Young Writers Society

Thanks to all of you. That line was an older poem, but my writing really hasn't changed a whole lot, so i suppose that was a completely pointless and idiotic thing to type.

As for the stanza thingy, I wanted it to be like that so it alternated, but I see what you mean, it does sort of read better that way.

I think the fourth stanza is misplaced. I would rather see the third and fifth stanzas together than third, fourth, and fifth. I don't know... it seems to be misplaced. Perhaps between what is the second stanza and thirds stanza?

It would read like this then:

Choices are the worst to make,
Since there’s so much to choose,
To choose to be a friend or more,
Or choose to win or lose.

To choose between his grainy cheek,
And my fingers sliding down her hips,
To choose between his dimpled back,
And her laughter-parted lips.

To choose between her windswept hair,
And the skin inside his thighs,
To choose between her graceful neck,
And the spark of laughter in his eyes.

A choice to make is far worse when,
The language you must speak,
Is one of love and not of words,
But of feelings thought unique.

For choosing is a better fate,
Than to choose nothing at all,
For standing is a better thing,
Than it is to trip and fall.

Does that make sense?

Also, the last line seems awkward... look at it and see what you can do about it.

I agree with Duskglimmer about making some lines more clear. But other than that i really thought it was well written. Good work

I agree that "choose" is somewhat overused. Repetition can be good when used properly, but here it just gets redundant. That aside, I really liked this piece. Great emotion, and I could relate a lot. However, your punctuation needs work. You don't NEED a comma after every single line. I fact, in some phrases it doesn't even make sense. For instance:

A choice to make is far worse when,
The language you must speak,

wow... not exactly what I expected from the title, but okay...

I thought the rhyming was a little distracting because I found myself jumping ahead to provide a rhyme myself before reading the next line. However, it didn't really sound all that forced to me, so this may just be one of my quirks.

Choices are the worst to make,
Since there’s so much to choose,
To choose to be a friend or more,
Or choose to win or lose.

The word "choose" appears far too often in this stanza. There's one "choose" in almost every line! Try to see if there's a different way to introduce this and cut out a little bit of the repition.

But of feelings thought unique.

This line is a little awkward. I stumbled over it as I read it and had to go back a few times to understand what was being said. It would nice if it could be made a little clearer.

Other than that, all I can really say is that it's not what I expected going in and it caught me off-gaurd.