Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Hmm..so this one was strange. Not sure exactly what you are trying to convey. It doesn't appear to be that clear but maybe this girl is just suffering from something. I'm not sure from the context that you have given. But the language used was almost poetic and quite good. The flow of the story of the story was also great.
Anyway let's get right to it,
The waves pounded furiously towards the moss-covered rocks, washing away some things of the past, leaving behind the foundations to create a new beginning. Lily loved to watch the tide come in and out, watching it leave behind the mysteries of the lake, bringing in the memories of long ago. The leaves had begun to fall towards the ground all around Lily, surrounding her with what felt like a protective hand, shielding her eyes from reality.
That's actually a fairly decent place to be starting a story. Kind of poetic and also describing our surroundings and introducing our protagonist which is not the worst combination that you can have.
She had lost track of how long she had been sitting on that rock. She’d lost track of time and s
pace: of life itself. She was so, utterly alone, and in the end, so was everyone else, no matter what lies everyone told themselves. It seemed like life was a runaway train, skidding along the tracks, finally ending in a great cacophonic burst of ardor; people were merely the wheels that helped the train reach its inevitable end. Yet, there she remained, completely alone, without a soul in the world knowing where she was. The city was behind her, absolute freedom before her. Her thoughts began to consume her being, forcing her to forget everything and everyone, even herself. She wanted to stay that way forever; nothing had ever been more comforting.
Well okay that took a turn that I did not expect. We're all of a sudden thinking of sadness and deep topics which are suppose appropriate to the surroundings but it still comes out of nowhere at least for me.
It wasn’t as though anything had even happened. No one had died, no catastrophic events had transpired, and no heart-ache was at hand. Lily had suddenly, randomly come to the conclusion that maybe our everyday existence wasn’t everything it was cut out to be. Maybe our actions and reactions were merely just that; perhaps they were absolutely trivial in comparison to the rest. And this unattainable echelon was incomparable to the world around her. Yet, she would sometimes question her own credibility as to whether this impossible something really existed. If it didn’t, did the “possible” exist? For if one didn’t trust their own mind, then who was there left to trust, if, in fact, we were alone?
Well it definitely did sound random and I suppose that's actually not too far fetched. That does sometimes tend to happen to people all of a sudden when they start questioning things.
As she glanced precariously over the bay, she noted a painfully happy woman with her perfect baby strolling along nearby. Lily didn’t know why, but she cursed the woman’s happiness with every ounce of her soul. This wasn’t necessarily out of jealousy; she just knew in her heart that there was no way that this woman would ever see much in anything. And worse, that she remained cloaked in her utter unawareness with every intention of staying that way. Similarly, the baby was entrenched in blissful ignorance; completely pure and innocent, shrouded in a veil of safety, but for how long? How long would that baby be sheltered by his sickeningly perfect mother?
And that took yet another turn. Now I am thinking of a psychopath and a serial killer. This is taking my mind on a bit of a roller coaster ride here.
Lily stirred at the sound of voices behind her. A group of teenagers, around Lily’s age, all sauntered by her, heading towards the alcove that they had made their own. She noticed they carried two large bags, undoubtedly filled with bottles teeming with alcohol. Its use was intended surely for some sort of veneration on Monday morning, by talking about how much they didn’t remember from the tumultuous weekend before. She was grateful when they passed by her, in search of their more appropriate drinking spot.
Well this is certainly and eventful place to be hanging out at. That's very clear.
As the sun set, Lily felt comforted by the approaching darkness; a close blanket to shield her from unfriendly eyes. Dusk was upon her, and the waves seemed to die down, blending into the horizon creating a solid block of nothingness before her eyes, destroying the line between truth and imagination.
Okay that's kind of relatable. I do like the darkness. But not quite sure what the message is that you are trying to convey here.
Aaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Okay so this one was a bit of an enigma to me in what its meant to convey but it does in fact convey something. I can definitely see some well written emotion that you are conveying through this story. I just don't think I can quite come to a conclusion as to what exactly said emotion is meant to be. But this could all just be a product of just me being dumb so there's that to think about. Overall a pretty neat piece of work.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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Reviews: 4100
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