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my thoughts

by angie208


when friendship takes a turn for the worst no one will be there to save me. My only rescue will be the box of two-ply tissues that fill the space in my waste basket. And when the moon rests above the trees everything fades away into the comfort of my pillows. some people center themselves to find a "happy place" within. others just take the unsuscribed medication to kill the problems they encounter. as for me, the dreamless nights bury the sadness deep underground. until the dreadful sound of my alarm brings reality home for me to face. most of the time people see the shiny glass that covers my skin instead of the rusty interior underneath. the rust stands for the lies, the names, the tears. the glass is the band-aid to hide the wounds from the questions and regret. Yes, regret. while the world seems to orbit without any pauses, it has created many disasters which leaves a nasty trail of sadness and secrets. life is like an orbit. never stopping, never pausing, and never looking back to see the relationship its destroyed. although you apologize for time is so short to bottle up emotions, the question still remains burning into the skull of your head. "will anything ever be the same?" in time the question will erode because the laughs we share through the summer days heals the burn like ointment for a bad rash. but with a single reminder everything goes pitch black and the only sound your ears can find is the rapid thumping in your chest. then without warning the pain creeps up from behind and pulls you down by the veins of your heart. its a cycle of repeating dread. often it feels as if a great depression for yourself, you you guide it to seem that way. also it leads you mind into the forest of doubts, without any answers, that leaves you hanging off a cliff until the feeling is so overwhelming its literally taking place. all the while your waiting for someone to grab your shoulder and snap yourself out of the hysteria. suddenly in the blink of an eye the warmth surrounds and cushions your body while the inside of your eyelids delete the image. while this is happening someone is watching me. they are simply by my side going through the same torture...that we together have caused for each other. somehow our minds have trained to think that the despair of another will heal the scar made by the hurtful actions. as time moves forward much of the memories will disintegrate with newer, happier ones filling its place. only with time will the apologies be accepted. a relationship has ups and downs much like a roller coaster. a relationship has an unstoppable cycle much like a Ferris wheel. but a healthy relationship moves up and forward with the past left in place and a place for the future to hold.


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Mon Dec 05, 2022 5:57 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

when friendship takes a turn for the worst no one will be there to save me. My only rescue will be the box of two-ply tissues that fill the space in my waste basket. And when the moon rests above the trees everything fades away into the comfort of my pillows. some people center themselves to find a "happy place" within. others just take the unsuscribed medication to kill the problems they encounter. as for me, the dreamless nights bury the sadness deep underground. until the dreadful sound of my alarm brings reality home for me to face. most of the time people see the shiny glass that covers my skin instead of the rusty interior underneath. the rust stands for the lies, the names, the tears. the glass is the band-aid to hide the wounds from the questions and regret. Yes, regret. while the world seems to orbit without any pauses, it has created many disasters which leaves a nasty trail of sadness and secrets. life is like an orbit. never stopping, never pausing, and never looking back to see the relationship its destroyed. although you apologize for time is so short to bottle up emotions, the question still remains burning into the skull of your head. "will anything ever be the same?" in time the question will erode because the laughs we share through the summer days heals the burn like ointment for a bad rash. but with a single reminder everything goes pitch black and the only sound your ears can find is the rapid thumping in your chest. then without warning the pain creeps up from behind and pulls you down by the veins of your heart. its a cycle of repeating dread. often it feels as if a great depression for yourself, you you guide it to seem that way. also it leads you mind into the forest of doubts, without any answers, that leaves you hanging off a cliff until the feeling is so overwhelming its literally taking place. all the while your waiting for someone to grab your shoulder and snap yourself out of the hysteria. suddenly in the blink of an eye the warmth surrounds and cushions your body while the inside of your eyelids delete the image. while this is happening someone is watching me. they are simply by my side going through the same torture...that we together have caused for each other. somehow our minds have trained to think that the despair of another will heal the scar made by the hurtful actions. as time moves forward much of the memories will disintegrate with newer, happier ones filling its place. only with time will the apologies be accepted. a relationship has ups and downs much like a roller coaster. a relationship has an unstoppable cycle much like a Ferris wheel. but a healthy relationship moves up and forward with the past left in place and a place for the future to hold.


Okayyy well I'll have to start by saying this one is in dire need of some paragraphing here. As it stands right now its a bit of a big ol' jumble of words here and it is not easy to follow here, not to mention the flow of the piece has also ended up taking quite a severe beating as a result. This could benefit quite a bit from having a few more clearly defined paragraphs.

Moving past that though, this is actually a pretty powerful piece here. We've got ourselves a pretty well done display of just raw emotions in this one. That flow being absent make it a little bit less potent than it could be, but despite that it still manages to be quite powerful here with the way you tap into those emotions.

I think you've done a pretty solid job there with how you're bringing it all to life. It really does manage to tap into these specific situation quite well here using that. I think on the whole this piece has a lot of potential because of just how powerful it is, but it needs to be ironed out quite a bit in terms of making it easier to follow and flow a bit better, which would increase that potency quite a bit.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Fri Jun 05, 2009 6:11 am
Rascalover wrote a review...



Hello, welcome to YWS! I do have to mention that we tend to follow one rule and that is to review two other pieces of work before posting our own. That is to ensure that everyones work is reviewed and critqued. if you have any questions or need something to review please feel free to PM me :)

I also see that this piece needs alot of work. I don't think this is in the right place unless you tend to follow up on it with more maybe it should be moved to the thread called 'other'.

There is alot of puncuation and grammatical errors. I think that you wrote this while you were still upset and that is why there are so many errors. I think once you take some time to look this over you could fix them your self but if you need help with this please feel free to pm me. I also think it shouldn't be in such a clump it makes it harder for the reader to read it :)

Good effort :)

-Tiffany




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Thu Jun 04, 2009 9:50 pm
lakegirls wrote a review...



Hi,
Welcome to YWS! First off I don't think this is in the right place, try moving it to fiction, unless you plan on turning it into a story. While very interesting, and filled with emotion, this story is one big clump. You might want to consider changing it into multiple paragraph's. This will make your story flow better and more readers attracted to your promising work.

If you ever need anything PM me!

Love,
N





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