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Four Little Words: Prologue

by telle_04


The sound of laughter filled the air as a girl and a boy ran across the park, the grass muffling the sounds made by their little feet, their shouts of joy clearly heard, and their small hands clasped together.

Young as they might be and still unaware of things regarding promises and friendship, they somehow made a simple promise: that they will be the best of friends and they will look after the other if ever something happens.

One beautiful spring morning, they decided to go play in the park. Because it was near their houses, their parents didn't mind at all.

The girl and the boy played tag. While the girl was running, she fell and bruised herself. She whimpered, and the boy came over to kneel before her.

"What happened?" he asked.

The girl showed her bruised knee and pointed to the grass where a rock lay.

The boy sat beside the girl, thinking of what to do. Then he remembered what his older brother did when he cut himself while playing in their yard. He took out his handkerchief and tied it around the girl's knee. "There. Is that better?"

The girl wiped her tears, smiled shyly and nodded.

"You should know how to take care of yourself," the boy said. He took the girl by the hand and helped her to her feet.

"Why?" the girl asked.

"What if I wasn't around? Who would have helped you?"

Confused, the girl looked at the boy. "But..why wouldn't you be around? Are you going to leave me? What about our promise? Your promise?"

The boy smiled. "Of course, I will always be around," he said. "I won't forget that."

"You have to promise."

"Promise what?"

"That no matter what happens, you'll never leave me and we will always be friends."

"Okay," the boy said and shrugged. "I promise."

The girl placed her hands on her hips, momentarily forgetting about her bruised knee. "You don't mean it," she said. "You have to promise me and mean it."

The boy sighed. "Okay. I promise. And I mean it."

--

i made an early version of it, but unfortunately it wasn't that good. link: http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/post643635.html#p643635 thank you for the reviews. i believe this one isn't quite good too.


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Sat Oct 16, 2021 6:04 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: So, this was a very simple prologue, a very small scene where nothing much really happens and yet it feels like a fairly monumental moment in history for these two friends here. All in all, a powerful start I think, definitely a good prologue.

Anyway let's get right to it,

The sound of laughter filled the air as a girl and a boy ran across the park, the grass muffling the sounds made by their little feet, their shouts of joy clearly heard, and their small hands clasped together.

Young as they might be and still unaware of things regarding promises and friendship, they somehow made a simple promise: that they will be the best of friends and they will look after the other if ever something happens.


Hmm, well this is an interesting little start there. There's a distinct fairy talish tint to the whole situation here and I'm really liking that at the moment. Its a very simple almost nostalgic sort of vibe here to start off with and I think it makes for a pretty interesting start there.

One beautiful spring morning, they decided to go play in the park. Because it was near their houses, their parents didn't mind at all.

The girl and the boy played tag. While the girl was running, she fell and bruised herself. She whimpered, and the boy came over to kneel before her.

"What happened?" he asked.

The girl showed her bruised knee and pointed to the grass where a rock lay.


Okay...this is proceeding in what appears to be a very wholesome direction here and so far I'm loving this cute little scene between two pretty young sounding friends here. Its such a simple little scene, but it absolutely makes you want to read more here.

The boy sat beside the girl, thinking of what to do. Then he remembered what his older brother did when he cut himself while playing in their yard. He took out his handkerchief and tied it around the girl's knee. "There. Is that better?"

The girl wiped her tears, smiled shyly and nodded.

"You should know how to take care of yourself," the boy said. He took the girl by the hand and helped her to her feet.

"Why?" the girl asked.

"What if I wasn't around? Who would have helped you?"


Oooh, I feel like this is maybe that unspoken promise about to happen here, you get the feeling that this is perhaps leading upto something along those lines from the general tone that we've got going on here.

Confused, the girl looked at the boy. "But..why wouldn't you be around? Are you going to leave me? What about our promise? Your promise?"

The boy smiled. "Of course, I will always be around," he said. "I won't forget that."

"You have to promise."

"Promise what?"

"That no matter what happens, you'll never leave me and we will always be friends."


OOoh...here goes the promise is being made, and its a pretty sweet moment. You can see just how much each other seems to matter to the two even at that young age, and it really is an interesting one....although the boy is maybe not quite as committed sounding as the girl in this situation.

"Okay," the boy said and shrugged. "I promise."

The girl placed her hands on her hips, momentarily forgetting about her bruised knee. "You don't mean it," she said. "You have to promise me and mean it."

The boy sighed. "Okay. I promise. And I mean it."


Hmm....that sigh is a little bit odd..that seems a bit too much like a very reluctant sort of situation and that rings a few alarm bells for me, so if you intended for it to be wholly sweet here, you may want to remedy that one a bit...otherwise though, a pretty neat little ending here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this is a pretty decent prologue here. For as simple as it is, it does make you think a fair amount and I think it interesting that you do find yourself to read on here. :D

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry





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