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Young Writers Society



The Lurking Temptation

by ariah347


Let's keep the talking at a bare minimum; I don't want you to think that I care.

Fingertips caressing hair, goosebumps galore as we weave a tangled affair.

You feel me all around, fair to the touch yet when you look I'm not really there.

See, I take what I want, and I've got my sights set on you, do you feel as I stare?

I'll inflict my wear and tear on your heart with my psychological warfare.

Desperation will have you craving more of my presence just know I do not share.

Call me a saint as I bring you heaven but I'll hold fast to my devil-may-care.

A taboo danced in the spark of flames where our love burns in prayer.

In my chokehold grasp, you can't escape in the distance, the sirens rage and flare

Captivated in me, who you lie beside at night is not worthy to compare.

Do you dare to care for the lurker looking at you, or should you beware?

-

Author's note: This is inspired by the duet books Haunting Adeline / Hunting Adeline and the song Stalker by Stevie Howie. What would a poem be like written from a stalker's perspective who has a twisted definition of love and is obsessed with their subject? 

Reviewers, did this capture that perspective? What would make it better? Did it have an eerie yet intriguing vibe? If you listened to the song/know it or read/know the books, do you see similarities? Thanks for reading! :)


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Tue Apr 02, 2024 6:30 pm
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angelinamar wrote a review...



This poem captures a toxic and controlling relationship in a haunting and powerful way. The speaker's desire for control and their disregard for their partner's feelings is palpable, making the reader feel both drawn in and repulsed at the same time.

The use of the phrase 'bare minimum' in the title sets the tone for the poem, emphasizing the lack of emotion and genuine connection in the relationship. The repetition of 'I don't want you to think that I care' throughout the piece further emphasizes the speaker's detachment and lack of concern for their partner.

The imagery in the poem is vivid and evocative, as the speaker describes the physical and emotional effects of their manipulation and control. Lines like 'fingertips caressing hair' and 'goosebumps galore' create a sense of intimacy, but the reader soon realizes that this supposed intimacy is nothing more than a tool for the speaker to exert their power.

The line 'I take what I want' reveals the speaker's selfish and destructive nature, and the use of 'psychological warfare' adds a sinister twist to the relationship. The word choice throughout the poem adds to the sense of manipulation and danger, as the speaker describes themselves as a 'devil-may-care' figure and likens their behavior to a 'chokehold grasp.'

The final lines of the poem are both haunting and thought-provoking. The speaker challenges their partner to 'dare to care' for the stranger that they are slowly becoming, or to 'beware' of the inevitable damage caused by their toxic ways. This ending leaves the reader with a sense of unease and a desire to know more about the characters involved in this unhealthy dynamic.

Overall, this poem is a skillful and powerful piece that captures the complexities of a toxic relationship. The vivid imagery, thought-provoking language, and haunting tone make for a deeply impactful read. It serves as a cautionary tale about the dangers of manipulation and control in relationships, and a reminder to always be mindful of the power dynamics at play.




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Sun Oct 08, 2023 6:04 pm
envy wrote a review...



for such a short poem, this is very skillfully written.

its evident that the narrator is diving into concepts of desire & possession, but theres a layer of ambiguity. the reader can interpret the poem in many ways. i think if anything that adds richness to what youve written. all of the imagery has more meaning since there are many meanings to be had.

if your intention is to convey the perspective of a stalker though, i think youve done it. however, theres a lot to be considered. my first immediate thought wouldnt be stalker, but i can see it now that i am aware. for example, you could incorporate more elements that specifically allude to stalking behaviors. your metaphors & symbolism would represent this well.

you might want to consider adding elements that hint at consequences or moral implications. typically, humans will feel guilt for bad things they do. you could also consider adding details that describe the way the stalkee feels. id suggest humanizing the poem more in general. that would add more layers.

its crucial to approach this subject with sensitivity & i think youve done that. youve captured the complexity of a relationship like this well.

envy




ariah347 says...


Thank you for the review!!!



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Sun Oct 08, 2023 12:43 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I definitely got creepy/obsessive vibes from this poem. I have not read the books or listened to the song, but I will do so. It feels like the stalker has the worst planned for their victim. The person being watched best be careful, lest they want to face the gleaming eyes of the monster.

I enjoyed reading this poem. I hope that you will have a very amazing and lovely day and night.




vampricone6783 says...


I just listened to the song! This poem fits the vibe of the song. I like it. :>



ariah347 says...


I appreciate you listening to the song! Thank you for the review!!!!




Teach a man to fish, he eats for a day. Don't teach a man to fish, you eat for a day. He's a grown man. Fishing's not that hard.
— Ron Swanson (Parks and Rec)