Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
I had just flopped into one of the soft leather chairs at the front of the coffee shop, cracked open my book, and sipped my cappuccino when he walked in. I almost choked on my coffee when I got a good glimpse of him. I knew who he was instantly. I swallowed my drink hard.
He was the most gorgeous man in history and the best photographer I've ever heard of. His name is Christopher Armstrong. Rumor had it that he was looking for new models for this season's look. I was going to be one of those models. I knew deep in my heart. I was sure the clothes would look great on me. They were my style: dark and dangerous with a hint of sexy. The only problem was... he was a vampire. And I was terrified of him.
Ok...well this is a combination of cliches that I have never actually seen before. It definitely caught me off guard there. I'd say you've managed to actually combine too somewhat often used situations and go mix them up into a bit of a unique one here and I love it. Its a lovely place to start off here too, just dropping a bomb like that right on the reader.
Even though everybody knew about and accepted vampires there were still a few "accidents" where a human ended up being drained. Vampires were trying very hard to be normal though, and people were donating more blood than ever before. The vampires bought it form the blood bank and drank it like soda.
The easiest way people could tell a human from a vampire was their eyes. Vampires' pupils were always very large and their irises were much brighter than humans. They also came in more shades like neon green, sky blue, and even some pinks, purples and oranges. Only the wild vampires that still regularly fed on humans had black eyes and were either in prison or in some hiding places outside the city.
Well that was a bit too much information I feel to cram in there. Its all very interesting, don't get me wrong, but as important and exciting as introducing the rules of a world is, just chucking such a large chunk of information into the middle of a scene ends up completely derailing the flow of it and breaking the immersion a little so you want to be a little more careful of that and perhaps try and make this a little shorter here or at least integrate it a bit deeper into the text.
While he made his order, I did everything in my power to make myself astonishing. I whipped out my compact and added a fresh layer of lip gloss. Then hurriedly ran my fingers through my hair. I got into the most attractive pose I could manage in the huge chair. Then decided to only pay attention to my drink so he wouldn't think I was just some crazed fan girl.
When he received his drink he turned on his heel and looked right at me. My spine tensed, I really hoped he didn't notice. He moved swiftly to my side. Then sat in the chair right next to mine so we would have to share an end table. I watched as he put his newspaper down right beside my book. Then to my amazement, he looked up right into my eyes and said, "Hello I'm Christopher Armstrong, have you ever considered modeling?"
Well that was actually not how I predicted that interaction going. I love that it seems like we've got a successful plan being executed right at the start here. That is quite rare to see here sometimes. I think this makes for a lovely start as a result. Its a good reimagining of some older cliches and I think it really does a good job of getting us as the audience invested.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
bElL3
Points: 209766
Reviews: 3848
Donate