personally (and a lot of other people, I'm sure) and even though she's so self-defacing I do like her character pretty well. I guess there isn't much else to critique; your grammar's good, the plot is interesting and I'd be willing to read more. So keep writing! If you're looking for reviews on the next chapter, just message me.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver




User avatar
36 Reviews


Points: 1664
Reviews: 36

Donate
Sun Dec 12, 2010 8:18 pm
AllyGrLxOX wrote a review...



Hey, AllyGrLxOx here for a review!(:

This was a very enjoyable prologue! I'm anxious to see how the rest of the story unfolds.
However I do believe that some more detail is needed, we know that she doesn't (or didn't) enjoy being average and wants to stand out. Alright, so give us some more! Show some more of the aggravation of being just average!

This has plenty of potential for a great plot, and congrats on a good strong prologue to draw the readers in!

Any questions? Feel free to PM me(:




User avatar
378 Reviews


Points: 1476
Reviews: 378

Donate
Sun Dec 12, 2010 1:16 pm
Soulkana wrote a review...



Omg that was amazing. You have an awesome writing style and i hope to read more when you update. I couldn't really see any problems at all with this chapter. I really liked the details you put into it and the descriptions helped a lot. It was like you actually knew how the person felt about things like the tennis, and the natural way kids feel when parents want you to do something big and you don't but you don't speak because you think they would get mad. I have gone through that and i have to say that was great. Hope you keep out the good work
Soulkana <3





Writing is my soul made tangible on paper.
— bluewaterlily