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Gray~ Prologue

by xX_white_shadow_Xx


My name is Estefani Delilah Jordann.

I am 16 years old.

I go to Seaside High School.

Most people call me Essie.

My halfway birthday is nine days away.

My life is pretty great, but I'd never admit it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People call me Callum DaLore.

People say I'm 17 years old.

People think I'm nothing but a human teenager, going to a human high school with my human siblings.

My name is not Callum DaLore, but you don't get to know my real name.

I am not 17 years old, but you don't get to know my real age.

I am not a human, and I guess you'll have to figure out what I really am.


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Tue Jan 18, 2022 4:57 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

My name is Estefani Delilah Jordann.

I am 16 years old.

I go to Seaside High School.

Most people call me Essie.

My halfway birthday is nine days away.

My life is pretty great, but I'd never admit it.

People call me Callum DaLore.

People say I'm 17 years old.

People think I'm nothing but a human teenager, going to a human high school with my human siblings.

My name is not Callum DaLore, but you don't get to know my real name.

I am not 17 years old, but you don't get to know my real age.

I am not a human, and I guess you'll have to figure out what I really am.


Hmm...well even though we've got this particular situation titled as a bit of a prologue, what we have here seems to instead be some form of a character description of sorts where these two people are just kind of rattling off information about themselves. I don't know if perhaps you intended to start this way in a prologue in which case this is not the sort of thing you want to be including in a prologue or if this is meant to be something introducing the characters and you have titled it wrong. At any rate, you should look into that one a bit and if it is in fact a prologue you want to write, you need think of something that's more of a scene here rather than just some general description like what we have here.

Besides that little confusion there, I think you've managed to do a pretty solid job on this from what I can see. Its the very barebones of a character and from the little that is mentioned here both of them do seem like they'd be quite interesting, although I believe their personalities and such might need a little bit more development before you plan to be using them in a story.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Thu Jun 17, 2010 4:44 pm
RedBird wrote a review...



Well, this definitely and interesting starter...a good draw-in, anyway. You might want to tweak the format for both of the little "bios" of the character, so that it doesn't look like your just repeating the same thing.
Also, will you be writing this in parts that are both first person for both characters, or will it be one first person, and one third person POV?

That's all I really have...nice start!


~Reddy




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Sun Jun 13, 2010 4:20 pm
telle_04 wrote a review...



xX_white_shadow_Xx wrote:My name is Estefani Delilah Jordann.

I am 16 years old.

I go to Seaside High School.

Most people call me Essie.

My halfway birthday is nine days away.

My life is pretty great, but I'd never admit it.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


People call me Callum DaLore.

People say I'm 17 years old.

People think I'm nothing but a human teenager, going to a human high school with my human siblings.

My name is not Callum DaLore, but you don't get to know my real name.

I am not 17 years old, but you don't get to know my real age.

I am not a human, and I guess you'll have to figure out what I really am.


hello, white shadow.

*first, bear with me because this is my first review in five months.

i like the prologue--i love the characters and how you characterize them. i expect it will be a first person POV?

i can't wait to read. haha. to keep me somehow occupied while struggling with college. :)

-telle.




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Sun Jun 13, 2010 7:48 am
Snoink wrote a review...



Dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnnnn! :o

This sounds like a good writer's starter... that is, you know how you sometimes need to have motivation to write so you write something cheesy, yet oddly intriguing, that would never be published, but it helps the writer finish the daggum story anyway? This is what it seems like to me! :) So, while I would suggest not putting this in your final manuscript for the publisher, please continue this! It definitely looks promising. :)




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Sun Jun 13, 2010 7:43 am
Waterlilygirl says...



Well I'm excited! I do want more though!
Sounds awesome! Can't wait :smt003




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Sun Jun 13, 2010 7:02 am
Way2Dawn wrote a review...



Interesting prologue from what I read though there is not much to run with on this.
It could use a bit more back story on were they came from or how they came from.
Despite its length I'm still a bit hooked on who Callum really is and whats with the secrets.
Ill read future work on this just please make them a bit longer.
-Dawn





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