Young Writers Society



MAGIC.

by galadriel


(1: Regan)

There’s a piece of red paper stuck to my locker with a piece of tape. I wonder what it could be. Maybe a note telling me I have to go see the principal. The principal and I are pretty tight, since I rescued her cat from a Dumpster once.

I set my backpack on the ground and take the paper off of the front of my locker. I start to unfold it, holding it away from my face like they say to do on bottles of pop and champagne and the like. Safety first, after all.

There’s nothing inside but four words written in loopy, girlish handwriting on the middle of the paper:

Run away with me.


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Mon Nov 28, 2022 4:11 pm
lliyah says...



Kind of poetic.




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Mon Nov 28, 2022 6:32 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

There’s a piece of red paper stuck to my locker with a piece of tape. I wonder what it could be. Maybe a note telling me I have to go see the principal. The principal and I are pretty tight, since I rescued her cat from a Dumpster once.

I set my backpack on the ground and take the paper off of the front of my locker. I start to unfold it, holding it away from my face like they say to do on bottles of pop and champagne and the like. Safety first, after all.

There’s nothing inside but four words written in loopy, girlish handwriting on the middle of the paper:

Run away with me.


Hmm well this is quite a lot that you've managed to somehow do in such a short number of words here. I do love the way this starts off here, and I am assuming from the way its formatted there at the top we're looking at something of a first chapter to a story here perhaps with multiple narrators from the way that name is mentioned at the start.

At any rate I love the way you've introduced this character here. It has very minimal amounts of padding in terms of the information you're giving us, and you just really get right into this person's daily life and use those interactions rather cleverly to tell us what sort of person this happens to be here. I think that really works quite nicely for an introduction like this and lets us get straight into the story here.

That ending seems just about perfect to end this on here, because unlike the usual sort of background you'd have to note of that nature, this one seems more mysterious than anything else and that creates a bit of a different angle to view this from which I do love.

Overall, I'd say this is a pretty solid start to a story that you've got yourself here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Wed May 13, 2009 10:19 pm
Lauren2010 wrote a review...



Interesting. It's short, but like the Lauren above said it's not bad since it seems like you will have rotating narrators.

I like the tone of Regan, it makes your character sound real.

And also, the 'run away with me' that ends the chapter is an excellet hook. I automatically wanted to read more. =)

Keep Writing
Lauren




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Mon May 11, 2009 11:41 am
Lauren wrote a review...



Hi.
With regards to it being so short, it really depends on the kind of short story you're writing. I noticed it said 'Regan' by the '1', so I'm guessing there'll be rotating narratives? In that case, I think it's not too short, though if you maintain this sort of chapter length the whole way through, it could be offputting to readers (would be to me, anyway).
Now, nit-picks, of which I can only find one! *Is dissatisfied*

Dumpster
Yeeeah, I'd say that capital D is unnecessary.
So all good, I guess. You've set Regan's tone very well--she sounds like a real person.

Au revoir!





That awkward moment when you jump out a window because your friend jumped out a window, then you remember that your other friend can fly.
— Rick Riordan, The Ship of the Dead