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The Tears On My Path

by AilahEvelynMae

You made me cry,

and then yelled at me for crying.

What do you want me to do,

to make myself worthy of your attention?


You told me you could love me,

and used that as a reason for me to stay.


What hurts the most,

is the emptiness I feel when

I try to talk to the stars in the sky.

They are the only witnesses of the cruelty

that no one else believes.


The tears on my path will dry,

but my brittle bones still ache

every time I say your name.

And every step I take,

I feel like I might break

from the weight you forced me to carry.


My heart has cried for so long that it feels dry.

Every beat is spacious,

and all I can do is make myself forget.

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5 Reviews

Points: 36
Reviews: 5

Sat Feb 17, 2024 5:57 am
AJW wrote a review...

Hey, I just wanted to say that this is a very carefully written poem. Each word seems placed specifically. Instead of

"You told me you love me."

You wrote..

"You told me you could love me."

And that makes all the difference.

"Their" words were your one reason for enduring this suffering that they cast upon you. And you know you deserve better. Yet no one is there when you are crying out for help.

For that, I am sorry.

But I'm glad you called this your "path." Because paths can diverge.

I do hope that you have a good day.

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5 Reviews

Points: 36
Reviews: 5


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5 Reviews

Points: 19
Reviews: 5

Thu Feb 01, 2024 2:17 pm
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RazzleDazzle wrote a review...

A very relatable and heart-aching poem - well done! I especially like your fourth stanza and how you use the bone imagery to hammer down your message and feelings in the work! I also really love the flow of your poem, it is imperfect and awkward with rhymes sprinkled throughout, which is extremely effective in communicating the core feelings of anguish, confusion, and hurt. Your third stanza about the stars is also very clever - I like how it talks about only the stars seeing because no one else wants to believe, because this ties in to how galaxies and stars seem so eternal and are watching all. The speaker could probably relate to the loneliness of space, as they too are feeling that crushing feeling of being alone. Beautiful poem!

Writing is the geometry of the soul.
— Plato