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Young Writers Society



The Decision

by Tríona


[size=18] The Decision[/size]

Sarah placed the phone on the receiver gently and felt a giggle rise up within her. She had to squeeze her hands to her sides to prevent herself from jumping up and down on the spot. She had just spent the last ten (glorious) minutes on the phone to none other than Alex Davids, the undeniable “hunk” from year twelve. And not only that but she had agreed to go to the cinema with him on Saturday night. Her glee was evident, a radiant smile beaming across her face, like a lightening bolt from above. Her heart throbbed painfully fast in her chest as she tried (unsuccessfully) to compose herself.

It was lust at first sight. Even Sarah had to admit that. But one glimpse of Alex and how could it be anything else. Tall with baby blue eyes, muscles like mountains and a mane of strawberry blond hair he seemed to be Gods gift to womankind. His extensive line of past-girlfriends could have astonished even the publisher of the Guinness Book of Records but this didn’t bother Sarah. He was going to be her boyfriend now. Even the thought of his immaculate face sent a torrent of shivers down her spine and left her feeling weak at the knees.

But within a moment Sarah’s mind began to race frantically. What if he was just using her as something to use in between “real” girlfriends. She admitted she was no great beauty. Her long coffee-coloured hair fell to her waist, framing her blue-eyed, slightly freckled face and her tall-ish, skinny figure left a lot to be desired. What could a guy like Alex want with her? Indeed she was different from the long-legged, brown-eyed beauties that were his usual girlfriends. She tried to dispel these thoughts from her mind but still they kept returning, haunting her. Finally she decided. If Alex really wanted her as his girlfriend he would have to work to get her.


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Thu Jun 30, 2022 1:59 pm
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

Sarah placed the phone on the receiver gently and felt a giggle rise up within her. She had to squeeze her hands to her sides to prevent herself from jumping up and down on the spot. She had just spent the last ten (glorious) minutes on the phone to none other than Alex Davids, the undeniable “hunk” from year twelve. And not only that but she had agreed to go to the cinema with him on Saturday night. Her glee was evident, a radiant smile beaming across her face, like a lightening bolt from above. Her heart throbbed painfully fast in her chest as she tried (unsuccessfully) to compose herself.


Well this is a cute start here. A tad bit heavy on a very tried and very tested cliche there but it is one I know I personally love seeing, so its a pretty solid start. You hit all the notes that you want to hit on something of that nature and I think it does a pretty solid job in that sense of getting us readers all the information that we need to know and capturing our attention.

It was lust at first sight. Even Sarah had to admit that. But one glimpse of Alex and how could it be anything else. Tall with baby blue eyes, muscles like mountains and a mane of strawberry blond hair he seemed to be Gods gift to womankind. His extensive line of past-girlfriends could have astonished even the publisher of the Guinness Book of Records but this didn’t bother Sarah. He was going to be her boyfriend now. Even the thought of his immaculate face sent a torrent of shivers down her spine and left her feeling weak at the knees.


Well this is a nice little change there. Almost a tiny bit of a satire of this particular cliche there by sort of going against the usual love at first sight to the more common real life occurrence. Well now this paints this whole thing in yet another light here and I am loving this new direction that this is now taking it in.

But within a moment Sarah’s mind began to race frantically. What if he was just using her as something to use in between “real” girlfriends. She admitted she was no great beauty. Her long coffee-coloured hair fell to her waist, framing her blue-eyed, slightly freckled face and her tall-ish, skinny figure left a lot to be desired. What could a guy like Alex want with her? Indeed she was different from the long-legged, brown-eyed beauties that were his usual girlfriends. She tried to dispel these thoughts from her mind but still they kept returning, haunting her. Finally she decided. If Alex really wanted her as his girlfriend he would have to work to get her.


Aaand well this is an interesting little roundabout to take there towards that ending. That certainly took a journey and a half there but its an interesting conclusion. It adds yet another layer of depth to the situation and I love seeing this. This just got more and more interesting the further we got.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Thu Sep 29, 2005 2:09 am
Mackdaddy77 wrote a review...



I thought it was really good.

It really grabbed my attention.

And I wanted to know what happens. "Do they become united"?, "Is he playin her"?

When are you goin to put the finnish on this story?

Let me know, ok. :wink:




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Thu Sep 15, 2005 2:54 am
July27 wrote a review...



I liked this -- but I don't know if this is a stylistic thing or what but sometimes it's better to use commas instead of parentheses, especially when you're doing it more than once. At least, it makes me read things more smoothly instead of parentheses interrupting with comment from the writer.

But, I definitely felt her excitement, even if the guy wasn't my type by description! :]




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Sun Sep 11, 2005 7:03 pm
yoha_ahoy wrote a review...



Welcome! Yes, great start. It pulled me right in. I love your physical description of the characters. I always suck at that part. Just in general I think your descriptions are very good. :wink:

It sounds like a great story. When will there be more? :D




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Sun Sep 11, 2005 12:59 pm
Tríona says...



Thanks for the warm welcome! :D




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Sun Sep 11, 2005 3:10 am
Kay Kay says...



I like it! Hey you're new...sorry i haven't welcomed you yet. Welcome! Anyways, like nate said it's short but good. I hope there will be more to read. Great job and keep up the good work.




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Wed Sep 07, 2005 11:19 pm
Nate says...



Great quick story. Everything flows together nicely and it conveys a lot of information in a tight space. The only part that seemed weird was with the last two sentences; it read like they should be joined together rather than seperate.





“Such nonsense!" declared Dr Greysteel. "Whoever heard of cats doing anything useful!" "Except for staring at one in a supercilious manner," said Strange. "That has a sort of moral usefulness, I suppose, in making one feel uncomfortable and encouraging sober reflection upon one's imperfections.”
— Susanna Clarke, Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell