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The Writings of a Stereotypical Girl (Prologue)

by HialiceHiatus


I'd never really thought about life before I turned 12. The thought of how my mom was just a mom and how my dad was gone was oblivious to my adolescent recollection. Everything sort of occurred in a dream. Now, things are just happening and I'm just numb to it. Middle school was when I realized. When I dyed my blond hair and pierced my immaculate and clean Catholic body. When I had my first cigarette and my first sip of vodka. That was my safety, my cover. And presently, smoking has been taken to such extent, that I date dealers. As far is drinking, goes my mom does enough for the both of us.

Its amazing how so much has changed. Coming to my mom passed out on the floor is no longer unforeseen. I'm insensitive to cleaning vomit off of the apartment's stained carpets. And to when she wakes up and calls me crazy for even mentioning some "bullshit" like that. This apathetic and detached feeling has come over me. However, I cant help but feel sorry for her and walk away thinking,"She doesn't remember a thing."


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Tue Sep 28, 2021 1:43 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I'd never really thought about life before I turned 12. The thought of how my mom was just a mom and how my dad was gone was oblivious to my adolescent recollection. Everything sort of occurred in a dream. Now, things are just happening and I'm just numb to it. Middle school was when I realized. When I dyed my blond hair and pierced my immaculate and clean Catholic body. When I had my first cigarette and my first sip of vodka. That was my safety, my cover. And presently, smoking has been taken to such extent, that I date dealers. As far is drinking, goes my mom does enough for the both of us.


Okay...well first of all, that's a really interesting title for this story. I don't know if that is meant to be some sort of satire at the usual way that such things are written in a story, or if you literally intend to just write a regular stereotype...cause this prologue here doesn't quite make that clear.

We've got a rather interesting paragraph here to start with...and I find myself wondering exactly where this is trying to go. You first talk of how it took a decent amount of time or this girl to realize that her life was perhaps not the most normal, which makes sense, you can tend to be a little less perceptive to such things at younger ages, but this transformation described sounds like some sort of rebellion or considering the mother is doing the much the same as this girl is, it seems like a random sudden spiral into an interesting state of mind. It doesn't really show much as to how this could happen but it just sort of happens. This spiral gets your attention but then there's nothing to properly ground it to get a sense of how this could happen.

Its amazing how so much has changed. Coming to my mom passed out on the floor is no longer unforeseen. I'm insensitive to cleaning vomit off of the apartment's stained carpets. And to when she wakes up and calls me crazy for even mentioning some "bullshit" like that. This apathetic and detached feeling has come over me. However, I cant help but feel sorry for her and walk away thinking,"She doesn't remember a thing."


Okay....considering this is still a twelve year old, cause that is the only reference in age we got, this is rather odd..this doesn't seem like the typical sort of thing you expect of someone that age, and even if this is a bit later in life, its a little tougher to imagine how this went down. I feel like you've focused a little too much on this person's current state without fully mentioning the cause. If you'd totally omitted the cause, this'd be totally fine, but you haven't done so either, so we're stuck in this middle state that's a little harder to understand. You need to expand more on the cause and save the result for the story itself or simply mention just the current state.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Fri Nov 26, 2010 1:32 am
HialiceHiatus says...



Thanks for input(:




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Wed Nov 24, 2010 1:32 am
Mickeystwin33 wrote a review...



I like this prologue, but it would be better if you could make a bit longer. You could foreshadow what's to come. I know you don't want to give too much information, but it better if gave some more information. Maybe you could tell a little piece of the story. It's your story, and I'm sure however you decide to make it it will be great.




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Wed Nov 24, 2010 1:25 am
chellelynn wrote a review...



When I first started reading this, I couldn't decide whether or not I liked it. By the time I finished, I realized I did. I do think you could make it a bit longer, like most prologues. Since it's so short, it's hard to really pull much from it and makes it hard for the reader to connect with the MC. Perhaps you could dig deeper into the MC's emotions, of having to live every day like it's a lie. If that's in fact what your train of thought it. When I read it, I sort of assumed that people don't really know about this. However, if it's no secret that the mother is a drunk, you could even talk about how it makes the MC feel when everybody knows her family's secret. I know as a prologue you don't want to give everything away, but we do need to read more to connect!

I'd never really though about how my mom was just a mom. And how my dad was gone.
You just missed the 't' at the end of that word. I also think it would be better to replace the "and" to an "Or," but that is just my personal preference.

Now, everything is just happening and I'm just numb to it.

Blaaaah, repetition. Maybe try something like:
Now, everything in my life was becoming so real and I'm just numb to it.

I'm numb to cleaning vomit off of the apartment's stained carpets. And numb to when she wakes up and calls me crazy for even mentioning some "bullshit" like that.
[/quote]
Again, with the repitition. I can understand what effect you're trying to give by continually using the word "numb," but I just think it's a bit boring. Maybe try:
Cleaning vomit off of the aparment's stained carpets has become routine, and I'm numb when she wakes up and calls me crazy for even mentioning some "bullshit" like that.

That last line you wrote, I really liked it. Good job and keep writing!




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Wed Nov 24, 2010 1:16 am
wonderland says...



This is hard to review, since it doesn't tell me much about your MC or plot, or anything. Basically it's just a paragraph. I'd say to describe more about her current life, and foreshadow what happens in the actual novel.

Good Luck
~WickedWonder





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