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6200 forward

by FLyerS


Forward

I stared as my home was ransacked. The Strange Ones were destroying my house! The way they moved was slow and hypnotizing; when they spoke it caused panic in even the bravest of hearts. Here was a beastly creature that truly deserved its name. I watched blue-white fire coarse along the spine of my home, causing the outer sphere to collapse. Then I knew, the world was under invasion! Shock overcame me, I could not move! I stood helpless as a Strange One drifted up. It pointed its skeletal blue-fire rod at me slowly, prolonging the moment of dread, then pressed the button to kill. The world slowed down as the bludgeoning force of a thousand super-heated razors tore up my face, causing gashes that spidered across the melting skin.

Darkness ensued, screaming in the distance...Louder, louder, until...

I awoke in a cold sweat. I touched the scars on my face. The gashes had gone, but the smoke-markings were still there. This did not surprise me, for it was

Five years later.

The year 6200 was beginning.


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Tue Sep 28, 2021 1:24 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I stared as my home was ransacked. The Strange Ones were destroying my house! The way they moved was slow and hypnotizing; when they spoke it caused panic in even the bravest of hearts. Here was a beastly creature that truly deserved its name. I watched blue-white fire coarse along the spine of my home, causing the outer sphere to collapse. Then I knew, the world was under invasion! Shock overcame me, I could not move! I stood helpless as a Strange One drifted up. It pointed its skeletal blue-fire rod at me slowly, prolonging the moment of dread, then pressed the button to kill. The world slowed down as the bludgeoning force of a thousand super-heated razors tore up my face, causing gashes that spidered across the melting skin.

Darkness ensued, screaming in the distance...Louder, louder, until...

I awoke in a cold sweat. I touched the scars on my face. The gashes had gone, but the smoke-markings were still there. This did not surprise me, for it was

Five years later.

The year 6200 was beginning.


First of all, I'm gonna be suuuper nitpicky and say that you probably meant foreword, cause forward is a different word despite sounding exactly the same.

Moving past that one, this is a really intriguing piece here. The thing that stands out the most besides the horrifying scene is the year there. 6200 is very, very far forward in the future, where Earth is sure to be a very different place provided it even still exist, although of course this could very well not be Earth, its not exactly specified.

On top of that to see some kind of creature that appears to be totally destroying this one person's house and then proceeding to attack them in some fashion. Its a very interesting effect that you manage to create here with the person watching almost frozen in spot in their shock and fear as the creature destroys the house and then them being powerless as they're attacked by the thing before they're knocked out for five years in this horrifying pain. It certainly gets you asking a lot of questions. Overall, I'd say this is pretty solid piece here, certainly makes you want to read more :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Points: 1119
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Sun Nov 07, 2010 12:13 pm
MrsDominicHoward wrote a review...



FLyerS wrote:Forward






The Strange Ones were destroying my house! Then I knew, the world was under invasion! Shock overcame me, I could not move! This did not surprise me, for it was

Five years later.
The year 6200 was beginning.





This start was a really good one, and I enjoyed it all. It creates a real effect which I loved and I really want to read the next chapters.

OK, I've quoted this part because I don't like exclamation marks. It's just me, but I think they disrupt the flow and make the writing seem too informal, so I think it would be better if it was just a full stop. It would create a bigger effect which would pull the readers' attention in. And, I've also quoted the last line because I really REALLY liked this line. I don't know what the year 6200 is yet, which really makes me want to read more. But, the "this did not surprise me, for it was

Five years later" OK, I don't know whether this big line space is meant to be here. I got a little confused here, but overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this, well done, keep writing!

PS. I read the comment before this one, and as I'm new here, I have no idea what he's going on about, and I don't see the problem with posting 7 chapters in 20 mins, I'll probably do that :/

Anyway,
Happy writing :)




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Fri Nov 05, 2010 4:08 pm
Jenthura wrote a review...



Hi there! Here on YWS, we normally post things slowly. You, however, have put down seven chapters in twenty minutes. I suggest you slow down, or you may lose potential viewers.
I know that you've been here for more than a year now, but you apparently still need to be taught a few more YWS rules.
It's a great story, but remember, slow down!
Jenth





Love is so short, forgetting is so long.
— Pablo Neruda