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Young Writers Society



Monsters (Part 2)

by Halloween


My heart raced and I knew I would see the end soon. I turned over and awaited the merciless teeth of a ravenous monster. To my surprise and immense relief, a man, not a monster stood over me.

“Sorry buddy, didn’t mean to scare ya’.” he said with an outstretched hand. I grabbed it and he helped me up. “So ya got a death wish or what? I mean, there’s only two types of people out this late. Morons and people who want to die. So which one are ya?”

I suppose he was right. No one in their right mind would be out in the woods late at night. However, he had to fall into one of those two categories himself. “Given the two options I would have to say I’m a moron. I was out for a walk this afternoon and got lost. How about you? Are you stupid or suicidal?”

The man gave a little chuckle, shook his head. He then reached out again. “Name’s Gus. And I definitely don’t plan to die tonight, so I guess I’m joinin’ you in the idiot club. I was hopin’ to reach my brother’s village before nightfall. Didn’t even come close. We ain’t too far from it now if you’d like to come along. There’s a ton of monsters out lookin’ for a piece of meat to chew on. So how ‘bout it? Or do you just want to stay out here and die?”

For some reason, I liked this guy. He seemed to have a kind of blue-collar wisdom about him so I gave him a subtle bow “after you” I said.

We swiftly and silently walked through the woods. After about an hour or so, we got close enough to see the torch light that lined the perimeter of the village. “You can stay with me and my brother. I’m sure he won’t mind letting you stay with him for a night. And let me tell you, his wife Myra makes the greatest omelets you ever ate!” A few steps later, he stopped dead in his tracks. Looking down and stomping his feet on the ground he asked “What in God's name?”

In a flash, a mighty beast leaped up from beneath him. Perhaps this was the same Rylock that was hunting me earlier. Perhaps it was not, but a Rylock it was. The creature knocked Gus to the ground and turned towards me. It produced a seven-inch hook-like claw from each of horrible digit-less paws. The monster raised its mighty limb and for the third time that evening, I was prepared myself to die. Just before the claw came down Gus leaped up and grabbed brute’s the thick arm. I heard him yell “Run for it boy! I’ll take care of our friend here!”

But the Rylock was too much for him. It threw Gus like a rag doll. Gus charged the monster. With one swift motion, the Rylock sunk its meat hook into the neck of my new friend. I watched in horror as he was slowly drawn toward the jaws of the heartless creature. With an unrelenting spirit, Gus mustered every last ounce of strength left in his dying body and personified his dogged attitude in one final right cross. The punch was snatched up by the hungry jaws of the Rylock.

The monster opened wide, leading Gus to his fate. With a mouth full of blood, Gus used his last breath to yell, “Why ain’t you runnin’ boy!” I pointed my nose to the village and I didn’t stop running until I was safe within its borders.


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118 Reviews


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Sat Dec 03, 2005 4:14 pm
*Twilight* wrote a review...



Bravo Halloween, I loved it! The reason I like this is because it consists of four things that I like in a story. 1: Suspense 2: The lack of big words 3: Dark worlds with mysterious things lurking everywhere 4: The most obvious reason of all is good storytelling. People try to make their story look professional with big words and extremely detailed descriptions but, that dosen't exactly make a good story and you know that. So to make my rant more clear this story contains the perfect mix of all of the things I like. I can't wait till pt 3. :mrgreen:




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Wed Nov 16, 2005 6:27 pm
Carmina wrote a review...



As this is a continuation of hte first piece, all the good things I said before still apply. I liked how quickly you intorduced and established Gus as a character. You still have not fully established the protagonist yet. Hopefully that will come when he has more interactions with people.
Nit-picks:

in their right mind
,
My heart raced
,
ton of
. Watch your cliches and tired expressions. Some of these, you can steal the meaning of hte expression and jsut say it differently. Like, when people are scared, their hearts do race. Just say it differently. You know?

blue-collar
Watch that your language matches the fantasy setting. Blue-collar and white-collar are much more recent additions the English language. I don't think they apply to a pre-industrial society. That is what I assuming this is. We don't generally have "villages" in an industrial society.

I had one question.
a mighty beast leaped up from beneath him
How does hte creature leap up from beneath him? They are big creatures. How did it do that? Or, are the sub-terarian and he jumped out of a hole?

On the whole, a good addition to the continueing story. Let me know when part 3 comes out. :)




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Wed Nov 16, 2005 4:29 pm
Emma says...



Yeah, what fishr said, PM with part three. This very good, but if Gus was dying, whouldn't he be breathing the words, I don't think he would be able to yell him. But that is just me.

It's very good. I love it.




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Wed Nov 16, 2005 5:09 am
Fishr wrote a review...



Wowzers! :D More, more, more.
I like Gus. I think its amusing how he's a redneck and a stubborn one at that, all the way down to near death, he still delivers a final punch and is yelling at the boy. That's pretty cool.

The other thing I like about this is, not only is it suspensful, but its not over exaterated. I can actually understand what's going on and probably could relate to the same situation, as anyone I'm sure could.

When you post part III please PM. I'll definately read, I like this story alot. Good job Halloween!!




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Wed Nov 16, 2005 4:44 am
Tazy says...



Good piece i liked it imesly.





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