Young Writers Society

A/N This is a expansion of Little Girl/Not a Little Girl

The Moment the pixies saw the little girl sitting at the edge of the school yard, huddled,, shaking and crying, they knew what she was. All the signs were there. her name was Ciara, and she was the tinest little thing in the yard. Her eyes were a funny shade of blue, almost purple. Not the normal sort of eye colour one would expact to see on the human side of things. But then again, this little girl was not a notmal human. She had a little bit of pixie blood in her.

"What do you think?" asked one of the pixies, hading behind a tree. "Should we show ourselves to her?"

"Oh yes," replied pixie number two. "It could only do good to reveal ourselves to her. Look at her. She is certainly one of us. Have you ever seen such a tiny girl on the human side of things unless she had something wrong with her bones?"

Oh, non, of course not. And she;s certainly shaped like a proper human. Those all-human little people are usually shaped funny."

"So it's settled, then? We shall go to her?"

"Yes, yes, I'm afraid we must. Did you see how cruel the other children are to her? today one of them threw a paper ball at her! If I didn't know better, I'd say they know what she is."

"You're right. She needs us."

* * *

I had been at my new school for about a month when the pixies came to me to show me that there was more to the world than the human side of things. Not that I knew to call it that back then. I was only six years old. At such a young age, I already knew I was different, though. You would think that after being in the school for a month, I's have made some friends. Not me. When I moved to my new school I became the target. Every school must have one. It's th kid that nobody likes, and just about everyone has a turn teasing. The big schools must have one in every grade, I suppose, especially the high schools. But I was too small to know much about that. ALl I knew was that I had no friends, and that I din't belong.

Then came the day the pixie showe dthemselves to me. I was sitting under my favourite tree, Joseph. I don't knwo why I called him that. I just thought that he needed a name. It was like he was alive, like there was something in him besides wood. If I couldn't have human friends, he would be my friend, so he needed a name.

"Are you sad because youre all alone?" called a tinkling voice.

I sat there, awestruck. Barbies, was my first thought. These things were about the size of Barbies, maybe a bit smaller, and had bodies sort of like Barbies. But Barbies did not wear gossamer dresses of flowers and leaves, nor did they have shimmering little wings. Their wings were so small that any expert of flying wouls say that they shouldn't be able to fly, but they did.

"We saw what the other children do, so you can come play with us," said the leafy, Barbie-like creature. "You have pixie blood, so you belong with us."

Pixie blood? What was the Barbie talking about? No, not a Barbie, a pixie. i'd never neard of a pixie before. i'd heard of fairies, though, and these creatres did looke like the pictures of fairies that I'd seen.

As U watched the pixies dancing on one of Joseph's branches, they said something I'll never forget. "It's only forever."

Forever means nothing to a child, so of course I agreed to go with them. because on the human side of things, I was only good for one thing, and I knew I did not want to be the target anymore.

"It'l just be for a little while," said Flowery Pixie. I know it doesn't make much sence, but that's the way the pixies work. I guess they said that because they didn't want me to think that I would be giving up something, that I would be able to go back to the human side of things whenever I wanted to if things got better.

Bt things didn't get better. Not for a long time. I began to believe that it never would. At the time, I was so young, and it hurt so much to be where I was. And how could I resist what they offered me?

"We can visit Avalon, and the Realm of Faeire."

"Let's not forget Narnia and Middle Earth. Humans think those places were made up by stuffy, old English men, but it was really us pixies whispering in their ears."

SO I went with them, and suddenly I was in a place where I thought I belonged. I wasn't the target who didn't know how to talk to other kids. I was the only kid there, anyway. And the only things thrrown at me were thrown in fun. At such a young age, I thought it was the best thing in the world that could ever have happened to me. I spent as little time as possible on the human side of things.

Were there times when I regretted going with the pixies? Not at all. But those few times I did go to the human side of things, I began to wonder why I wasn;t there more often. There was just something about being with the pixies that felt uncomfortable.

"Pixie," I said one day as we clmbed the Misty Mountain. "Why did I come here?"

"Isn't the view enough?"

"Oh, certainly, it is beautiful, but that's not what I mean."

"then whatever do you mean?" she asked, so innocent and ignorant, but also all-knowing.

"This world. This side of life."

She didn't answer, just changed the subject. An eagle was flying by, and she insisted that we watch it. But on the way down the Mountain, she said, "No one can blame you for leaving the huamn side of things."

That's right. That's why I left. It was because of all the horrible things the kids did to me. the teasing. the rejection. The isolation. That made it okat. None of those things exisited in Middle earth, so how could I not go there? There are hundreds of other kids out there who suffered the way I did, and it never made any sence to me why none of them joined me. What is there for us in a world where al we get is ridicule, insults, and are forced to be alone. But I'm the one with the pixie blood, right? And the pixies came to me. And because they came to me, I know I couldn't just sit there and watch the other kids play with their friends while I was alone.

So I danced in the Faery Cirles, learned how to control the weather in Avalon, met Aslan in Narnia, and had Second Breakfast with Hobbits of the Shire. I saw all those wonderful places that normal humans only ever see in books and movies, and even some places that aren't even seen there.

But something inside me told me that I had to go back.

"No, you can't go!" Flowery Pixie protested.

"I want to see what things are like on the human side of things," I told her.

Leafy Pixie was a little more in control of herself. "If you stay with us you might get to meet a unicorn."

That did it. I stayed. I mean, who wouldn't want to meet a unicorn. Unicorns are the most magical creatures in all the places I have ever been. But when I was thirteen, I still hadn't even caught a glimps of one.

"You promised me a unicorn, Pixie," I said to Leafy Pixie one day as we sailed on the Dawn Treader. "Why haven't I seen one yet?"

"Oh, you haven't?" She sounded Surprized, but I knew she wasn't. "They only show themselve to certain beings, I suppose. Maybe you're just not ready yet."

"But I've been here for seven years!" I wanted to shout, but held my tonge. Instead, I asked, "So one will come when I'm ready?"

The pixie shrugged, her eyes filled with feigned innocence, and fluttered away. It left me feeling confused and conflicted. There was nothing I could do about it, though. Pixies are not exactly known for giving direct answers, and I wanted to meet a unicorn so badly. There's nothing that great on the human side of things, I told myself.

And then something happened. Something I didn't expect. I started high school. Sure, it's the normal thing for children to do, but what did I do that was normal? High school was different, though. It was nothing like the other schools I had gone to. It was bigger, and had more people. Different people. High school offered me a thousand and one new things to learn and do on the human side of things. This place would have to have humans who would let me be with them, who wouldn't mind having me around. Things would change. They would get better, easier.

"I want to go back to stay," I told the pixies.

But the pixies didn't give up that easily. "Life can be easy, but it's not always so easy for children like you. Don't tell us that the hurt will go away, 'cause it's gonna hurt a lot more if you go back to stay."

I didn't want to believe them, so I went back to try it out. High school didn't make my life any easier. And the hurt, it never really went away. I still siffered in all the same ways. The teasing. The rejection. The isolation. But even worse than that was the feeling that I couldn't do anything right. I had lost touch with what was expected on the human side of things. Maybe there is something that hurts worse than feeling alone and useless, but nothing I've ever come in contact with. What I thought to be the truth of the human side of things, it felt like the worst thing in the world. It's not that I didn't find human friends. I did. But it never felt right. They weren't the true friends that I wanted.

So I went back to the pixies. "i'm sorry, "I said. "You were right about everything.

And they were all too eagar to take me back. "Maybe in Faeire you'll find someone true," Flowery Pixie said.

She sounded so confident that I just had to believe her, but it was probably the most ironic thing the pixies ever told me. When I went to Faerie, everything was just as false. Maybe even more false than the humans were. The lies were nice, and they made me feel a whole lot better. But they were still lies, and it wasn't right. Not even for a pixie girl like me.

"I've got to go back. None of this is real!"

"But it's no quiet and beautiful here. There isn't any of that loud music you hate so much. Or cars, or phones, or planes. And look at the moon. Doesn't it look like a crystal? There's no lie in there."

I couldn't agree more with that. It was the most wonderful place for a lonely girl to be. The moon was probably the most beautiful thing there, and it was made of crystal. It wasn't the sort of crystal we think of on the human side of things, though. Maybe there were no lies in that moon, but it scattared bits of reality the way a normal crystal scattars beams of light.

"I don't care anymore. I don't care if it is true. I'm more human than pixie, and you know it. This isn't the way it's supposed to be for humans."

"But you can't go back! Remember the teasing? The rejection? The isolation?"

"I know it's gonna hurt, but that's all a part of being human."

"It's only forever."

"Not gonna work this time. I'm not a little girl anymore."

Not a little girl anymore . . . That's right. We all knew it, but none of us liked it. I didn't belong with them anymore than they belonged in a chemestry class. Leaving was the right thing to do.

Maybe, when I get a bit older, I'll go back. I'll dance in a Faery Circle, learn how to control the weather in Avalon, meet Aslan in Narnia, and have Second Breakfast with Hobbits of the Shire. Right now, though, I've got things to do on the human side of things. I've got books to read, classes to take, places to see, and jobs to do. Grown-up stuff.

It's a strange thing, really, calling the pixie girl a grown-up. I still look like a kid, giggle like, and I love children's books. But a grown-up is what I am now, and there are certain things that grown-ups do.

Even so, no matter what happens, I am going to met that unicorn for real one day.