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Young Writers Society



Deeper Wounds [[Prologue]]

by RedRaven


[A/N]: I just thought of this the other day, after reading Wintergirls I based it loosely on one of the chapters, so that's why it might look familliar.

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Prologue

Everything hurts. Worms are gnawing on my cuts, through my joints, inside my horrid bones. I pick up my knitting needles.

I could.

If I really wanted to, right now, this minute, I could stab myself in a vein. They’re easy enough to see. Then I could walk out into a blizzard and lie down in the snow and bleed out. Hypothermia and blood loss is like going to sleep, like pricking my finger on a thorn.

I could. . .

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4096 Reviews

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Sat Jan 22, 2022 7:14 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Everything hurts. Worms are gnawing on my cuts, through my joints, inside my horrid bones. I pick up my knitting needles.

I could.

If I really wanted to, right now, this minute, I could stab myself in a vein. They’re easy enough to see. Then I could walk out into a blizzard and lie down in the snow and bleed out. Hypothermia and blood loss is like going to sleep, like pricking my finger on a thorn.

I could. . .


Well..that is quite something there. As far as prologues go, this is definitely on the shorter side of things, but wow, this is very, very punchy right here and it hits you quite strongly as a reader. There's just something quite powerful here about this scene because you've stuck to focusing on just this one emotion and you do it really powerfully there.

The descriptions used there with the whole idea of a person who is injured quite badly, but is now experiencing a worsening of said wounds is something that really catches the attention of you as a reader very strongly. Its quite a strong message that seems to convey something truly horrible has gone down here and that there isn't a lot that can be done about that.

Overall, combining that description with the sheer vagueness of some parts of this scene makes for a properly chilling scene there to start off on and we're just left with something that immediately now makes you as a reader want to know more on what's going on...and read on here. So despite the rather small size, I'd say this prologue really manages to get your attention as a reader.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sat May 29, 2010 11:07 am
midnightread wrote a review...



Hi RedRaven
I like this. Its short and sweet and shows that the character is giving up.
I think I'm going to go and read chapter one for this.
midnightread :elephant:




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Fri May 28, 2010 5:32 pm
Elinor wrote a review...



Hiya,

So, first things first. Whenever you post a piece on YWS, you should never, ever leave it as just 'untitled', 'my story', or something bland like that. When someone is looking for a story to critique on YWS, they only have access to two things; the genre and the title. That's not really a lot to judge by. If something is just 'Untitled' people will be less likely to look. Come up with something; it doesn't have to be the final title that you end up using.

Anyway, to the story. I don't know what to say about it, really. One reason why I really hate prologues is that they attempt to be arty and stylistic by being vague and only hinting at the conflict ahead, which is exactly what you do here.

Everything hurts. Worms are gnawing on my cuts, through my joints, inside my horrid bones. I pick up my knitting needles.
I could.
If I really wanted to, right now, this minute, I could stab myself in a vein. They’re easy enough to see. Then I could walk out into a blizzard and lie down in the snow and bleed out. Hypothermia and blood loss is like going to sleep, like pricking my finger on a thorn.
I could. . .


You've introduced a character and established that they're in danger, but so? This doesn't stimulate any bit of excitement. The reader doesn't know this character, and therefore will not be willing to sympathize with them or understand what they're going through or what their possible death might bring to the story and the characters. Secondly, by doing this, you're hinting at the future events that will take place, so why not just wait till the time comes around?

Secondly, you've given us no clear impact as to where the story will be headed. Right now we just get a few brief thoughts from a person on the brink of death. Good prologues should foreshadow the content of the novel; stimulate us and get us excited to read. Hope this makes sense. Good luck, and Pm me if you need anything.

-Elinor x





Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
— Quentin Crisp