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Chronicles of Life and Death: Dark Secrets - Prologue

by Ikafe


Chronicles of Life and Death: Dark Secrets -----(Book 1)-----

Prologue

I was looking right in the eyes of my enemy, waiting for death, waiting for him to finally do it, to stop the pain he has caused me and kill me. I layed on the wet, cold floor not able to think clearly anymore, because of the pain that was blinding my senses. But I picked this, I picked to die like this. Here I was covered in blood and tears, sacrificing myself for him and my family, I could not bare to see them dead, it's rather me than them, it's better this way.

The past few months changed my life rapidly. I did something which was baned for my kind. I fell in love with a vampire. But I never regretted it. I said my kind because I'm not a human as well, I'm a witch. Witch, plus a vampire, funny ain't it?

Me and him hated each other at first, but then, we realized we were soulmates, we tried to ignore it but it just didn't work instead it brought us together. He made my life better, with him I was actually smiling again, I felt happy and safe for the first time since mum died and we(Me and my sister Sunny) moved in to Danville in Iowa to live with our granny.

I love him, and I'm not afraid to say it. I love him and I'm prepared to die instead of him.

So my last thoughts trail towards him. I wish I could've said goodbye, that I gave him my last kiss, last touch. But I couldn't have done that, he would get suspicious, if he knew what I was going to do he would try to stop me and I didn't want that.

I learned something in the past few months, I learned that truth hurts, and that some things are better kept a secret.

But what has been done, has been done, and I can't change it now, now matter how much I would've tried. And so now I have to suffer the consequences of my doings and save the people that I love, since this has been all my fault.


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Fri Jan 14, 2022 5:14 pm
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I was looking right in the eyes of my enemy, waiting for death, waiting for him to finally do it, to stop the pain he has caused me and kill me. I layed on the wet, cold floor not able to think clearly anymore, because of the pain that was blinding my senses. But I picked this, I picked to die like this. Here I was covered in blood and tears, sacrificing myself for him and my family, I could not bare to see them dead, it's rather me than them, it's better this way.

The past few months changed my life rapidly. I did something which was baned for my kind. I fell in love with a vampire. But I never regretted it. I said my kind because I'm not a human as well, I'm a witch. Witch, plus a vampire, funny ain't it?


Well, that is certainly quite something. Not too often that you see a story starting with a character literally just about to straight up die here, that's a rather rare moment which absolutely does a wonderful job of immediately catching our attention, although the choice to immediately tag on the random witch, vampire part is mildly question, but on the whole it does add nicely to the mystery I think...and we end up with a fairly solid opening here to this prologue.

Me and him hated each other at first, but then, we realized we were soulmates, we tried to ignore it but it just didn't work instead it brought us together. He made my life better, with him I was actually smiling again, I felt happy and safe for the first time since mum died and we(Me and my sister Sunny) moved in to Danville in Iowa to live with our granny.

I love him, and I'm not afraid to say it. I love him and I'm prepared to die instead of him.

So my last thoughts trail towards him. I wish I could've said goodbye, that I gave him my last kiss, last touch. But I couldn't have done that, he would get suspicious, if he knew what I was going to do he would try to stop me and I didn't want that.


OKayy...well it seems like this particular decision of sacrifice is far from one that has been made lightly or quickly and there's a lot more at stake here than what immediately meets the eye. Well that most definitely makes things a lot more interesting right away. As the reader at this point we're certainly hooked here.

I learned something in the past few months, I learned that truth hurts, and that some things are better kept a secret.

But what has been done, has been done, and I can't change it now, now matter how much I would've tried. And so now I have to suffer the consequences of my doings and save the people that I love, since this has been all my fault.


Hmm, well that particular thought process doesn't seem like its heading anywhere good, that much is pretty clear right away here and I suppose the whole death thing certainly backs that particular theory up here. Well, this is a really solid point to end off a prologue there and I think on the whole you've done a pretty awesome job here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Wed Jun 16, 2010 5:14 am
EgyptianGoddessSarah wrote a review...



Heys, I'm EgyptianGoddessSarah, and I'll be reviewing your story today. This is my first review, I'm sorry if it isn't much help.

This looks like a really good story, the whole Vampires vs Werewolves, is pretty old. But Witches and Vampires are a good mix.

Red colour: Spelling Errors. Bold: Comments. Italic: Explain/Change

Ikafe wrote:Chronicles of Life and Death: Dark Secrets -----(Book 1)-----

Prologue

I was looking right in the eyes of my enemy, waiting for death, waiting for him to finally do it, to stop the pain he has caused me and kill me. Using the word waiting twice is slightly repetitive. I suggest two alternatives: I was looking right into the eyes of my enemy, waiting for him to do it; to stop the pain he had caused me...To kill me. Or. I was looking right into the eyes of my enemy, waiting for death, for him to stop the pain he has caused me.

I #FF0000 ">laid on the cold wet floor, the pain was blinding my senses. But I picked this #FF0000 ">; I picked to die like this... I was covered in blood and tears, sacrificing myself for him and my family, I could not bear to see them dead. Rather me than them, its better this way. Tense, it goes from past to present.

The past few months changed my life rapidly. I did something which was #FF0000 ">banned for my kind: I fell in love with a vampire. But I never regretted it. I said my kind because I'm not a human, I'm a witch. Witch, plus a vampire, funny #FF0000 ">isn’t it?

We both hated each other at first, but then, we realized we were soul mates. We even tried to ignore it but it just didn't work, instead it brought us together. He made my life better, with him I was actually smiling again. I felt happy and safe for the first time since mum died. My sister Sunny, and me moved in to Danville in Iowa to live with our granny.

I love him, and I'm not afraid to say it. I love him and I'm prepared to die instead of him.
So my last thoughts trail towards him. I wish I could've said goodbye, that I gave him my last kiss, last touch. But I couldn't have done that, he would get suspicious, if he knew what I was going to do he would try to stop me and I didn't want that.

I learned something in the past few months, I learned that truth hurts, and that some things are better kept a secret. But what has been done, has been done, and I can't change it now, #FF0000 ">no matter how much I would've tried. And so now I have to suffer the consequences of my doings and save the people that I love, since this has been my fault.





Brain freezes are temporary, but milkshakes are forever.
— SilverNight