Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
‘I felt the icy hand on my neck. Shivers ran through my whole body, my breathing came in quick ugly gasps. Tears were slowly escaping my eyes. I wanted to beg, to plead but no words would come up past the huge lump in my throat. My heart was trying to jump out of my chest. I felt warm lips on my neck, sharp teeth, and then my body shook softly and the pain slowly started to ebb away, the pain, the terror it all went and was replaced by the hunger. He’d come for me. He’d said he would come. He came and he stole my life, my breath and now I will kill him. But he won’t have another life after death. This time, this death, this one was permanent. I felt my nails grow and sharpen. I spun around lightning fast, and sliced my nails through his flesh. He screamed in pain, grabbed his throat, and fell. He looked up at me with pain in his eyes and asked why. I stood back and laughed at him. I told him he was stupid to have turned me, he should have just killed me. It was then that he started to laugh. He moved his hand. He wasn’t dead, Oh CRAP.’
Wow well this one did not waste any time whatsoever diving just absolutely straight in here. Before I go too far though I will start out by saying that this could do with being split into at the very least two paragraphs if not three because we do have a couple of scenes worth of material here all being crammed into the one paragraph. This one isn't quite long enough to make it tough to read but a few paragraphs really will only make this better.
So moving on into the story itself here, I think you've got yourself quite the piece assembled up here. It definitely grips you quite quickly there with that opening wasting no words whatsoever. I do like the vibe of that. The general sense of panic and fear and that slight sense of resigned acceptance seeps through quite nicely into the whole piece too and I think that goes a long way to make this that much more powerful of a piece.
So overall, a pretty short bit here but you've really manages to sell some rather powerful moments of fear and dashed hopes in this one. Its definitely too short on its own to mean too much but as a single scene on its own its quite captivating and leaves you curious for more about what happens next and what led up to this.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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