Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
I'd never really thought about life before I turned 12. The thought of how my mom was just a mom and how my dad was gone was oblivious to my adolescent recollection. Everything sort of occurred in a dream. Now, things are just happening and I'm just numb to it. Middle school was when I realized. When I dyed my blond hair and pierced my immaculate and clean Catholic body. When I had my first cigarette and my first sip of vodka. That was my safety, my cover. And presently, smoking has been taken to such extent, that I date dealers. As far is drinking, goes my mom does enough for the both of us.
Okay...well first of all, that's a really interesting title for this story. I don't know if that is meant to be some sort of satire at the usual way that such things are written in a story, or if you literally intend to just write a regular stereotype...cause this prologue here doesn't quite make that clear.
We've got a rather interesting paragraph here to start with...and I find myself wondering exactly where this is trying to go. You first talk of how it took a decent amount of time or this girl to realize that her life was perhaps not the most normal, which makes sense, you can tend to be a little less perceptive to such things at younger ages, but this transformation described sounds like some sort of rebellion or considering the mother is doing the much the same as this girl is, it seems like a random sudden spiral into an interesting state of mind. It doesn't really show much as to how this could happen but it just sort of happens. This spiral gets your attention but then there's nothing to properly ground it to get a sense of how this could happen.
Its amazing how so much has changed. Coming to my mom passed out on the floor is no longer unforeseen. I'm insensitive to cleaning vomit off of the apartment's stained carpets. And to when she wakes up and calls me crazy for even mentioning some "bullshit" like that. This apathetic and detached feeling has come over me. However, I cant help but feel sorry for her and walk away thinking,"She doesn't remember a thing."
Okay....considering this is still a twelve year old, cause that is the only reference in age we got, this is rather odd..this doesn't seem like the typical sort of thing you expect of someone that age, and even if this is a bit later in life, its a little tougher to imagine how this went down. I feel like you've focused a little too much on this person's current state without fully mentioning the cause. If you'd totally omitted the cause, this'd be totally fine, but you haven't done so either, so we're stuck in this middle state that's a little harder to understand. You need to expand more on the cause and save the result for the story itself or simply mention just the current state.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 253788
Reviews: 4099
Donate