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2. The Birthday Party (Conqueror Rising)

by Snoink


Solea knew Alainna's birthday party would be grand, but the ballroom's transformation still surprised her. Draperies like wispy clouds adorned the vaulted ceiling, the polished wood floor and chandeliers gleamed, and tables were stacked with pyramids of food in crystal trays. There were even men—mostly waiters—serving drinks and snacks. When a young waiter smiled and offered her a cheese stick, Solea hardly knew what to do.

A quick look around showed Solea that it was mostly their classmates and their families, though since everyone was so dressed up, Solea felt as if everyone were a stranger. Seeing everyone dressed up in their finest clothes made Solea feel even more self-conscious. While the dress she wore was nice enough for the occasion—she wore a blue chiffon gown that matched her eyes—she also wore bulky leather gloves to hide the marks on her hands.

Still, Solea couldn't find Alainna. It was as if she had completely disappeared. Biting her lip, Solea walked around until she found Alainna hiding underneath a table covered in cream puffs.

Solea blinked. “Alainna! What are you doing down there?”

Alainna glared at her, putting a finger to her lips. “Not so loud! There are men out there!”

“So?” Solea asked, bewildered.

“What if one of them is Diamea?”

Solea stared at Alainna in disbelief. Alainna had always been beautiful, but today she looked stunning. She wore a satin lavender gown embroidered with both silver and gold thread. Jewels adorned her bodice and hair while a diamond tiara topped her head.

“You look fine,” Solea said. “Beautiful, even! If Diamea sees you today, we might actually have a wedding!”

“That's part of the problem!” Alainna snapped, adjusting her tiara. “I'm not ready to marry anyone, and I definitely don't want to marry the first person who asks!”

Solea sighed irritably. “Oh, stop hiding and get up! There is nothing to worry about. Besides, if you don't want to marry just yet, I'm sure Diamea will be patient with you. You're the Lady! He loves you. He won't force you into anything.”

Alainna only scowled more.

Solea bit her lip and shifted nervously. “Listen, I’m sorry for losing my temper at you earlier during Frenzy. It was wrong of me to yell at you. I’m sorry. Here is the homework that you wanted. Consider it a birthday present.”

Solea tried to hand the papers to Alainna, but when she took them out with her bulky gloves, they fluttered to the floor.

Alainna swore and snatched up the papers on the floor, shoving the papers in a purse at her side. “What’s wrong with you? If the headmistress finds out about this, we’ll get in trouble! Besides, why are you wearing those ridiculous things, anyway?”

“You were the one who told me to wear gloves!” Solea said hotly. “So I did!

“When I said that, I didn't mean gardening gloves,” Alainna said. “I meant something pretty for a ball!”

Solea made a face. “I bled through my pretty ones! It was either these or my snow gloves, so I chose these!”

“You're ridiculous!” Alainna snapped.

“At least I'm not hiding under a cream puff table from a bunch of waiters!” Solea shot back.

Alainna glared at Solea, but at least she finally stood up. “Here! You’re supposed to be my handmaid, aren’t you? Go do something useful!”

Solea grew red. “Like what?”

“Go distract Theron!” Alainna said, pointing to Theron, who was sitting by himself, drinking a cup of wine quietly. “He keeps distracting my mother. It's annoying.”

As if to prove Alainna's point, Francine, Alainna’s mother, suddenly stopped by the table and said something to Theron. At her words, Theron’s face lit up.

“See?” Alainna said. “He's distracting her again!”

Solea glared at Alainna. “My father is just talking to your mother because he is her husband! Why shouldn't he talk with her?”

“Because it's my birthday and I want to spend time with my mother without sharing her with him,” Alainna snapped, shoving Solea forward. “Now, tell my mother that I would like her to introduce me to the White Swans.”

Solea might have protested more, but then she noticed a pair of Swans, both in their human forms with silver hair and black feathered cloaks, approaching Theron and Francine.

Archondid and Eurodities—her godparents!

“All right, I'll go!” Solea said, grinning. Then, before Alainna could stop her, she hurried over to her godparents.

***

As soon as Solea was close enough, she laughed and sprang into Eurodities's arms, expecting Eurodities to catch her. Instead, Solea knocked Eurodities off her feet.

“Solea!” Eurodities said, laughing as she lay sprawled out on the floor. “You're supposed to hiss before you strike!” Eurodities tried to get up and then gasped, clutching her shoulder.

“Sorry,” Solea said, scrambling up and extending a gloved hand toward Eurodities. “I thought you would catch me!”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Eurodities said, taking Solea’s hand and standing up. “My shoulder just hurts since that's where a Conqueror stabbed me long ago. Still, maybe you shouldn't do that again. You've grown a lot since I saw you last Celebration! How old are you now? Fourteen?”

Solea grinned. “Almost fifteen!”

“Which means you're a little too old to jump on people,” Francine said, eying Solea’s gloves with disapproval. “Besides, it's not very ladylike.”

Solea blushed and hid her hands behind her back, feeling self-conscious. But before she could respond, Archondid said, “And this is even less ladylike!” Then he picked her up and spun her around like a rag doll.

Solea squealed, laughing. “Stop, stop!” Then, when Archondid set her down, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheeks.

“Watch out, Eurodities will be jealous,” Archondid said, winking at them both. Then he glanced around, grinning. “Does the headmistress look mad?”

“Very,” Theron said, though he smiled. “Fortunately for us, she's terrified of Black Swans and wouldn't dare reproach you.”

“But we weren't even born Black Swans! We started off as White Swans, which is apparent enough. See?” Archondid gestured to his silvery hair. “White Swan hair! And look! I'm still wearing the tunic the Lady made me.” He held out his white tunic, which had silver and gold Swans embroidered on it. “We might have black cloaks and red eyes now, but we still have hearts of healers!”

Theron raised an eyebrow. “Did you eat someone yesterday during Frenzy?”

Archondid winced. “Well, yes, but—”

Theron grinned. “Then you're a Black Swan.”

Eurodities scowled, slumping into a chair next to Francine. “At this point, it wouldn’t surprise me if we never became White Swans again. It’s been thousands of years since that stupid Conqueror bled us and Diamea isn’t hurrying to change us back.”

“Maybe Diamea will change us back this time when he comes to glory,” Archondid said, winking at Eurodities. “After all, this time, we know the Lady!”

Eurodities only rolled her eyes.

Theron stood up and tugged one of Solea’s curls. “Now that you've hugged your godparents, may I have a turn?”

Solea looked at him shyly. “Are you Theron?”

“Of course.”

“Then yes.” Solea stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheeks. Then she turned and curtsied to Francine. “I have a message from the Lady! Alainna wants you to introduce her to the White Swans.”

Francine scowled. “Haven't I done enough for this party? I've organized most of it! Besides, I don't even know most of the White Swans, save for you two and Sergius, and I don't even like Sergius.”

“Thankfully, Sergius is not coming,” Eurodities said, making a face. “From what I've heard, he found someone else to murder, so he's busy doing that instead.”

Solea grew pale.

Archondid glanced at Solea and frowned. “Don't joke about that right now, love.”

“Who's joking?” Eurodities said, glowering. “Sergius is a murderer! Surely that’s not up for debate? He would have happily murdered Solea a couple of years ago, had we not intervened!”

Archondid grimaced. “He was only trying to stop the next Conqueror.”

Eurodities sniffed. “Sergius has never stopped a Conqueror! The only Swan who ever stopped a Conqueror is me! I pushed the first one into a cursed lake until she dissolved — and she deserved it too! But Sergius? He simply murders people.”

Archondid sighed. “Well, let's not talk about Sergius during the Lady’s birthday.”

“Or about dissolving people in cursed lakes,” Theron added, frowning.

Eurodities sighed and turned to Francine. “So would you like us to introduce you and Alainna to the other White Swans?”

Francine smiled. “If you would, I would be most grateful.”

Eurodities nodded. “All right, we can do that. Though there are only six other White Swans coming besides us.”

Francine frowned. “So only eight in total are visiting tonight? I thought there were twelve White Swans!”

Eurodities grimaced. “One of my sisters was destroyed after the Conqueror first killed Diamea, so she won't be coming, of course. And, since Sergius is away and Moira and Tiziano aren't coming, there will only be eight.”

“Why can't Moira and Tiziano come?” Francine asked.

“They don't go to many social functions anymore, especially Tiziano,” Eurodities said. “The Black Swans have a claim against him since he ran away from his apology several thousand years ago. So he can't face them again without facing their justice.”

“I see,” Francine said, frowning.

Archondid turned to Solea and smiled. “Would you like to come with us, Solea? I'm sure my White Swan siblings would love to meet their niece. Besides, if you have any injuries, I'm sure they'll be happy to heal you.” He glanced meaningfully at her gloves.

Solea blushed and hid her hands behind her back, mortified. “Maybe later. Alainna seemed like she wanted some space from me right now.”

Archondid nodded and reached out to squeeze Solea’s shoulder. “Anytime you're ready, we are happy to help.”

Solea blushed more and moved to sit down next to Theron, only to realize Uclepidies — her real father, she thought grimly — was already curled up in it. When he saw her, he lifted his head weakly and nodded to her.

Solea turned bright red.

Uclepidies couldn't say anything, of course. When Eurodities pushed the first Conqueror into the lake and dissolved her, Uclepidies had followed that Conqueror in. And now he was the most pathetic, broken Swan that ever existed. He couldn't talk, he couldn't fly, and when he walked, he could only walk by dragging his broken body across the ground. He could barely raise his head to even nod at Solea! Looking at him, Solea decided it was a miracle that he could have a child in such a broken state. Though, that thought hardly comforted her—even though she was his daughter, he still couldn’t take care of her. At least, not without possessing Theron.

The thought made Solea queasy.

“Here,” Francine said, getting up next to Solea when she saw her staring at Uclepidies. “You can take my spot. I have to leave anyway.”

Solea stepped back to let Francine out, only to realize by the hurt look on her face that her stepmother had intended to hug her and, by stepping back, made it impossible for Francine to reach her.

“I'm sorry,” Solea stammered, stepping forward awkwardly.

“No, it's all right,” Francine said, though she still looked upset. Then, before Solea could say anything more, Francine hurried away, taking Eurodities and Archondid with her.

Solea watched them leave, frustrated. Then, before she could stop herself, she asked, “Does Francine hate me?”

Theron arched his eyebrow. “Why would Francine hate you?”

Solea shrugged. Then, when her father — her human father, she corrected herself bitterly — still watched her sternly, she shrugged again. “When Francine and I first met, back when you were still courting her, she knew me as this happy little girl and she loved me. Then everything changed. And now?”

Solea stopped abruptly.

Theron took a sip of wine. “Francine is very much aware that little girls grow up into women. Both you and Alainna had to grow up quickly, thanks to circumstances beyond your control. She doesn't hate you for that.”

“But—”

“Francine doesn't hate you,” Theron said again, setting down his wine. “She's still getting used to this whole situation. It's hard enough just being a stepmother. But with your sister being the Lady, everything changed. She is still figuring out everything, just like you are.” Then he nodded toward Solea’s hands. “Now, may I change the subject and ask you about your interesting fashion style?”

Solea blushed and held up her gloves, hoping to downplay her injury. “Do you like it? I think it makes a unique fashion statement.”

“Uclepidies says you're bleeding under the gloves,” Theron said, looking unamused. “Though, given that you stink of gardemine, it doesn’t take too much imagination to guess you’re bleeding badly.”

Solea winced. Seeing as Archondid had offered to bring her to a White Swan to be healed, she should have guessed that her injury was obvious enough. Still, hearing it from Theron so clearly mortified her.

When Solea didn’t refute him, Theron grimaced and nodded at her hands. “Well? Let's see the damage!”

Solea reluctantly took off her gloves and held out her hands.

Theron scowled when he saw the marks. “Let me guess. Madam Burl?”

Solea’s face grew red. “How did you know?”

Theron grimaced. “Given that you hid the wound, I guessed that a teacher gave you it. And Madam Burl’s class is the only class you're failing, despite your exceptional knowledge of the language. I assumed you two had a fight. Am I correct?”

“Yes,” Solea muttered, her face growing redder.

Theron sighed, rubbing his head. “Why did Madam Burl attack you?”

“Does it matter?” Solea said, stuffing her hands back in her gloves. “We had a slight misunderstanding, that's all! But everything is fine now.”

Theron frowned. From the looks on his face, she could tell he knew she was lying. But before he could say anything, there was a flurry at the entrance. Suddenly a loud group of men with jet black hair and jet black tunics, wearing black feathered cloaks, came in, laughing and chattering together in the Swan language.

Black Swans.

They had transformed into humans for the occasion and walked in with a strange gait, as if they were competing to see who could walk into the room in the silliest way possible. Behind them, a group of six women, also Black Swans, followed them in a determinedly more solemn walk, which only made the scene even more ridiculous.

Solea blinked at them. “Are they drunk?” Then she frowned. “Can Swans even get drunk?”

“If you give them enough bread,” Theron said, grinning. He pointed. “Look! They’re coming towards us.”

Indeed, five men headed towards their table, laughing riotously with each other. “Voice!” one yelled to them in the Swan language, waving at Theron. “Are you Uclepidies’s Voice?”

“My name is Theron,” he said, giving a stiff bow.

“But you are the Voice, right?” one of the Black Swans asked.

“Where’s Uclepidies?” another one asked.

At the sound, Uclepidies poked up his head.

“Uclepidies!” they cried, laughing.

One of the Black Swans stooped over and tapped something on the table. In response, Uclepidies opened his beak in a silent hiss. But the Black Swan only laughed and scooped Uclepidies in his arms, sitting down with him. He turned to Theron, grinning. “My name is Alonso, though many call me Diplomat or just Dip! It’s been a long time since we could freely speak with our brother, Uclepidies. Your presence is most appreciated.”

“Oh, stop it,” one of the Black Swans said, annoyed. “We all know that Uclepidies was a jerk and that it was a gift from Diamea that he was struck dumb.” Then he nodded to Solea. “My name is Tarygen. Are you the Lady or our niece?”

Solea grew bright red. “Your niece.”

Tarygen's eyebrow raised. “The Lady's handmaid?”

“That's what everyone says,” Solea said, trying to sound cheerful, though she felt her stomach twist.

Tarygen pulled out an envelope and slammed it on the table in front of Solea. “Did you help her write this?”

Solea blinked at the envelope. Then, out of morbid curiosity, she pulled out the letter. In a childish scrawl, Alainna had written:

To whom it may concern:

Since I am inviting you to my party, I only think it’s fair to let you know what sort of gifts I would like so you know what you should get me.

I would like:

- Jewelry (preferably lots of big and valuable diamonds)

- Magical items that are very valuable and rare

- Other fine things fit for the Lady, preferably things with diamonds.

Thank you,

Your mother,

The Lady

Solea blinked, then read it a second time, feeling her face grow red. “I didn’t help her write this. This is very much something that Alainna would do by herself.”

“She didn’t even bother writing my name,” Tarygen said, fuming. “It’s clear the brat just wanted diamonds.”

Alonso glanced at the letter, grinning. “She sent it to all of us Swans about a month ago. The White Swans just ignored it. But we Black Swans decided to give her a joint gift from all of us!”

Solea glanced at Uclepidies, suddenly feeling nervous. “All the Black Swans gave her a gift?”

“Well, all of us except for Uclepidies,” Alonso said, nodding to Uclepidies, who was still in his lap.

Uclepidies tilted up his head curiously at Alonso.

“The fact that we’re giving her any gift at all after that display of impudence is too much for this brat,” Tarygen muttered. “Especially not this gift. It’s too nice, but she won’t appreciate it.”

“Not now, perhaps, but in time she will learn to appreciate it,” Alonso said. “She is the Lady, after all. We mustn’t be mean to her.”

“We’re Black Swans,” a Black Swan said, laughing. “We’re supposed to be mean. That’s why we were created! To bleed people for their sins and to eat the flesh of sinners!”

Solea shuddered at his laugh.

“Ryahn's right,” Tarygen said, crossing his arms. “We were born as Black Swans! Why should we bother playing nice?”

“Because Alainna is the Lady and we mustn’t be mean to her,” Alonso said firmly. He tousled the feathers on the top of Uclepidies’s head. “Did you get the Lady a gift?”

Uclepidies nodded and shook his wings. A parcel wrapped in black velvet cloth fell out.

As soon as Solea saw the gift, she grew red.

Alonso picked up the gift and probed it in his hands. “Interesting. It feels soft. I assume this isn't a diamond?”

Uclepidies shook his head.

“She will be disappointed.” Alonso set the gift down on the table gently.

Solea stared at the gift. Then, hating herself for her curiosity, she picked it up. It was soft and the velvet only made it seem more formless. She looked up at Uclepidies. “Clothes?” she asked, trying to seem uninterested. “She said something about wanting another gown, I think.”

Uclepidies only stared at her.

But before Solea could make another guess, Alainna ran over to their table.

“Hello and welcome!” Alainna said to the Black Swans in the same awful accent that Madam Burl had taught them. “I am the Lady!”

At Alainna’s words, the Black Swans looked at each other in delight. Then, to Solea’s horror, they mimicked Alainna’s accent.

“It is good to meet you, Lady!” Tarygen said, giving her a sweeping bow that was so overdone that Solea thought he would fall over.

“What a lovely party!” Ryahn said in the same accent, giving a similarly absurd bow.

Alonso bowed normally and nodded to the letter that Tarygen had thrown onto the table. “We were just talking about the thoughtful letter you sent to us,” he said, his accent thankfully normal. “It was quite informative.”

Alainna beamed. “I am glad you found it useful.”

Solea grew red. She considered taking Alainna aside and explaining the insult, but then she thought better of it. She glanced at Theron, hoping he might have mercy on her idiotic stepsister and give her the hint somehow, but Theron was studiously observing the floor.

“Of course, your presence is a gift in itself,” Alainna said, curtsying. Then, nodding to the gift on the table, she asked, “Is that for me? Or Solea? I noticed Solea was looking at it, so I was confused, but it is my birthday, and I am the Lady, so maybe I misunderstood something.”

Solea turned bright red. “It’s a gift from Uclepidies to you.”

“Oh, really?” Alainna said in a loud voice, grinning at Solea. “A gift from Uclepidies? To me?” She laughed. “To think, Solea told me that her father never gave gifts. In fact, if I recall correctly, she told me he hadn’t even given anything to her, his own daughter! Yet, he was kind enough to find something for me, the Lady? What an honor!”

All heads snapped towards Solea — including Uclepidies, who stared at her with unblinking red eyes.

If Solea could have melted into the floor, she would have. Frantically, she tried to think of something to say. Perhaps she could claim that she had merely been preparing Alainna for disappointment, just in case. But tears filled her eyes and Solea knew she couldn’t say anything without crying.

At least Alainna wasn’t paying attention to her anymore. Alainna touched the gift and frowned. “It’s very soft. I wonder what it is.”

“My dear Lady,” Alonso said, standing up and shifting Uclepidies in his arms. “Before you open your dear son’s gift, may I suggest opening ours? For I have a feeling that Uclepidies’s gift is priceless and will undoubtedly overshadow our gifts, as fine as they are. And so, may you consider our gifts now, while they may still please you?”

Alainna looked delighted. “I would love to open your gifts! Where are they?”

Ryahn smirked. “We made our sisters bring them in since they’re more responsible. I assume they left them at the gift table.”

“The gift table?” Alainna’s face brightened as she scanned the room. Then she squealed. “I see it!” She hitched up her skirts and ran there as fast as she could.

Alonso laughed, shifting Uclepidies in his arms. “I love her enthusiasm! Look! She even forgot her gift! Solea, can you please grab your father’s gift and bring it to the gift table? I’ll carry your father.”

“I don’t want to be anywhere near Alainna right now,” Solea muttered.

Tarygen laughed. “Of course you do. This will be great.” He took Uclepidies’s gift and threw it to Solea, who caught it in surprise. Then he turned to Alonso, grinning. “Remember the last time someone asked us for gifts?”

Alonso smiled. “Our other niece, the Conqueror. She gave us a wishlist too. A list that also included diamonds.”

“Remember how we watched all the city’s cats for a week and collected all the dismembered rats that the cats had killed and gave them to her?”

“The look on her face when she opened it,” Alonso said, smirking. “It was beautiful.”

“Too bad we didn’t do that again,” Tarygen said with a sigh.

Alonso suddenly laughed, his eyes twinkling. “You can’t do that! Alainna is the Lady, after all. Not a Conqueror!”

“What?” Ryahn yelled in mock surprise. “She’s the Lady? Why didn't anybody tell me?”

The Black Swans laughed.

“Now let's go to the gift table!” Alonso said. “Besides, Encio put a whole bread table just for us Swans right beside it.”

“There's a bread table?” several of the Black Swans asked at once, their eyes growing wide.

“Then what are we waiting for?” Ryahn said. “Let's go, before our sisters eat everything!”

***

Thanks to the Black Swans initially blazing the trail, Solea came close to the table. But they moved too quickly and Solea couldn’t keep up with them.

Still, she could see them at the gift table, laughing and jostling with each other. They seemed to fill the room with their black feathered cloaks and glowing red eyes. Even the six women in black cloaks, who had previously been unamused by their brothers’ antics, were laughing along with them.

Alainna was with them, gazing eagerly at the table full of gifts. There were some smaller gifts that other people gave her, wrapped in paper towards the edge of the table. But it was the gifts in the middle of the table that Alainna eyed eagerly. Those gifts were wrapped in velvet and silk, each of the fabrics richly embroidered and trimmed in lace. These were the Black Swans’ gifts, and as people approached the table, they gasped as they saw the gifts stacked and towering above them.

Solea held her father’s gift and looked grimly at the stack. There would be no dismembered rats in these gifts. Everything about them screamed wealth and finery. After all, Alainna was the Lady. Their mother. The Black Swans wouldn’t dare give her anything that wasn’t made for a queen.

That was when Solea decided she needed to put the gift down and leave. The Black Swans might have given Alainna subpar gifts according to their standards, but Solea did not doubt they had given Alainna something special, and she didn’t want to find out what it was.

And she especially didn’t want to see Alainna open the gift that she held in her hands.

The problem was, Solea couldn’t get to the gift table anymore. The room was too crowded. Nor could she easily run away, since a crowd of people had come from behind her and were pushing her forward so that they could look at the tower of gifts.

Solea swore under her breath, watching as Alainna stood on the gift table. “I am accursed! Diamea has cursed me!”

“Hello all!” Alainna said, accidentally knocking off some of the smaller gifts. “I am the Lady and today is my birthday!”

The entire room exploded in cheers.

Alainna beamed at the room, her face flushed with excitement, and allowed them to continue for a full minute, before waving them off. “The Eleven White Swans are hosting a party for me, and what a wonderful party it’s been! They are the ones who’ve provided for the fine wine that we’ve had so far, so let’s thank the White Swans for everything!”

The crowd roared in approval, looking hopefully around to see any White Swans. But all the White Swans shied from the crowd, so everyone just continued clapping for another minute until Alainna waved them off again.

“Before we eat, the Swans have requested that I open their gifts, so I will do that now!” Alainna said, beaming at the crowd. “Of course, the greatest gift is your presence at my party. However, I would like to thank all of you for your generosity and your gifts. It is much appreciated.”

More cheers. Solea looked around, wondering desperately if she could throw the gift at Alainna's head and escape without anyone noticing.

“I especially want to thank the Black Swans who have come peaceably to celebrate, and have asked me to open their gifts first — gifts which are no doubt treasures!”

At this, the crowd's clapping was more scattered. Black Swans were not normally applauded, especially not so soon after the monthly Frenzy. But the Black Swans cheered and clapped for themselves with such enthusiasm that it warmed the crowd for another long cheer.

“Thus, without any further ado, I will open their gifts!”

There was a commotion near the table. It looked like the Black Swans were arguing amongst themselves about who should be first. Finally, a Black Swan hoisted herself up on the gift table and knelt down in front of Alainna.

“Hail, Lady!” she said so that the entire room could hear. “I am your daughter, Jocieri. Here is my gift to you.” Still kneeling, she handed Alainna a gift wrapped in purple silk with silver stars embroidered on it.

Alainna took the present eagerly and unwrapped it.

Then she froze.

It was a book.

It was at that point when Solea started to smile. It was a nice book with a gold title emblazoned on fine leather. But Alainna was no bookworm.

Alainna looked up from the book, lost for words, and stared at Jocieri, who was still kneeling politely in front of Alainna. After a minute of odd silence, Jocieri looked up. “It is a book about my personal experiences with the Conquerors. Since you are the Lady and will meet a Conqueror someday, I decided it would be good to prepare you for the occasion.”

Alainna opened it and flipped through the pages. “I don’t understand any of it. It’s written in your language, not mine.”

“But you will,” Jocieri said with a gentle smile. “We consulted with your language teacher before we chose our gifts, and she told us you are making excellent progress in our language, especially in the written portion. We have high hopes that you will soon read it with no trouble.”

Solea choked back laughter. The only reason Alainna had such high marks was because Solea did all of her homework. Alainna would barely be literate otherwise.

Alainna closed the book and tried to smile. “Thank you, Jocieri, my daughter, for your kind and thoughtful present.”

Jocieri rose, giving Alainna a polite bow before hopping off the table.

Alonso grabbed his present, hopped onto the table, and knelt to Alainna. “Hail, Lady! I am your son, Alonso. Here is my gift.”

Alainna looked at the present, which was wrapped in black velvet with a golden sun embroidered on it. It was the same size as Jocieri’s present. Slowly, Alainna pulled the velvet covering off. “Another book?” she asked. Then she looked at the tower of presents, which were all approximately the same size, and frowned. “Are they all books?”

“Yes, my Lady.”

Alainna swallowed hard. “Are these books all written in your language?”

“Yes, my Lady.”

“How… thoughtful,” Alainna said, though it was clear she thought the opposite.

“Thank you, my Lady.”

“And thank you, my son, for your kind and thoughtful present,” Alainna said, swallowing hard.

Solea covered her face to hide her laughing.

For the next several minutes, each Black Swan presented their gift to Alainna. Each time Alainna received another book, she became even more flustered. Eleven Black Swans gave her eleven books, all in a language that she couldn't read.

When it came time for Uclepidies’s turn, Alainna was so frazzled that she snapped at him, “Another book?” as a greeting, which took him aback.

Uclepidies shook his head, hopping unsteadily on the table. Then, spreading out his wings, he shook his feathers — and tilted his head, confused.

He forgot he gave me the gift, Solea realized with a start.

Uclepidies looked through his feathers and shook his wings again. Then he gave a quick bow to Alainna and tapped out something on the table to Alonso. Alonso frowned and whispered to his brothers, while Alainna grew redder.

As she watched, Solea realized she could end the fuss by revealing she had the gift. Then Uclepidies could present his gift, Alainna could receive something that wasn’t a book, and everyone could look forward to dinner.

Still, Solea couldn’t help but smile as she watched Alainna’s face grow redder.

Finally, Alonso glanced at the crowd. “Voice? Where’s Uclepidies’s Voice?”

When Theron waved, the crowd shifted aside for him. But instead of coming straight toward the Black Swans, he veered aside and grabbed Solea’s arm, pulling her with him.

“What are you doing?” Theron hissed in her ear.

Solea tried to twist away. “Stop! That hurts!”

“Why didn’t you put the gift on the table like you promised?” Theron asked.

“Because it was too crowded and I couldn’t get there,” Solea said, trying to wiggle away.

“That excuse worked five minutes ago. When you saw him struggling, why didn’t you go up and give it to him?”

“Because I forgot!” Solea tried to hand him the gift. “Here, you take it. I never wanted it anyway!”

“Too late,” Theron said. “You’re going to give it to him.”

They were so close to the table, Solea could see the Black Swans clearly. When they saw the gift in her hands, they laughed.

“It’s here!” Alonso said. “You haven’t lost your mind after all, my dear brother. Your daughter had your gift the entire time.”

Alainna glowered at Solea angrily. “So. It was you.”

Solea blushed and gave her a quick curtsy. “Sorry. I got stuck.” She tried to give the gift to Alonso, but he shook his head and gestured to Uclepidies.

“He’s supposed to give the gift, not me,” Alonso said. “Give it to him.”

Uclepidies watched Solea expectantly.

Solea glanced at Theron furiously before setting the gift in front of Uclepidies. “Here, you can have it!”

“Oh, but Solea,” Alainna said, her voice loud enough for everyone to hear. “You didn’t tell me that this was a family gift. Why don’t you come up here and join Uclepidies?”

Solea stared at Alainna in horror and stepped back, glancing at Theron for help.

Theron cleared his throat. “With all due respect, this is not Solea’s gift to give.”

“Are you speaking on behalf of Uclepidies, Voice?” Alainna asked, glaring at Theron with contempt.

Theron flinched. “No.”

“Then be quiet!” Alainna turned to Solea. “Well? Stand with Uclepidies!”

Gritting her teeth, Solea hoisted herself onto the table next to Uclepidies. At first, she only curtsied, but then a Black Swan hissed, “Kneel!” So she knelt, bowing down her head low so that she could not see Alainna’s face — which, in her opinion, was the only good part about this whole ordeal.

Uclepidies waited for Solea to finish kneeling before he bowed to Alainna and pushed the gift toward her with his beak.

Alainna hesitated before she picked up the gift and probed the contents. “This is not a book.” Then, she tore the ribbons off the velvet bag and pulled out the gift. Everyone gasped.

It was a cloak!

But not just any cloak. It was the oldest, dirtiest, most beat up, weathered cloak that Solea had ever seen. Originally, the cloak might have been white — at least the threads that held it together looked white, anyway. But it had gotten stained so many times that it turned into the color of dirt at its best places and the color of mud at its worst places.

Solea stared at it, shocked. She shot a glance at Uclepidies, but he was still bowed down politely, his eyes closed. For a second, Solea thought the cloak was a mistake — it had to be a mistake! — and Uclepidies had packed the wrong thing. But, as the crowd murmured, and still Uclepidies kept his head down, she realized that the slight was intentional.

Alainna stared in horror at the cloak, then at Uclepidies, who was still bowing to her. Tears welled in her eyes. “This is the gift you gave me? This… thing?”

Uclepidies only nodded. From behind, Solea heard the sniggers of the other Black Swans.

Tears openly fell from Alainna’s face until Solea couldn't help but feel bad. She shifted off her knees so she could glare at Uclepidies. “This must be a bad joke. Isn’t it, Father? You have a better gift for her, right?”

“Keep kneeling, Niece,” Alonso said cheerfully. “Alainna needs to thank Uclepidies for the gift before either of you can get up. It’s the polite thing to do.”

At those words, Alainna snapped. “Polite thing to do?” she asked, her face growing red. “How about not giving horrible gifts to people as a polite thing to do?” She turned to Solea, furious. “And don’t even pretend you’re surprised. You set him up for this, I know it!”

Then Alainna threw the cloak as hard as she could at Uclepidies.

Had Alainna thrown the cloak at another Black Swan, the cloak would have bounced off harmlessly. But she threw it at Uclepidies. And so, the cloak knocked him off his feet, which sent him skittering off the table, which sent him crashing headfirst to the floor.

The smell of Black Swan blood — thick and fetid — filled the room.“Everyone, stand back,” Alonso yelled, while the other Black Swans sat down and covered their faces with their cloaks. “Don’t move,” he ordered Solea and Alainna.

Both Solea and Alainna stared at Uclepidies in horror.

“What were you thinking, doing that to Uclepidies?” Solea finally said, glaring at Alainna. “Or did you want to start a mini Frenzy?”

Alainna paled. “I didn’t mean to—”

“Shut up!”

For a horrible moment, Uclepidies lay on the floor not moving. Then, after a minute, he lifted his head. Only one eye glowed red. The other one oozed blood. He blinked, rubbing his bleeding eye on his back feathers. Then he turned toward Theron.

Theron knelt down to Uclepidies and drew him into his arms. From his pockets, he took out some gardemine and pressed it against Uclepidies’s eye. After a minute, he placed him back on the table and glared at Alainna. “If you please, my Lady. He will give you one more chance to accept your gift.”

“But I don’t want it.”

“It's bad form to reject a gift from a Black Swan,” Alonso added. “They can curse you if you refuse it.”

“But I don’t want it!”

Uclepidies blinked up at Alainna and bowed to her again.

Theron cleared his throat. “Uclepidies has requested speaking with you, using me as his voice, to explain the story behind the cloak.”

“Why?” Alainna asked, her face turning red. “So he can humiliate me further?”

The Black Swans just laughed.

“Frankly, he’s being awfully nice, considering you just attacked him,” Tarygen said. “Most Black Swans would have cursed you by now.”

“It was an accident he fell!” Alainna snapped. “In any case, it’s his fault he gave me such a horrid gift!”

“Uclepidies can give you any gift that he sees fit,” Alonso said firmly. “Including old cloaks.”

Alainna stepped forward and glared at Uclepidies. “Answer me! Is the cloak magical?”

Uclepidies considered this question and shook his head.

“Does it have any special powers?”

Again, he shook his head.

“Is it special in any way?”

Uclepidies hesitated. Again, he looked at Theron.

Theron stepped closer to the table. “Uclepidies requests to speak to you about this gift.” When Alainna hesitated, Theron added, “It’s not as bad as you think. It’s quite precious to him. He gave it to his wife once. She used to wear it all the time.”

As soon as Solea heard those words, she felt as if she had been kicked. The cloak had once belonged to her mother? And Uclepidies was giving it away to Alainna? Even the thought made her dizzy.

Alainna looked at the cloak in disgust. “Uclepidies gave this to his wife?” she asked incredulously. “Solea’s mother?”

“Yes.”

“And she wore this cloak?”

“Yes.”

Alainna wrinkled her nose and looked at the cloak in disgust. “I had heard rumors that your wife went insane at the end, but I didn’t believe it until now. She wore this rag?”

It happened so fast that Solea almost missed it. One moment, Theron looked uneasy. The next, his face became enraged. Then, before Solea could say anything, Theron reached out, grabbed Alainna by the foot, and sent her crashing to the table. In the next moment, he threw her to the floor. As Alainna fell, her tiara shattered, along with all its jewels. Glass shards glittered on the floor and Solea realized with a shock that all the diamonds in the tiara were only made of glass.

Alainna sat up, dazed, her nose bloody and her hair everywhere. She looked around with unfocused eyes. But before she could do anything else, Theron grabbed her by the shoulders and forced her to stand in front of him.

“What do you know of insanity?” he hissed. “What can you possibly know, you sheltered, silly girl? You know nothing of that, just as you know nothing of love, just as you know nothing of anything else! Do you think Diamea will come to you, placate you with jewels, and send you on a pretty romance? You fool! He has come to spill the Conqueror’s blood and take back what is his, or else destroy it all!”

When Alainna’s eyes grew wide, he said, “You think you know of insanity? You know nothing of it, yet. But there will come a day in which you will follow Diamea, against all reason and hope, into insanity and oblivion.”

At that moment, Francine rushed to Alainna’s side. “Please, my lord,” she cried, shielding Alainna with her body. “Let your wrath die down against my daughter! If you must be angry, be angry with me, her mother!”

It was only then that Solea realized Uclepidies had possessed Theron, which was why Theron had suddenly acted so unlike himself.

The White Swans, who had previously been content to hide away, now came out toward Theron with grim faces.

“Don’t hurt him!” Solea cried, slipping off the table and grabbing Theron’s arm. “Uclepidies will stop. Won’t you?”

Uclepidies looked around at the White Swans in disdain. “Be at peace,” he said, shaking off Solea's arm. “They won’t hurt me.” He glanced at Francine and Alainna, still cowering on the floor, then plucked off the cloak on the table and turned to Solea.

“The Lady has rejected my gift. Won’t you take it instead?” He thrust the cloak towards her coldly. “Your mother once wore it.”

Solea stepped back and swallowed, her stomach churning. “I would love to accept your gift.”

“Then kneel and don’t get up until I tell you.”

Solea looked at his face, hard and cold, before looking around the room. The White Swans had stationed themselves a respectful distance away, except for one of them, who went to help Alainna.

But no one moved to help Solea. Instead, they just stared at her curiously.

And why would they help? Solea thought grimly. After all, when Uclepidies threatened Alainna, he was attacking the Lady. But when he threatened Solea, he was only disciplining his child.

“You didn’t make Alainna kneel to you when you gave her the gift,” Solea said, drawing away from him. “You knelt to her instead.”

“Are you the Lady now?” Uclepidies snapped. “Am I your son? Or would you rather I grovel in front of my own daughter?”

“No, but—”

“You are my daughter and I am your father. Show your respect and kneel.”

Solea closed her eyes and took a deep breath. In the background, she heard Alainna blubbering to a White Swan. But there would be no rescue for her. The easiest way out of this situation was to follow orders. And so, feeling very much like a condemned criminal, Solea knelt before Uclepidies, shutting her eyes as tightly as she could.

For a minute, it was quiet. But just as her knees started to buckle, a soft fabric wrapped around her shoulders. She peeked at her father.

“Do you have any questions about your gift?”

The way he asked the question made Solea feel as if she ought to ask something. Taking a deep breath, she asked, “What are the brown marks on the cloak?”

“They are old blood stains from one of its previous owners.”

Solea’s eyes grew wide.

Uclepidies grimaced. “Do you have any other questions?”

The answer was yes, Solea had many more questions. But she also decided that she didn’t want to know anything else about this strange gift. She took another deep breath and shook her head. “Thank you for the gift.” She started to stand.

“Did I ask you to stand?” Uclepidies snapped.

“No.”

“Then kneel!”

Solea dropped back to her knees.

Uclepidies eyed her warily before taking out a small package wrapped in brown paper from Theron's pocket. He tossed it to her. “This belongs with the cloak. Open it.”

Solea caught the package and tore it open. Inside was a dull crystal brooch. The crystal was cloudy, flat, and unremarkable and set in a tarnished lattice frame.

“It is beautiful,” she lied. “Thank you.”

“Touch the crystal.”

She did and almost dropped it.

As soon as she touched the crystal, the brooch turned dark and violent violet. Then, while Solea watched, it shifted into a dark blue until it finally morphed into the night sky, flecks of silver twinkling like the stars.

Solea looked at the crystal in astonishment, then looked back up at her father.

Uclepidies watched her face. “It is part of a feather from Diamea himself when he was still a Swan. When Diamea is alive — and he is alive right now, reborn somewhere as a man — you can touch the crystal and it will show you the colors of his dreams.”

Solea stared at the brooch in wonder. “Thank you, Father.”

This time, she meant it.

“Now rise.”

The White Swans and Black Swans hurried forward to stare at the brooch.

So did Alainna.

“That brooch,” Alainna said. Her face, still bloody from the fall, quivered. “That brooch was meant for me, the Lady, wasn’t it?”

“It belongs with the cloak.” Uclepidies took the brooch from Solea’s hand and used it to pin up the cloak. Then, leaning close to Solea’s ear so that only she could hear him, he whispered, “My child, never doubt my love for you again.” With that, he knelt down before her and kissed her hand.

When he looked up again, his face had transformed from hard and rigid to confused. He sprang away from Solea and looked around, first at Solea, then at Alainna, then at all the Swans surrounding them.

Theron had returned.

He ran a nervous hand through his hair and coughed. “Something big just happened, didn’t it?”

The Black Swans burst into laughter. 


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Thu Jan 09, 2025 8:42 pm
LadyMysterio wrote a review...



Hi snoink! I’m here for chapter two!
Starting off with a nice setting of our scene! WOWZA is this ever an epic party @_@

Draperies like wispy clouds adorned the vaulted ceiling, the polished wood floor and chandeliers gleamed, and tables were stacked with pyramids of food in crystal trays. There were even men—mostly waiters—serving drinks and snacks. When a young waiter smiled and offered her a cheese stick, Solea hardly knew what to do.
Your making me hungry!

This made me laugh!! Sometimes I want to hide under tables, eat food and hide from men too. ALthough, to be fair, I don’t have a “Diamea” out there(Well kinda, just without the creator of the universe bit i suppose)
Alainna glared at her, putting a finger to her lips. “Not so loud! There are men out there!”


I love how this family has so much, how do I put this”family trauma lore??” Anyway, it's funny to me. It's cool to finally see these swans too!!
“They don't go to many social functions anymore, especially Tiziano,” Eurodities said. “The Black Swans have a claim against him since he ran away from his apology several thousand years ago. So he can't face them again without facing their justice.”



This part was a bit confusing for me: “already curled up in it”
Maybe just a re-word, like “was already curled up beside him” Or something along those lines. It tripped my brain up because you said she was going to sit beside Theron, and then you reference what I presume is the chair they are sitting on. Does that make sense?

Solea blushed more and moved to sit down next to Theron, only to realize Uclepidies — her real father, she thought grimly — was already curled up in it.



Whoaa wait, what?? Like possessing his body, or like having Theron in his possession??
At least, not without possessing Theron.


Dun dun dun!!!
Suddenly a loud group of men with jet black hair and jet black tunics, wearing black feathered cloaks, came in, laughing and chattering together in the Swan language.
Black Swans.


To be fair, Alainna kinda brought this on herself and a reality check probably wouldn't hurt.
Solea grew red. She considered taking Alainna aside and explaining the insult, but then she thought better of it. She glanced at Theron, hoping he might have mercy on her idiotic stepsister and give her the hint somehow, but Theron was studiously observing the floor.

This is amazing, I love XD
Alainna swallowed hard. “Are these books all written in your language?”
“Yes, my Lady.”

THANK YOU THERON
It happened so fast that Solea almost missed it. One moment, Theron looked uneasy. The next, his face became enraged. Then, before Solea could say anything, Theron reached out, grabbed Alainna by the foot, and sent her crashing to the table. In the next moment, he threw her to the floor. As Alainna fell, her tiara shattered, along with all its jewels. Glass shards glittered on the floor and Solea realized with a shock that all the diamonds in the tiara were only made of glass.


Oooh okay, I see how. About the possessing bit.
It was only then that Solea realized Uclepidies had possessed Theron, which was why Theron had suddenly acted so unlike himself.

Im gonna cryyy this was sweet
It belongs with the cloak.” Uclepidies took the brooch from Solea’s hand and used it to pin up the cloak. Then, leaning close to Solea’s ear so that only she could hear him, he whispered, “My child, never doubt my love for you again.” With that, he knelt down before her and kissed her hand.



Goodness gracious me! That was quite a whirlwind!! Ahh it was great though, you have me very invested now XD I also kinda wanna try my hand at drawing these swans in their human forms >.> they look cool.

Can’t wait for the next one!!




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Tue Dec 31, 2024 3:24 pm
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Poor Imp wrote a review...



Ahoy again Snoink,

Oy huzzah! I particularly enjoyed this chapter's headlong thrust: You built tension in the beginning and then let it all fall over the cliff into the close (and "The Black Swans burst into laughter" was both a crisp tension-breaker as well as a tension-hinter; Black Swans laughing intimates more than light humor).

A few points:

--I still notice Solea blushing a lot. If it is a constant, perhaps narratively having Solea "think" it's a curse to always be flushed? Even if it is, the dialogue and circumstance often convey the sense of embarrassment -- may not even be necessary to mention it more than once.

--Dialogue drives a lot of the action; or shows it -- to good effect! I'm delighted by it for the most part, and engaged. That said, the dialogue between Solea's godparents (swans) and Theron and Francine dragged a little for me. I think that was for two reasons:

1. It was supplying background
2. It seemed primarily to supply background and set-up information

Whereas if it had

a. Supplied background and
b. Also had some arbitrary filler and odd character quirks for each speaker I would have
c. Believed fully in both the characters and the natural presence of the set up information knocking up against it.

One of my favorite examples of dialogue that both thickens the atmosphere and substance of character and sets up background or world facts is probably Dorothy Sayers, and how Peter Wimsey and various other players interact. Wimsey's silly aristocratic voice c commenting on social layers and characters while simply fits, and is widely intermingled with the meaningless remarks people make because of who they are.

This isn't precisely what I'm looking for, but it's the nearest I can remember (and find) on flipping open the book (I've summarized the action):

Lord Peter Wimsey: This bowtie is a mess.
Bunter: Yes, too perfect. Quite like a made-up affair.
Wimsey pulled off the tie and began to re-tie it.
Bunter: Ah.
Lord Peter Wimsey: Bunter, what does "ah" mean?
Bunter: I have observed, my lord, that on the few occasions when our sangfroid slips, it means we have a rendezvous with Miss Vane.
Lord Peter Wimsey: Bunter, you have a wonderful gift for impudence.
Bunter: Thank you, my lord.
Wimsey finished re-tying
Lord Peter Wimsey: Bunter, how's that?
Bunter: Perfect. That is to say, slightly flawed. The mark of a true gentleman.


I think you do the above with Alainna/ Solea's dialogue. But not with the godparents/parents dialogue. It made picturing them as people rather more difficult.

The chapter seemed to have three sections to me:

Alainna/Solea encounter
Godparents/parents & Solea dialogue
Big Boss Battle/Into the Debacle of Gifts

The two first bits set up the third bit. They work like chair legs. Intuitively, I feel there's a leg missing. But it may be that I can follow the pressure and momentum towards the conclusion, but I don't experience the place or atmosphere clearly. Is there a way either to weave into sections one and two more texture, that is, smell, feeling, sights, sounds? Is the room stifling? Open and too airy despite the crowds? Can you smell the food or the cold from outdoors? What DOES gardemine smell like?

These may or may not be needed per se; but I think they would strengthen what is already a solid structure of storytelling, and give it tangible weight where it already has pace and voice.

...ran myself out of time. I enjoyed it, dear Snoink! All my bravas, etc.

Toodles,

IMP




Snoink says...


Imp!!!! As always, it's fun to read your reviews! :D

I think you do the above with Alainna/ Solea's dialogue. But not with the godparents/parents dialogue. It made picturing them as people rather more difficult.


Hmmm... I almost wonder if this might be a good place to add some descriptions? For example, Francine looks like an older Alainna, which might add an interesting dynamic, because Solea's interactions with her is completely different from her interactions with Alainna, haha.

As for the godparents... hmmm. I'll have to think about that a little. Archondid, in particular, is a very important character throughout the series, and so he needs to be introduced well. >.>

I don't know. I'll have to muse on that a little, I think...

The two first bits set up the third bit. They work like chair legs. Intuitively, I feel there's a leg missing.


Ha! My original chapter layout had this layout! Though... it had its own problems. Mainly, it felt super bloated and the third introduction seemed a little too much so that it took away the action. I might need to think about that too...

Is there a way either to weave into sections one and two more texture, that is, smell, feeling, sights, sounds? Is the room stifling? Open and too airy despite the crowds? Can you smell the food or the cold from outdoors? What DOES gardemine smell like?


Oooo... this is solid. I've been trying to cut down on descriptions because it's a pretty long chapter, but if I can weave this in the narrative well, it would make it so much better.

All right! Lots of things to consider. Thank you very much! :D



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Sun Dec 29, 2024 7:57 pm
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Horisun wrote a review...



I tend to refrain from caps-lock in reviews, but I've been left no choice... THIS WAS AWESOME!!! That ending was an absolute banger, and I love how the swans seem to adhere to fairy-tale logic. I remember the Theron/Uclepidies dynamic from before, and it has to be one of my favorite elements we've been introduced to. It's a mine rich in character drama, and I feel we've merely scratched the surface of it, here!

(Also, Uclepidies line, "My child, never doubt my love for you again." know that my heart melted!)

All in all, this chapter enthralled me. It was very long, but I don't think that in of itself is an issue. I did find, both here in in part one, that we tend to linger on certain interactions for longer than necessary, and often times, pieces of exposition are repeated more than once.

For example, in this interaction,

“Not now, perhaps, but in time she will learn to appreciate it,” Alonso said. “She is the Lady, after all. We mustn’t be mean to her.”

“We’re Black Swans,” a Black Swan said, laughing. “We’re supposed to be mean. That’s why we were created! To bleed people for their sins and to eat the flesh of sinners!”

(...)

“Ryahn's right,” Tarygen said, crossing his arms. “We were born as Black Swans! Why should we bother playing nice?”

“Because Alainna is the Lady and we mustn’t be mean to her,” Alonso said firmly.


The notion "We are black swans and therefore we are cruel," is repeated twice, and "She is the lady so we mustn't be mean to her," is repeated word for word. Though overall this chapter is extremely exciting, some segments drag a tad, and I feel it might have to do with the reader being subjected to the same information repeatedly.

Even if it isn't always done word for word, similar ideas are often expressed in similar ways. Another example, earlier in the chapter, is when we are first face-to-face with Uclepidies,

When he saw her, he lifted his head weakly and nodded to her.

(...)

And now he was the most pathetic, broken Swan that ever existed. He couldn't talk, he couldn't fly, and when he walked, he could only walk by dragging his broken body across the ground. He could barely raise his head to even nod at Solea!


In this segment, we learn that Uclepidies is very weak, and that Solea thinks less of him for it. We learn about his fragility in the first line, and we learn about Solea's opinion in the paragraph. The final line, "He could barely raise his head to even nod at Solea!" theoretically does both, but not in a way that adds any new information. Notice that, if you remove it from the segment, the integrity remains the same, and the reader retains all the key information.

There's this really good quote I like from The Elements of Style. It's rather long, but to paraphrase, "Writing should contain no unnecessary parts for the same reason a machine should have no unnecessary gears. This does not require the writer to avoid all detail, but to ensure that every word tells."

This was one killer chapter two. If you didn't have readers hooked before, you've absolutely captured their attention now. I'm so excited to dive into the next chapter, whenever it may come!

In the meanwhile, keep on writing, and have a great rest of your day! :D




Snoink says...


AHHHH I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT IN ALL CAPS!!! :D

I love how the swans seem to adhere to fairy-tale logic.


Hmmm...what do you mean by fairy tale logic?

The notion "We are black swans and therefore we are cruel," is repeated twice


Ooooooh, good catch! I've streamlined that on my version. ^^

The final line, "He could barely raise his head to even nod at Solea!" theoretically does both, but not in a way that adds any new information.


Hmmm... this might be a good place to add something specific about Uclepidies's particular disability, since that seems to be a point of confusion about how disabled he really is. ^^

Also, Elements of Style reference!!! YES.

Anyway, thank you so much for your review! :D



Horisun says...


No problem!

The swans strongly reminded me of the fairies in the original Sleeping Beauty. There were twelve in total, who came to give gifts to a "special" child. Not only that, but swans themselves appear many times in numerous Fairy Tales, (The Six Swans in particular comes to mind, but I'm sure you can think of more.) They're love of "pranks" also is reminiscent of classic Fairy Tales.



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RavenAkuma wrote a review...



Hello Again, My Friend!

In hindsight, this review is ridiculously long, and I am sorry about that XD

It’s me, Raven, and I’m here to review the next chapter in this great story, using my Familiar method! Let’s dive right in, shall we?

What The Black Eyes See
~ A full analysis and breakdown


WOW!! This chapter was heated! I loved the "gift exchange" and the ending especially! I feel like we caught a glimpse of everybody's true colors in this chapter. Let's get into the details though.

Plot and Pacing: Great! I will say, this chapter is pretty long. I enjoyed all of it as I don't mind longer chapters and don't get bored easily, but I'm not gonna sugar-coat it; I'm a minority in that sense. I feel like the setup to the party and the arrival of the Black Swans could've comfortably been its own chapter, but I digress; it's still well-written, the plot was excellent, the pacing was a bit slow at first but quickly picked up traction as it went, overall very solid.

Descriptions and Setting: Gorgeous! I love how you describe all the gifts, from the wrapping of the books to that final sequence with the brooch. You also have quite a knack for injecting expressions and body language, to really bring out the mood and that chaotic atmosphere. No complaints for setting either; everything was nice and easy to visualize.

Characterization: OH BOY, let's see if I can write this section without bloating it XD

Solea - My gosh, could I empathize with Solea here! In stark contrast to the last chapter, it feels like she was really trying to extend an olive branch for at least a moment here--and Alainna just had to be...well, Alainna. Rejecting the papers, mocking the gloves, taking jabs at Uclepidies and never being gifted anything, trying to humiliate her in front of the Swans--man, Alainna was absolutely vicious in this chapter!

I love that we're able to learn more about both the Swans and these human figures in Solea and Alainna's lives. I was able to empathize with Francine and Theron, and I'm not gonna lie, the Black Swans were incredibly fun with their banter and being passive-aggressive with Alainna the whole time. And the books as gifts had me laughing right alongside Solea!

Uclepidies--what a fascinating character! Not only in aesthetics, but in behavior! The body language toward the beginning makes it seem like he's shrugging off most of everything, but toward the end, the way he chooses to present the gifts--he has that "I don't give a d*mn" attitude when attacking Alainna and making Solea bow, but then expresses that genuine moment of affection toward the end. He feels like such an enigma right now.

Grammar and Wording: I didn't catch any typos or anything of the like! As far as structure and stuff, that's also good--I can't think of anything to recommend. Good work!

Where The Dagger Points
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations


Nothing to put here for now!

Why The Grin Widened
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts


Ooo, things are heating up. I feel like Alainna isn't going to take that shot from Uclepidies lightly, nor Solea receiving her gift, including a brooch from Diamea. Speaking of Diamea, I'm starting to get almost future-antagonist vibes from the way he's discussed, unless I'm just terrible with intuition (sometimes I'm spot-on with theories, sometimes I sound like an idiot, so it's very 50/50 here XD).

Now, reactions for your amusement, and what stuck out the most!

Draperies like wispy clouds adorned the vaulted ceiling, the polished wood floor and chandeliers gleamed, and tables were stacked with pyramids of food in crystal trays.


I enjoyed your description of the ballroom and how dressed-up everything has to be to satisfy Alainna--even though she seeks refuge amongst the pastries for the first half of the chapter, lol.

Solea bit her lip and shifted nervously. “Listen, I’m sorry for losing my temper at you earlier during Frenzy. It was wrong of me to yell at you. I’m sorry. Here is the homework that you wanted. Consider it a birthday present.”


I was honestly surprised to see Solea apologize for the prior night, even complimenting and trying to reassure Alainna. It makes me think that this attempt at a truce has happened before, and it really is just Alainna's inflated ego and attitude messing things up.

Uclepidies had followed that Conqueror in. And now he was the most pathetic, broken Swan that ever existed.


Again, not the angle I would've expected for Uclepidies's character, but cool! This could also at least somewhat explain why being present in Solea's life would've been a challenge. It can't be easy when you're stuck as a lethargic bird, right? >.>

“She's still getting used to this whole situation. It's hard enough just being a stepmother. But with your sister being the Lady, everything changed. She is still figuring out everything, just like you are.”


This line alone tells me a lot about Francine, and made me feel bad for her. I'm wondering if her angle is like...she's trying her best in this awkward position, for both Solea and Alainna, but at the same time, maybe she's also the one feeding Alainna's terrible behaviors?? Or maybe this new gap between Solea and Francine is rubbing off on Alainna?? Man, I feel like there's so much possibility (and tea!) that could be uncovered in this family.

Alonso glanced at the letter, grinning. “She sent it to all of us Swans about a month ago. The White Swans just ignored it. But we Black Swans decided to give her a joint gift from all of us!”


Ngl, after their loud entrance, this line made me a bit nervous XD But at the same time, these guys really made me laugh! I like them already lol.

“To think, Solea told me that her father never gave gifts. In fact, if I recall correctly, she told me he hadn’t even given anything to her, his own daughter! Yet, he was kind enough to find something for me, the Lady? What an honor!”


OH SNAP, this--these feel like fighting words, and it was just about the exact moment where I was hoping a bit of payback would be dished!

“There's a bread table?” several of the Black Swans asked at once, their eyes growing wide.


Lol. That's all, just lol, I love the injections of humor.

“Hello all!” Alainna said, accidentally knocking off some of the smaller gifts. “I am the Lady and today is my birthday!”


This moment really gave off Veruca Salt vibes, and tanked Alainna's charisma even more.

In the next moment, he threw her to the floor. As Alainna fell, her tiara shattered, along with all its jewels. Glass shards glittered on the floor and Solea realized with a shock that all the diamonds in the tiara were only made of glass.


WOW, did not expect retaliation! I mean, you could say an attack was a bit much, but Alainna did start it. I also love how you zone in on the diamonds in her tiara shattering, revealing that they're just glass--fake, like her in a lot of ways. Call me bad, but I won't lie, it was pretty satisfying to read XD

“It belongs with the cloak.” Uclepidies took the brooch from Solea’s hand and used it to pin up the cloak. Then, leaning close to Solea’s ear so that only she could hear him, he whispered, “My child, never doubt my love for you again.”


Aw!! This was such a cute way to close off the chapter! It gives Uclepidies's character more dimension and draws more curiosity to his character. It also makes me doubt that he's been "struck dumb" as someone mentioned, especially the way he presented the gifts. Like he was testing if Alainna would accept the cloak, before revealing what she would really want--a pretty jewel with magic and lore behind it--then using that denial/disrespect as a way to give it to Solea instead.

I also love the contrast, with Theron being confused and the Black Swans bursting out laughing. Again, I am enjoying those guys lol.

Our Mad Thoughts...


Overall, I am loving this story so far! The way it's written is lovely, and the multitude of complex character dynamics has me absolutely hooked. Would love to read more, if you plan to upload it! Nicely done! :D


Thus concludes my review. To leave off, here are some inspiring quotes, courtesy of your resident Poe freak ~

"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."




Snoink says...


Hello again and thank you so much for another review! :D

I will say, this chapter is pretty long. I enjoyed all of it as I don't mind longer chapters and don't get bored easily, but I'm not gonna sugar-coat it; I'm a minority in that sense.


OY. Yes, I agree. The chapter *is* long... over 7k words long. Believe it or not, I trimmed about 4k words from it, so I've actually reduced a bunch of it, but I know it's still very long and it looks monstrous on YWS. o_O

With that said... you said the pacing was a bit slow at first? Where would you say it was slow? Maybe I can look about trimming it even further! ^^

and Alainna just had to be...well, Alainna.


Okay, I laughed so hard at that. XD Then I showed that comment to my niece, who has read the entire series (so she KNOWS Alainna's entire plot arc) and she laughed at it too. XD Alainna is definitely a character. Everybody wants to know if she gets better or worse, and it's like, "Well... yes."

Anyway... XD

Ooo, things are heating up. I feel like Alainna isn't going to take that shot from Uclepidies lightly, nor Solea receiving her gift, including a brooch from Diamea.


Hmmm... it'll be interesting to see what you think of the next chapter, hahaha. Though, Alainna and Uclepidies have a bit of an odd relationship. Uclepidies bought a house for her stepfather and mother to live in, and also he lives there himself. So she can't be completely mean to him, otherwise she'll make her mother homeless. XP So yeah, there's a strange power dynamic there too... I should probably make that clearer. I don't think that comes out strongly enough, and that's kind of important. Otherwise, it would seem reasonable for Alainna to do whatever she could to have her revenge. She certainly isn't one to let go of a grudge easily... >.>

Speaking of Diamea, I'm starting to get almost future-antagonist vibes from the way he's discussed, unless I'm just terrible with intuition


Okay, I'm really curious what you think here, hahaha. Some of the beta readers thus far are convinced that Diamea is evil while some of them are convinced that he's great and everyone else is evil, so I dunno... depends on your perspective, I guess??? What's your particular suspicion right now?

WOW, did not expect retaliation! I mean, you could say an attack was a bit much, but Alainna did start it. I also love how you zone in on the diamonds in her tiara shattering, revealing that they're just glass--fake, like her in a lot of ways. Call me bad, but I won't lie, it was pretty satisfying to read XD


I'm glad you like the symbolism! :)

It also makes me doubt that he's been "struck dumb" as someone mentioned, especially the way he presented the gifts.


Oy! I definitely need to make Uclepidies's disability clearer, probably. He's only able to talk because he's physically possessing Theron to do so. Otherwise, he would be completely unable to speak.

I'll let you know when I post more! ^^;;



RavenAkuma says...


*oop, almost missed these replies sorry XD

With that said... you said the pacing was a bit slow at first? Where would you say it was slow? Maybe I can look about trimming it even further! ^^


The thing is, the more I think about it...I don't think it's that the chapter necessarily needs trimming. But of course, I have the same problem you explained and over-write everything so I'm probably not a good judge for this XD But in my personal opinion, I think this chapter could be split into two separate ones, or perhaps a "Part I" and "Part II" situation? I honestly think everything up to the start of the gift exchange could comfortably be its own chapter, for example. Plus, everybody "loves" a cliffhanger! ;D

But again, that's just me and I am as far from a pro as you can get, so take that advice with a grain of salt lol!

What's your particular suspicion right now?


I'm seriously getting somewhat antagonistic vibes from Diamea! I don't know even know why, that's the weird part...Actually, maybe it's the power dynamic. I'm always sus of people with a lot of power >.>

Oy! I definitely need to make Uclepidies's disability clearer, probably.


Oh, to be clear, I understood that much! I was just talking about that specific phrase. "Struck dumb" made it sound like he can't even think clearly anymore, but I feel like the way he presented the gifts took some clever thinking (unless I'm just overthinking the whole thing--which I tend to do from time to time XD).

And please do, I would love to read more! :D



Snoink says...


But in my personal opinion, I think this chapter could be split into two separate ones, or perhaps a "Part I" and "Part II" situation? I honestly think everything up to the start of the gift exchange could comfortably be its own chapter, for example. Plus, everybody "loves" a cliffhanger! ;D


Hm... I did this when I posted this the first time on YWS, though that was because the chapter was GIGANTIC. I think, if I were to do that, I would want to heighten up the drama even more so that the cliffhanger were even worse. Because like... I like my cliffhangers to be as agonizing as possible. XD

I'm seriously getting somewhat antagonistic vibes from Diamea! I don't know even know why, that's the weird part...Actually, maybe it's the power dynamic. I'm always sus of people with a lot of power >.>


Yeahhhhh... you probably won't like Diamea very much, hahaha. You're in good company though... Spearmint (who's read most of the series) is very much against in the anti-Diamea camp, though she is strangely okay with Diamea reborn? Don't ask... XD

"Struck dumb" made it sound like he can't even think clearly anymore, but I feel like the way he presented the gifts took some clever thinking (unless I'm just overthinking the whole thing--which I tend to do from time to time XD).


Oh! I get it. :) Yeah, being dumb is equivalent to being mute, although yeah... the characters who are mute and can't speak are often viewed as more simple characters because they can't interact much. But that view is usually wrong, haha. Uclepidies is very clever.... sometimes to a fault, haha. :)

Anyway, thank you! :D



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soundofmind wrote a review...



I don’t feel I have enough for an in-depth review but here are my thoughts on these two chapters after finishing them.

- You use the phrase “grew red” at least five or six times in this chapter and the last to describe Solea’s anger and/or embarassment. The phrase itself is fine but the repetition was noticeable and you may want to vary your descriptors a little more!

- This was a pleasant, easy read. The characters were lively and distinct and your strength is in your dialogue. You use descriptions sparingly - helpful, so we’re not bogged down with them, but I did find myself wanting for just a tad bit more to help me fill in some indications with the setting. We have yet to see them outside, so I don’t know what kind of climate they’re in, which is fair, but especially in the first chapter I had to rely on my imagination to conjure up a basic “bedroom” setting. Some of this is writing style and pacing, but I just thought I’d let you know my reader experience.

- I had a hard time being fully invested in the characters until the very end of this chapter. They were likeable enough, but Uclepedies and his reveal finally gave stakes - emotional, relational, material, and potentially plot-bearing stakes that I find very interesting. I like Uclepedies. Is there a reason I missed on why he can’t use his human form? Is it due to his physical disability, or is it a choice? I may find this out later upon reading.

- I enjoyed how much of your foundational world building happens via dialogue and is easily guided by the character’s circumstances so it didn’t feel heavy handed. It also feels very creative, fresh, and new! I like the existence of swans and their little world.

- Great job with characterization. You established personalities and relational dynamics pretty clearly, and overall motives (at least, from Solea’s perspective)

This is all I have for now but as of the last few paragraphs, you have me hooked. Please tag me for any following chapters!




Snoink says...


Yay! Thank you so much for reading this, sound! (Also, getting it out of the Green Room, woooo!)

You use the phrase %u201Cgrew red%u201D at least five or six times in this chapter and the last to describe Solea%u2019s anger and/or embarassment. The phrase itself is fine but the repetition was noticeable and you may want to vary your descriptors a little more!


Oy... I think you were one of the first to mention this, and you are absolutely right. XD I think this is one of the good things about getting reviews... I didn't notice this at all, but now that this has been pointed out (several times no less!) I cannot unsee it, hahaha. Worse, it's e v e r y w h e r e. This series is going to be fun to edit, hahaha. No, but seriously, thanks for pointing that out!

but I did find myself wanting for just a tad bit more to help me fill in some indications with the setting. We have yet to see them outside, so I don%u2019t know what kind of climate they%u2019re in, which is fair, but especially in the first chapter I had to rely on my imagination to conjure up a basic %u201Cbedroom%u201D setting.


Hmmm... this is a good point! They're near the sea, kind of near a city, but in a more quiet district which is more upscale. So they aren't really bothered by the city riffraff at all, but also they're close enough to get nice things because of the industry nearby. So, I should probably start dropping hints about this. Maybe when Solea's closing the window in the first chapter, she can feel the sea breeze coming in. Or her hair can be super frizzy because of the air just wrecking her curls, hahaha. So I can give you at least a sense of where they are like this?

I had a hard time being fully invested in the characters until the very end of this chapter. They were likeable enough, but Uclepedies and his reveal finally gave stakes - emotional, relational, material, and potentially plot-bearing stakes that I find very interesting. I like Uclepedies. Is there a reason I missed on why he can%u2019t use his human form? Is it due to his physical disability, or is it a choice? I may find this out later upon reading.


Ahhhhh Uclepidies is one of my favorite characters! I'm glad you like him. :)

He's too disabled to use his human form... Like, most of his limbs are melted away from the cursed lake. So being a Swan for him is slightly easier than being a human. I think I had a more in depth description of him in another draft, though I changed it. Basically, he kind of keeps what remains of his legs tucked in as a Swan (so he needs to be carried about) and kind of moves with his arms because he still has the upper parts, which are stronger in a Swan anyway, so he can kind of crawl around that way. But yeah, he's very disabled. Later, he does turn into a human and Solea sees him and suddenly it becomes clear to her how badly he is. But as a Swan, he can fold up his wings and tuck under his legs so it's not immediately apparent how bad he is.

I changed it to describe less of him because at first Solea doesn't really want to admit how disabled she is because she just... feels so betrayed and abandoned by him, she is very angry with him and doesn't want to hear any excuses about how he couldn't be there as her father. So she is kind of dismissive about how bad he is, other than essentially insulting him ("most pathetic, broken Swan" etc.). So that's kind of underneath the surface.

But also, it seems like there's honest confusion of how disabled he is, so I probably should clarify that somehow. I'll have to play around with it more. Maybe when Alonso lifts him up, I can describe that he doesn't have the usual Swan flippers. Or, when he falls as a Black Swan after Alainna attacks him, he spreads out his wings, but he only has about half of his wings, with most of them melted off. That way, Solea can still be dismissive and angry about him and describe him in an insulting manner, but there are other descriptors in the narrative to portray how truly disabled he is. >.>

I am a little concerned that Uclepidies was what finally gave you that emotional connection... he doesn't show up in the next chapter other than other characters being mentioned (I need to introduce another important character!) and if the only thing that is drawing you in is Uclepidies... well... this might be problematic. XD

Anyway, thank you so much for your input! I'll let you know when I post other chapters. :)



soundofmind says...


I SHOULD ADD -- I don't know why, but I'm particularly difficult to hook when it comes to investment in stories. This problem could be entirely on my end, so do get other opinions besides mine, lol. I'm also maybe not as much of the target audience when it comes to a teenager MC POV! I still enjoyed it though <3 and like I said, it really is well written! I like your writing style.

I see your dilemma with Uclepidies. What if, in Solea's POV, you made it a bit clearer how disgusted/offended/angry she is, and/or that she simply can't stand to look at Uclepidies too closely? That might help communicate to readers that there may be more going on that Solea simply can't bear/won't take the time to observe without you having to completely rework stuff.

And yes! Hints to the greater setting/surroundings would be lovely <3



Snoink says...


You will have to let me know if/when you tap out! ^^;; That will actually be important for me to know! The series is a bit odd... each book is radically different from each other. Like, the first book is narrated by Solea, who is the youngest narrator of the bunch, and the story is mostly set at school until it isn't. But every other book is different. So like... I am a bit terrified that people might be put off by the school part and not want to give the rest of the series a chance, even though it's very different, if that makes sense. >.>



soundofmind says...


Ah ok I see what you mean! I%u2019ll try to let you know then :)




Perfect kindness acts without thinking of kindness.
— Lao Tse