Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
I've always looked at my life as a great blessed nightmare. I look back on it and wonder whether or not I'm glad it was.
I suppose we could go back to when I was eight and got kicked out by my vampire father after my witch mom died, or even after I left the orphanage, when I turned fourteen. But all of that doesn't really interest me.
For starters, I should probably tell you my name, although it is also uninteresting. I am Lindsay Bellmoore, and this is my story. I was born in a town called Kimbershire, though that's likely to be viewed as irrelevant. I walked the streets at age fourteen, going to school, working, and living in a small apartment I payed for myself. Life would have been alright, but I was often chased by the creatures men call "werewolves". I was often forced to use my magic at a young age, only assisted by the wand my mother left me. But enough of all this whining.
Okayy...well that is quite the start there. There's definitely a bit more going on in that particular declaration than you might find by the average person in that sort of situation. It does definitely take one by surprise a bit there and does capture your attention pretty well I think. A pretty solid job as far as that opening is concerned. So many questions being asked too.
One day, believe it or not, I was in the Kimbershire Public Library when I found a book. But this was a special book. "The Book Of Vampiric Knowledge: Everything You need To Know," I read aloud after removing the mountains of dust from the cover.
I went home and read vigorously, choking on bits of unbelievable information. The book said some amazing things like "Vampires shimmer in sunlight." That was a flat out lie. If you're full breed, you burn and if you're half breed you get sunburnt really easy.And worse "Vampires don't have fangs." We have fangs, they just don't protrude our mouths like walrus tusks! how much beauty can a creature sustain if they have huge tooth-like things jabbing out from their upper jaw?
Okay...it seems we're building on the vampire style quite a bit here. I think you're doing a really nice job of building up some intriguing world building in the background that way and adding a bit more suspense into the situation that you already developed there at the start.
The next year I was chocked full of information(I was able to sort out truths from lies) and I was ready to look for "The Caverns Of The Half-Bloods". Apparently this was a place where mix breeds could go if they were chased.
One night I set out as usual, for my evening search for the caverns. I looked out from the top of the tallest building in town, and saw only dark. I sat on the edge of the roof, letting my legs dangle. I saw a shadow in the light behind me, turned, and was pushed off by big, hairy arms.
Alright this is an interesting, I wouldn't really call that a cliffhanger honestly as much as it is pretty much just a regulation ending there. It still does its job fairly well and there's enough intrigue there that you want to read on and find out more so I'd say despite the lack of a real cliffhanger, its not losing out on much here, so on the whole a decent first chapter here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
!
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