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Young Writers Society



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by thegirlwhofateloves


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136 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 136

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Mon Dec 05, 2005 1:57 pm



Basically, last week I saw my ex who I dumped because he did a lot of bad things to me, and he looked right at me and didn't take his eyes off mine and he looked so unbelievably gorgeous that my heart just stopped. You know when the world just stands still and you can't hear anything?
I was also in the middle of my driving lesson and the car stalled along with my heart, just as I was pulling away from some traffic lights. All because of the fact that he was there and was giving me such an intense f***ing look.
It was more than a little embarrassing, and I couldn't concentrate for the rest of the lesson.

No offence taken, and no offence meant, but it's up to the individual if they use or like rhyming or not. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. In this case, the rhyming wasn't actually intentional, it just came, and I just wrote it down and didn't edit it. But I'll acknowledge that this isn't one of my best poems.

Don't worry TBR, he will die eventually :D lol. Hope it gets better!

Does anyone actually like this or have any feedback whatsoever?




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Points: 890
Reviews: 1160

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Wed Nov 30, 2005 7:27 pm
Elizabeth wrote a review...



It rhymed very awkwardly.... the first for lines and then it never rhymed again.
No offense but rhyming is for the old people... I never rhyme and if I do I make it seriously brief and unnoticable.

It was kind of a confusing poem. Was this girl and guy broken up? Or did she really like him? Or did something happen between them?

I feel like this right now...
And he must die.





Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
— George Eliot