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The Days.

by erebear


She awoke in the morning and kept her eyes tightly shut; embracing these few seconds that she would have to lie in bed with William, engulfed in Egyptian cotton and his brilliant scent. In only a matter of time, the children would be thudding through the doorway, disrupting the calm. They would bounce at the foot of the four-poster bed begging for breakfast and Saturday morning television. She could almost hear little Sophie, with her animated toddler voice “Mommy, Daddy! French Toast, peaseeee!” Moments passed, too many. She had expected the silence to be ravaged to pieces by now. These moments became almost tedious. There wasn’t a sound to be heard, not even the steady breathing of a body next to her. Everything was still. Curiously she opened her eyes, but with hesitation. William’s side of the bed was empty; this was strange. She slowly sat upright in the bed, finally completely awake. Her worry had quickly been transformed to despair as she realized her half-asleep mistake. She loosened her tight grasp on the ivory sheets and gazed down. A single tear fell upon her naked left hand. The dreams she used to sleep for, that emphasized the once-beautiful reality, had now found a way to torment her. Waking up to this reality became a nightmare; compared to the angels she adored in her dreams. These children, Sophie and Seth – were nothing more than a dream, a figment of her imagination, but her innermost desires. She could close her eyes and see their pretty little pale faces, and hear their chiming, charming voices. She could feel them, living inside of her heart. She knew them. Unable to comprehend the reasons for all of this, she sobbed quietly into her pillow, feeling like she had lost everything. William was gone, and Seth and Sophie were just imaginary children that had become a part of her. Seeing them every time she closed her eyes was the worst part of this. It validated just how broken she really was.

The mess of Jack Johnson lyrics, wishful thinking, and endless nights of falling asleep thinking of his voice, was now merely a collection of regret and empty memories that she wished to leave her completely—to feel numb again, to any belief. There must be a way around this heartbreak. She just had to find it first...


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Tue Sep 28, 2021 10:25 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

She awoke in the morning and kept her eyes tightly shut; embracing these few seconds that she would have to lie in bed with William, engulfed in Egyptian cotton and his brilliant scent. In only a matter of time, the children would be thudding through the doorway, disrupting the calm. They would bounce at the foot of the four-poster bed begging for breakfast and Saturday morning television. She could almost hear little Sophie, with her animated toddler voice “Mommy, Daddy! French Toast, peaseeee!” Moments passed, too many. She had expected the silence to be ravaged to pieces by now. These moments became almost tedious. There wasn’t a sound to be heard, not even the steady breathing of a body next to her. Everything was still. Curiously she opened her eyes, but with hesitation. William’s side of the bed was empty; this was strange. She slowly sat upright in the bed, finally completely awake. Her worry had quickly been transformed to despair as she realized her half-asleep mistake. She loosened her tight grasp on the ivory sheets and gazed down. A single tear fell upon her naked left hand. The dreams she used to sleep for, that emphasized the once-beautiful reality, had now found a way to torment her. Waking up to this reality became a nightmare; compared to the angels she adored in her dreams. These children, Sophie and Seth – were nothing more than a dream, a figment of her imagination, but her innermost desires. She could close her eyes and see their pretty little pale faces, and hear their chiming, charming voices. She could feel them, living inside of her heart. She knew them. Unable to comprehend the reasons for all of this, she sobbed quietly into her pillow, feeling like she had lost everything. William was gone, and Seth and Sophie were just imaginary children that had become a part of her. Seeing them every time she closed her eyes was the worst part of this. It validated just how broken she really was.


Oooh wow, this one sends you on a proper rollercoaster there to get things started off here, phew, that's quite the start. Its a really awesome image that you start to paint there. Its just the perfect image of some classic domestic fluff which I personally love to see so this very wholesome scene of the family waking up during the weeked really drags me in and then boom, you start to slowly introduce some doubt, it escalates a tiny bit more and then the ending which hits you a bit like a sledgehammer as we're told that everything that we just saw was either imagination or the image of someone that's no longer either due to having died or just left...and well...that really manages to hook your attention and instantly you find yourself wanting to know more about what could've possibly happened. The only issue I'd have with this opening paragraph is that its too long, I think it could benefit from being broken perhaps at the moment where it starts to be revealed that this is all fake.

The mess of Jack Johnson lyrics, wishful thinking, and endless nights of falling asleep thinking of his voice, was now merely a collection of regret and empty memories that she wished to leave her completely—to feel numb again, to any belief. There must be a way around this heartbreak. She just had to find it first..


Hmm...the idea of whether this is due to a death or something else remains a mystery with that particular paragraph which I like cause that's one more thing for us readers to speculate on. I love the light touch of nostalgia there to just echo the previous paragraph and normal home the condition that this person is in.

Overall, this makes for a pretty powerful scene to start on here. It certainly to managed to get me interested enough to want to read more here. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Fri Nov 12, 2010 12:59 am
erebear says...



awww, thanks! mee too.. haha




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Tue Nov 09, 2010 7:46 pm
whitnerrzz says...



Aww! Erin, this is wonderful!
Your writing is so lovely! (:
I can't wait to see what this plot developes into.





Veni, vidi, scripsi ~ I came, I saw, I wrote
— steampowered