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Dawnbringer

by KaeRae88


In the mystical land of Eldoria, where the sun kissed the earth with golden rays, there lived a magical bird named Auriel. She was known as the Dawnbringer, for her feathers shone with the light of the first morning sun, and her song had the power to dispel darkness. 

Auriel's realm was a paradise, a haven of peace and beauty, until one fateful day when shadows crept over the land. Demons from the Netherworld had found a way into Eldoria, their hearts set on extinguishing its light and joy. 

As the demons spread their darkness, the land wilted, and despair took root in the hearts of its inhabitants. It was then that Auriel took flight, her resolve as bright as the flames of her plumage. She soared into the sky, a beacon of hope against the encroaching gloom. 

The demons, seeing Auriel's radiance, gathered their forces to snuff out her light. They sent bolts of shadow towards her, but Auriel's song was strong. Each note she sang formed a shield of pure dawn light, repelling the dark magic. 

The battle raged on, the sky alight with the clash of light and darkness. Auriel's courage never wavered; her song never faltered. With a melody that echoed the creation of the world, she summoned the power of the sun itself. 

In a blinding explosion of light, the dawn's power surged through Eldoria, banishing the demons back to their realm. The shadows were lifted, and the land blossomed once more, its colors vibrant and life renewed. 

Auriel's victory was celebrated throughout Eldoria, her name whispered with reverence and love. She had saved her home, not through might, but through the beauty and strength of her song. 

And so, the Dawnbringer's tale was told for generations, a story of a magical bird whose light conquered the deepest darkness, whose melody could fight demons and whose spirit embodied the eternal hope of dawn.


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Tue Jun 11, 2024 4:22 pm
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NoOneInParticular wrote a review...



Heyo! Just dropping by for a quick review. I’m not that great with short story reviews, but I’ll try my best!

First Impressions + What I Liked

Your story is short and sweet, and the plot doesn’t feel overly rushed or dragged out. From what I can tell, the story is about how the magical bird Auriel, the Dawnbringer, fought off the demons invading Eldpria throight the poewr of her song.

Like MAS (the reviewer before me? I hope I got their name right) said, it feels like a poem written in prose form, so your imagery is very descriptive (I realise I say ttis for every poem).

As the demons spread their darkness, the land wilted, and despair took root in the hearts of its inhabitants. It was then that Auriel took flight, her resolve as bright as the flames of her plumage. She soared into the sky, a beacon of hope against the encroaching gloom.


I couldn’t decide on a favourite part, but this paparagraph dwmostrates what I liked about this story. After describing the how the darkness affected the land, you immediately switched the perspective to Auriel, soaring to the sky. No words felt wasted, and the pacing just flowed really well.

Areas for Improvement

I always say I’ll suggest AFIs but when I get down to it I find nothing to improve on. I’m really contemplating changing this section or removing it entirely.

If I had any complaints, it’d be that the clinax felt a bit short? There’s no real struggle. It moght work if this was a poem, but it jsut felt odd with the amount of set-up leading up to it.

Overall Thoughts

A wonderfully written work that was short and sweet. The pacing flowed well, and the imgery was great. I only really have one minor complaint but overall, it doesn’t affect the story much. Great job!

P.S. Topaz seems like a cute little birb.
P.P.S. I just realised, how much of my reviews are just fluff? I probably need to be more concise.

Keep writing, and remember to take breaks when needed! Have a nice day/night/you’re not sure because it’s sunrise or sunset??

Cheers,
Horizon




KaeRae88 says...


Hey! Thanks for the review%u2026 I get what you mean that my plot is quickly resolved. I had actually written it as poem before, so when I was changing the style I didnt think of dragging out the %u201Cfight scene.%u201D But that is actually a good suggestion, I%u2019ll have to go back and edit that. Glad you enjoyed it <:



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Tue Jun 11, 2024 2:42 pm
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MeherazulAzim16 wrote a review...



Hello, Kae!

I'm here to review "Dawnbringer"! It's a short story but it felt/read to me more like a poem (and I liked that!), if that makes sense. Usually when I review a poem, my primary approach is to present my interpretation of the imagery or the narrative, as well as pointing out how feel about the use of certain words, phrases or sentences. That's what I'll do with this work.

She was known as the Dawnbringer, for her feathers shone with the light of the first morning sun, and her song had the power to dispel darkness.


You're efficient with your words in setting up the magical abilities of this mythical creature: Dawbringer's plumage can be blindly bright and her voice can dispel the dark. The last part also sets up her natural enemy: darkness. The shadow demons rightly introduce themselves in the next paragraph.

Demons from the Netherworld had found a way into Eldoria, their hearts set on extinguishing its light and joy.


The demons didn't want to rule or take control of the people. Not directly. They simply wanted to take away Eldoria's light and joy. I found this distinction interesting. It got me thinking. It made sense to me to interpret the demons as something primal... a common but powerful emotion felt by all human beings. Sadness.

Following this logic, what does Auriel represent? I found her to represent a variant. The shine of her wings... it's the effect that pets and poets have on us. Dogs with their woofs, birds with their songs and chirps, musicians with their notes and poets with their words, they bring us dawn. They fight our darkest demons on our behalf and they don't even know it. They bring us light in the only ways they know.

The battle raged on, the sky alight with the clash of light and darkness.


I thought "the sky light" was a nice way of hinting that light was prevailing at this point in the battle.

With a melody that echoed the creation of the world


I don't know why but I liked this sentence a LOT. I felt right. It felt epic.

She had saved her home, not through might, but through the beauty and strength of her song.


This is a satisfying pay-off to the setup of her abilities (light and song) in the first paragraph. Pen is mightier than the sword, it is said. More importantly, there are some foes that the sword cannot defeat. A katana cannot slice through sadness just as diplomatic words cannot fend off a mindless alien assassin. It is appropriate that shadow demons can only be defeated by effulgent feathers and music. It's a simple thing but I liked that the story was about the strength of beauty and music.

That is all! These are just thoughts I had while reading the short story that I wanted to share. Hope you have a good day. And hope you keep on writing!

(Also, Topaz seems awesome! Good day to Topaz as well!)

~ MAS




KaeRae88 says...


Hey! Thank you for the review! Yeah, you%u2019re right I actually started this piece as a poem, but as I was writing my style changed, so I made it a short story. Glad you liked it ^^




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