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Haven (Proluge)

by CharlotteGrace


I need help thinking of a title. Send me a PM with your pick. Thanks!

Love is suppose to be the best thing in the world, right? That's what Casey, my older sister, said when she met Peter, her husband. If it's suppose to be the best thing in the world, then how come it causes crazy things? Love caused my sister to leave at home with two smaller sisters. Love caused Juliet to kill herself. And love made my dad go crazy.

I don't think I ever want to be in love. I don't want to go crazy. Besides if you get to someone, its inevitable that they will break your heart. I've learned that. Even though I'm only eighteen. My training was started at a young age, learning by mistakes. I hated Scott Powers, a dorky sixth grader who happened to like me. He came up to me in homeroom and asked if I wanted to get some ice cream after school. I told him sure, why not? I mean, its not a date right? Wrong. The next day he wrote me a poem, and gave me flowers from his mom's garden. He said, "Haven, I love you." He said it all in front of the sixth grade class. I told him I hated him, and ran from the room. I never saw him again. His parents transferred him out to an all boys school in New York.

Then a few years later, my father helped me out some. My father, the striking John Foreman, left my family when I was in my freshman year of high school. He and my mother had had a fight the night before. My mother accused him of cheating, which he was. He went out the front door and never came back. Ever. He made a name for himself, the Serial Lover. That's what the police would call him. My father fell in love with every girl who looked like my mother, long blond hair, pool blue eyes. He would go out with them, and then when he was done with them, he would kill them. He made eight girls die. That's how in love he was with my mother. He wanted my mother to know that he still loved her. He killed for her. That is the perfect example of how love makes people go nuts.


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Thu Dec 09, 2021 7:17 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Love is suppose to be the best thing in the world, right? That's what Casey, my older sister, said when she met Peter, her husband. If it's suppose to be the best thing in the world, then how come it causes crazy things? Love caused my sister to leave at home with two smaller sisters. Love caused Juliet to kill herself. And love made my dad go crazy.


Well that escalated quickly. Its definitely the type of prologue that absolutely grabs your attention here cause its just one moment we've got this lovely thing which appears to be about the beauty of love then it just goes off the rails and shows the sort of bad side to being falling rather deeply in love...well, this is quite something here. It certainly leaves you with a lot to unpack right here...and I'm very excited to see where this is going.

I don't think I ever want to be in love. I don't want to go crazy. Besides if you get to someone, its inevitable that they will break your heart. I've learned that. Even though I'm only eighteen. My training was started at a young age, learning by mistakes. I hated Scott Powers, a dorky sixth grader who happened to like me. He came up to me in homeroom and asked if I wanted to get some ice cream after school. I told him sure, why not? I mean, its not a date right? Wrong. The next day he wrote me a poem, and gave me flowers from his mom's garden. He said, "Haven, I love you." He said it all in front of the sixth grade class. I told him I hated him, and ran from the room. I never saw him again. His parents transferred him out to an all boys school in New York.


Well that's an interesting experience with love there. You don't quite know which party is in the wrong at that point not to mention they both had to have been pretty young there. That's quite the moment to convey although that is certainly nowhere near as severe as what was there in that first bit..well, a very interesting series of moments related to love being presented so far, although now I am finding myself wondering what this story is trying to tell us with all of this.

Then a few years later, my father helped me out some. My father, the striking John Foreman, left my family when I was in my freshman year of high school. He and my mother had had a fight the night before. My mother accused him of cheating, which he was. He went out the front door and never came back. Ever. He made a name for himself, the Serial Lover. That's what the police would call him. My father fell in love with every girl who looked like my mother, long blond hair, pool blue eyes. He would go out with them, and then when he was done with them, he would kill them. He made eight girls die. That's how in love he was with my mother. He wanted my mother to know that he still loved her. He killed for her. That is the perfect example of how love makes people go nuts.


Okay so even more craziness although yes, this one certainly manages to take the cake for sheer craziness there, although I have to admit that's a pretty unique, I don't think I've ever run into that specific situation before...and once again, this is very interesting and I do find myself wanting to read on, but I have no clue whatsoever about what sort of plot you intend to have here. It seems like just a series of situations more than anything else. I think you might want to think on that just a little bit more here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun Feb 20, 2011 6:28 am
Shadowhunter14 wrote a review...



Hey! There isn't really much for me to add as other members have already done some nitpicks (in other words, this will be a really short review). I really liked this piece, it was intriguing and realistic, as if it were really being told by an eighteen year old girl. Your writing style was honest and blunt which I liked; you didn't really hold anything back when describing the girl's father, "The Serial Lover". An interesting idea, I think I may read and review the next part of this story.
Anyway, Well done :)




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Wed Oct 13, 2010 3:36 am
Jashael wrote a review...



Hello, Charlotte! Jash here, and I'll be reviewing you today. :)
Comments and nit-picks in #FF40BF ">pinkish font

CharlotteGrace wrote:#0000FF ">
Love is suppose to be the best thing in the world, right? That's what Casey, my older sister, said when she met Peter, her husband. If it's suppose[color=#FF0080 ]d
to be the best thing in the world, then how come it causes crazy things? Love caused my sister to leave at#FF0080 ">delete "at" home with two smaller sisters. Love caused Juliet to kill herself. And love made my dad go crazy.

I don't think I ever want to be in love. I don't want to go crazy. Besides if you get to someone, its inevitable that they will break your heart. I've learned that. Even though I'm only eighteen. My training was started at a young age, learning by mistakes. I hated Scott Powers, a dorky sixth grader who happened to like me. He came up to me in homeroom and asked if I wanted to get some ice cream after school. I told him sure, why not? I mean, its not a date right? Wrong. The next day he wrote me a poem, and gave me flowers from his mom's garden. He said, "Haven, I love you." He said it all in front of the sixth grade class. I told him I hated him, and ran from the room. I never saw him again. His parents transferred him out to an all boys school in New York.

Then a few years later, my father helped me out some. My father, the striking John Foreman, left my family when I was in my freshman year of high school. He and my mother had had a fight the night before. My mother accused him of cheating, which he was#FF0040 ">doing?. He went out the front door and never came back. Ever. He made a name for himself, the Serial Lover. That's what the police would call him. My father fell in love with every girl who looked like my mother,#FF0080 ">I think this should be a semicolon long blond hair, pool blue eyes. He would go out with them, and then when he was done with them, he would kill them.#FF0080 ">The previous sentence--gah--may I rewrite that?: "He would go out with each of them, and when he was done, he would kill them--one by one." I don't know, just rewrite it. He made eight girls die#FF0080 ">That's seems a bit weird, why not "He already murdered eight". That's how in love he was with my mother. He wanted my mother to know that he still loved her. He killed for her. That is the perfect example of how love makes people go nuts.


The last sentence breaks the flow. Sorry for a poor review. It's really an "ok" piece. It's interesting...




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Tue Sep 28, 2010 4:22 am
Roal wrote a review...



Mmmmm..... reviews =w=

Just reading this prologue I think I like it already :D
I can somehow relate to this story since it's basically everything I think xD
But yeah, I'm not going to nit-pick cause I can't do that. I ARE NOOB AT GRAMMAR!
I haven't read the rest of the chapters yet
but I will in due time. In due time...
Anyway, yes, this is an interesting plot and it will probably catch everybody's attention, well... the people who actually like romance stories of course. Good job, you hook me on.

And now I am going to read the other chapters and review them :L

Au Revoir! ~Zoe




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Tue Aug 10, 2010 7:34 am
ariberry97 wrote a review...



This is a very good story. I like it very much. I like the way you present each element in your story. I like how you talk about he power of love. I understand how to relate to his story. This is a powerful story, and I enjoy it very much. I hope you write more stories like this one, because I enjoyed this very much. Good work, and keep up the good work. This story was powerful and very enjoyable. I respect this story. I don't see how there could be anyone who could not relate to the love in this story. I also couldn't see hw any one could dislike this story. This story was amazing.





The heavens laugh with you in your jubilee; my heart is at your festival.
— William Shakespeare