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two cups

by noone


Two cups on a table, one empty, the other overflowing. What makes of damaged souls, somehow complementary. One, which needs to catch the drops it spills, one which has nothing to fill itself with. One that breaks and builds around itself to fit the other perfectly. One that keeps on pouring onto leaky hallow endings. Exchanging parts and bits and pieces, until both coexist within the same space, no difference in between them. Yet, one forever destined to stay empty, a shallow void of what was once a whole being, whilst the other always just too full to make place for even “nothing”. In the end, one inevitably breaks, as it lacks the strength to hold on to the others weakness.

To love sometimes is a selfish act, as many feel they should to prove potential within themselves. One in need to show they could feel all without fear nor restriction. One to prove they could be the object of such joyful feelings

.In the end, neither make it in this cruel world, as they never truly become the fullest version they aspire for. Their insides too cold, their outsides too hot and the two cups lay now lifeless on the floor, mourning the desires they once had.


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26 Reviews

Points: 700
Reviews: 26

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Mon Nov 20, 2023 12:02 am
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foxtails wrote a review...



ive always found this concept intriguing, two separate juxtaposing entities coming together like this. it serves as a powerful metaphor for the human condition.

i disagree that you should turn this into a poem. although brief, i think youve managed to get a lot across. the cups being complementary, exchanging until they coexist within the same space, is a profound observation on interdependence. there are so many challenges that come with relationships & this showcases it beautifully. yes, its poetic in nature, but i believe its more powerful as a narrative like this.

however, if you do want to expand on it, i see no reason why you shouldnt. something to consider is your imagery though. there are moments where the metaphorical language is very abstract & possibly hard to understand. the narrative could benefit from clarification. if you were to transfer all of that into a poem, that would be where id suggest to be the starting point. everything else after that will fall into place, but first go face to face with the main issue.

something more minor would be pacing. your narrative moves from one idea to another quite quickly & it can be overwhelming. while it may be for conveying a sense of emotional intensity, id suggest to make sure that transitions between ideas are smooth to maintain a coherent storyline.

this was very thought-provoking though. you are a very skilled writer.

envy




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172 Reviews

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Sun Nov 19, 2023 8:03 pm
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Roxanne wrote a review...



Greetings!



Beyond my beloved horizon, I'm setting sail into uncharted pages with an itch for adventure. Through binoculars, I spy with my little eye an intriguing piece of work titled “two cups” that deserves a good review. So without further ado, let’s begin.

I. It all Begins at the Beginning
Very first of all, you have written a rather intriguing piece that conveys a message so powerful and yet so delicate. Your poem explores the human emotions and relationships in a very creative way by metaphorical cups. It's simply lovely to read.

II. Writing Style & Variety
When reading this piece it almost feels as if you had carefully picked out the right words to write this. The metaphor of the two cups, one empty and one overflowing, serves as the perfect portrayal of two damaged souls. And your writing is as the perfect vividly painted picture embodying it all.
Your poetic and metaphorical writing style leaves a suggestion in the next paragraph.

III. The Door To Improvement
After thoroughly reading this a few times I came on the thought that your piece could make a perfect poem, especially with your poetic writing style. You could consider transforming it into a poem or just leave it as it is. Visit this page for some tips on poem writing.
But of course, it is up to you. So if you decide to do the latter, you could consider dividing the first paragraph into two.

These suggestions are offered with the intention of boosting your writing piece's depth and impact, so I hope they are helpful.

IV. All In All
Everything in all and all in everything, it was a genuine pleasure to dive into this. You've written a beautiful piece and with few improvements you could boost the impact of your literature piece.

But before I bid my adieu, allow me to welcome you to the YWS; the world of writers! I hope you'll enjoy dancing around the Green Room and taking part in the challenges. I look forward to reading more from you!

That's it, that's all.
Hoping the review has been of value to you!

With Rose-tinted regards!





Light griefs are loquacious, but the great are dumb.
— Seneca