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16+ Language

tearstains on my sweater

by theromanticchemist


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

we were never meant to be. you take your coffee black and i remember your hands wrapped around a cup when you broke that news. my fingers were frozen vines twined around my own iced vanilla, crushing that stupid plastic, wanting to reach out and ask you what the hell i even meant to you.

remember when you clutched me on our last day together? i held you as you cried, all our near-kisses rushed back to my lips and i wanted to love all your pain away. i wondered how such a strong woman—the one that put her face close to mine and dared me to push her away—could leave tearstains on my sweater.

you were getting over your last love and i wanted to replace her. i wanted to show you my wisteria touch, let you know that i’d always be there. some part of me was convinced you loved me—i chased that potential for an entire summer, no matter the fact that i’d never share an art class with you again. there’d be no second chance for me to kiss you when you pinned me up against the wall.

you left me in the lamplight outside of that cafe. there were tearstains on my sweater, but as you walked away i realized they were my own. 


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16 Reviews

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Reviews: 16

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Mon Jan 13, 2025 4:06 am
Ambrose1234 wrote a review...



hi Chem
I don't even know where to start.

This is very good. I find myself feeling as if I was there. The regret, the pain, the love. It fells familiar to me, yet distant. This poem (at least that's what I think it is) gives me a unique feeling. After reading this, I want to give you a hug and be your friend and tell you that you're gonna be OK. I can sympathize with the want to "love all your pain away." (though it is with one of my friends, not with someone I love romantically.) Anyways, I'm rambling. Love the poem!! Keep writing!!!

-Asriel




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Thu Jan 09, 2025 11:52 pm
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milkweed wrote a review...



hi chem!

first off, i love the way you paint this emotional scene with vivid details. it's like i'm there. the imagery is very solid! it’s incredibly raw and intimate. the image in the beginning is especially strong, and the act of crushing the plastic cup caught my eye. it's very visceral; right away, it’s clear the narrator is grappling with unreciprocated feelings and that pain comes through strongly.

i also love how this explores contrasts: black coffee vs. iced vanilla, strength vs. vulnerability, closeness vs. distance, etc. it highlights the tension between what was and what could have been. that's sooo real. the strongest moments come when you tie the emotional to the physical - like the detail of crushing the plastic cup or the lamplight scene. they anchor me in this almost cinematic memory. that is what i think is the best quality of this poem because it's constant.

i wanted to show you my wisteria touch, let you know that i’d always be there.


wisteria touch! i actually really like that image!

that is def poetic, but it feels a little out of step with the grounded tone of the rest. maybe expand on it or rephrase to tie it more explicitly to the narrative. i feel like it could stand well on its own, but compared to the rest of the lines you've written, i don't see the effect. maybe you could use something tied to the wisteria's fragility, or something nature related. it's very metaphorical when everything else has some tangibility to it, something substantial like that.

you left me in the lamplight outside of that cafe. there were tearstains on my sweater, but as you walked away i realized they were my own.


what a strong way to end! i've always enjoyed these plot twist type endings for poetry because when you read them back, you see the foreshadowing.

i think this ending could lean more into the narrator’s realization though. what do you learn or lose in that moment as the other person walks away? if you loved that person, it should evoke something more than "oh no my sweater!" yknow? that is all i really get from how you've ended this. think about the coolness of the air, the glow of the light, or even the sound of her footsteps fading. those could possibly make this conclusion hit even harder because they're something personal and real to you.

overall, this is very bittersweet and tender! you're great at capturing the messiness of love and falling for people you shouldn't. there is just the right mix of pain and warmth, and it never gets old like some themes do.

best,
chi




theromanticchemist says...


thank you so much! <3




i think. i want to become. something.
— chrysanthemumcentury