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Descriptions

by Morgaine


I love writing descriptions so I thought I'd post a few.

She stood tiny against the massive idol the vast crowd had knelt to worship.

Her hair was the color of silver although in truth she was not a day older than sixteen.

She was dressed in a simple white gown of fine taffeta, a bright red stone flashing upon her forehead.Meek and quiet Aisling was usally ignored but standing against the hught stone cow How could she be? Ice blue eyes flashing face set.

Her cry was heard through-out the temple.

"Stop now your foolish worship of this beast of burden but listen to me your Goddesses own prophet"

The astonished crowd fell silent.


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Sun May 22, 2022 9:16 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

She stood tiny against the massive idol the vast crowd had knelt to worship.

Her hair was the color of silver although in truth she was not a day older than sixteen.

She was dressed in a simple white gown of fine taffeta, a bright red stone flashing upon her forehead.Meek and quiet Aisling was usally ignored but standing against the hught stone cow How could she be? Ice blue eyes flashing face set.

Her cry was heard through-out the temple.

"Stop now your foolish worship of this beast of burden but listen to me your Goddesses own prophet"

The astonished crowd fell silent.


Hmm...well this is an interesting piece. Its not often that I've seen something put up as purely an exercise in describing a scene rather than having some sort of bigger piece connected to it, but well let's give it a shot here to see what we have here. On first glance this certainly does seem like a fairly intriguing description, one that makes you quite curious despite it only have a fairly limited amount of actual description happening.

I think you have laid some very interesting groundwork in this particular piece and you can see this appears to have been lifted out of perhaps an established world given how a few things that seem relatively detailed on their own are mentioned somewhat in passing among the sort of central piece.

In terms of judging it as a story there isn't much to go on, but since this doesn't appear to be meant as one anyway, I won't dive too deep in there. As far as descriptions go, this one seems simple and quite effective at what it's trying to do. There's always benefit from going into more detail, but for how short this is, this works pretty well.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Fri Jul 06, 2007 4:07 pm
Firestalker says...



Its really good, but expand it please.




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Thu Mar 24, 2005 10:08 am
Supermal says...



If I have w.b., I often find myself writing random descriptions about anything and everything, and from that I can sometimes develope a story.




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Wed Mar 23, 2005 5:51 am
Elelel wrote a review...



Good Morgaine! It isn't much to critique properly, so I'll comment instead. You did well, it's always good to describe someone as they're doing something to keep the audience interested, which you did to some extent. I'm not sure it was quite enough description to give a reader a really good idea of the person in their mind's eye though. But a great start!




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Thu Mar 17, 2005 8:45 am
DarkerSarah wrote a review...



I have a bit of a problem with a lot of description. It all gets too wordy for me. Description is really important, but you have to make it fluid and not forced.

Your descriptions are okay, I just don't like them all together like that.

Makes me nervous.




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Thu Mar 17, 2005 8:26 am
Morgaine says...



Ohh
i will probaby expand on this soon but not right now as Its in a document i can't reach.
~Morgaine
p.s i will put an actual description on other fiction.




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Wed Mar 16, 2005 11:48 pm
Ego wrote a review...



Well, you didn't give us much to work with..but from what you did give us, it looks pretty good. Certain word choices could be imporved, but that come with time...

Do you plan on writing more on this particular 'description?' or are you going to be writing different ones? If it is the latter, I shal be moving this thread into the 'other fiction' category...




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Wed Mar 16, 2005 6:38 pm
Rei wrote a review...



It's an okay start. If you really let yourself delve into this it could become a decent story. Give more details. There was not nearly enough to create a good image of the person you were talking about. Dascriptive passages, if that's what you're going for, should be at least a few paragraphs long. Also, this is just a person preference, really, but unless you've got a really good reason not to, it is generally a good idea to give a character's name at the beginning, rather than halfway through the paragraph. In this case, it didn't work.




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Wed Mar 16, 2005 4:23 pm
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Lollipop says...



Good. You use your description very well. :D Hee Hee

~Lollipop~





A man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.
— Paul Simon