Young Writers Society



A Leap of Faith

by Khemi


I imagine I’m on a cliff somewhere. It’s sunny; harsh, but there’s a cool breeze that caresses my skin as it passes. It is my urge, the voice and sense of will; brave and blowing towards the cliff top opposite. It is the drive I need to get me to it and over the gaping canyon which lies between; rocky, deep and threatening. It threatens an end in death or an excruciating pain of some kind. A kind similar to the agony brought about by something internally broken, like bones or a fractured heart…

The gap is wide and dangerous looking. The sight makes me feel sick a little and triggers unusual sensations in my stomach. A churn, a flip, a sink… All the while the wind is attempting to sweep me over the canyon to safety. To the wonders of life and all the experiences I’ve wanted and prayed for. Yet, something is keeping my feet on the ground. There is an anchor in my sole, and my mind drips words of warning so I question my temptation.

‘Am I mad to even consider a leap of this kind?’

‘What if I get hurt? How will I recover?’

Sure enough, I know, the wind will give up trying and let me be. It’s not real anyway. My mind tells me. Even so, there’s no way to be sure that I can make it over safely. Trust is a like a risky investment. How can I put my life in unsteady hands?

I however have to make a decision, before the element of freedom passes and I’m left alone without a choice.

Fight of flight?

I can’t remember whether that term is relevant here. I remember hearing it on television programme, and I gather my own meaning from it but am unsure as to whether I’m using correctly. Fight the temptation or fly with it? I’m asking.

I take in a deep breath and as I do, I look down into the footless canyon beneath me. I feel uneasy, but as this happens the cool breeze whispers a message, dolce. sweet…

‘Have no fear. Let your heart be free.’

Freedom.

Freedom takes me over the gap.

It’s simple. It’s swift. It’s easy…

I feel lighter – brighter…

Ready.

I take a few steps forward and turn around to set my eyes on the distance travelled for the last time and look over in pride over the length I have flown.

'My. Look how far I’ve come…'


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Wed Jan 25, 2023 2:21 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I imagine I’m on a cliff somewhere. It’s sunny; harsh, but there’s a cool breeze that caresses my skin as it passes. It is my urge, the voice and sense of will; brave and blowing towards the cliff top opposite. It is the drive I need to get me to it and over the gaping canyon which lies between; rocky, deep and threatening. It threatens an end in death or an excruciating pain of some kind. A kind similar to the agony brought about by something internally broken, like bones or a fractured heart…

The gap is wide and dangerous looking. The sight makes me feel sick a little and triggers unusual sensations in my stomach. A churn, a flip, a sink… All the while the wind is attempting to sweep me over the canyon to safety. To the wonders of life and all the experiences I’ve wanted and prayed for. Yet, something is keeping my feet on the ground. There is an anchor in my sole, and my mind drips words of warning so I question my temptation.

‘Am I mad to even consider a leap of this kind?’

‘What if I get hurt? How will I recover?’


Well this is quite the place to start off with here. We're really just diving straight in there to quite the conundrum for this person and I love the way that you've manage to paint this here. It really manages to bring across the vibes pretty powerfully I think to just describe the drop off somewhat indirectly there simply through the various thoughts back and forth this person is having as they are about to jump.

Sure enough, I know, the wind will give up trying and let me be. It’s not real anyway. My mind tells me. Even so, there’s no way to be sure that I can make it over safely. Trust is a like a risky investment. How can I put my life in unsteady hands?

I however have to make a decision, before the element of freedom passes and I’m left alone without a choice.

Fight of flight?

I can’t remember whether that term is relevant here. I remember hearing it on television programme, and I gather my own meaning from it but am unsure as to whether I’m using correctly. Fight the temptation or fly with it? I’m asking.


Ooooh this thought process is really heading in some powerful directions here. I've never seen someone interpret the idea of a fight or flight situation like this. It ends up just sort of reversing the direction almost of the kind of meaning that each of those words would normally have when coupled with the idea of temptation.

I take in a deep breath and as I do, I look down into the footless canyon beneath me. I feel uneasy, but as this happens the cool breeze whispers a message, dolce. sweet…

‘Have no fear. Let your heart be free.’

Freedom.

Freedom takes me over the gap.

It’s simple. It’s swift. It’s easy…

I feel lighter – brighter…

Ready.

I take a few steps forward and turn around to set my eyes on the distance travelled for the last time and look over in pride over the length I have flown.

'My. Look how far I’ve come…'


Well this is an oddly wholesome moment to end what has otherwise been a rather scary place to start here. Quite the moment you've managed to build there. I think you do a wonderful job there as far as painting this scenario goes and then the way there's a moment to turn back and reflect makes for a rather powerful ending there. It seems to almost have a greater meaning in the end than simply jumping off a cliff.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




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Wed Nov 25, 2009 5:10 pm
*coco says...



This is so great to read, you didn't overdo it but mentioned enough to leave me hooked. Please pm me the next chapter,I can't wait to read more! Bets of luck!
*coco




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Wed Nov 25, 2009 4:37 pm
AmyCx wrote a review...



I loved this - but is it a short story or the first chapter/prologue of a larger one?

The pace was good, not too slow, but slow enough to cover all the thoughts that your character would feel standing on the clifftop. There are a couple of spelling mistakes ('Fight of flight' instead of 'fight or flight'), but those could be quickly edited out.

My favourite line was the last one: "My. Look how far I've come..."

I'd be interested in reading more of this story, though it is perfect as a short story :) Good job.





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