Young Writers Society

Here is the link for chapter 4. It may also be found in the @MercedesBlue portfolio. Magic: Chapter 4

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well it seems our two casts have met at last. Things didn't go quite as explosively as I thought it might but there have definitely been plenty of seeds sowed for some conflict down the line and it looks set to be quite some chaos here.

Anyway let's get right to it,

“Lexi!” Kassie screamed, breaking into a run to catch up with her dog as she jumped up onto her hind legs again to greet the stranger it had found. “Down, girl!”

The dog turned and reluctantly jumped off the young man. Barking excitedly, Lexi ran up to Kassie and ran in a wild circle about her.

Kassie smiled welcomingly and started toward the stranger. “Hey, sorry about my dog. She’s a little jumpy sometimes.”

The stranger cast the dog an unhappy glance and ran a hand down from his shoulder to his arm to flick the dog’s saliva from himself.

Jed frowned and turned away disgustedly. “And a little too kissy, too,” he muttered, glancing down at a towel lying on the ground beneath the stranger. His eyes rose and moved to a group of trees to the side of the forest.

A teenage boy and girl sat side by side beneath a larger tree. Intense red eyes stared back at him. He cast Kassie an uneasy glance, but she was too absorbed in conversation with the teenager with blue eyes to notice the strange red eyes staring at her.

Kassie laughed easily. “Well, I’m Kassie Edwards,” she introduced herself, flinging her hand out to meet the stranger’s.

The stranger’s eyes dropped curiously to the hand extended out to him. Hesitantly, he took it. His eyes rose to Kassie’s hand. “Brandon.”

Kassie instantly pulled her hand back. “Oh, my gosh! That’s so gross!” she exclaimed, glancing down at her dog, and quickly brushing a hand over her jeans. “You’re so mean, Lexi!”

The dog barked and ran in a playful circle around Kassie’s legs.

“Imagine how I feel,” Brandon muttered, casting the dog a glare.

The boy beneath the tree laughed and attempted to sit up, but the girl beside him grabbed his arm. “Stay…here…” she hissed in an unnaturally tired voice.

The boy frowned and slid his hand out of the girl’s grasp. He stood up, wrapping the cloak around his shoulders tighter around himself.

Jed cast the stranger a glance. He felt Kassie’s elbow jab into his side. He turned, watching as Kassie’s eyes moved across his face reproachfully.

“Go on, be polite. Introduce yourself,” she prompted, casting Jed a glare and nodding toward Brandon and the teenager stepping up to his side.

“Sure,” the stranger with red eyes replied, flashing a handsome smile and shooting his hand forward to meet Jed’s. “Aaron.”

Jed’s eyebrows lifted unstoppably as he stared into the stranger’s bright red eyes. “Uh…Jed,” he mumbled, staring questioningly into the strange eyes fixed to his face.

“And I’m Kassie,” Jed’s cousin piped up, stepping in front of Jed to greet the strange albino kid. “Oh!” she exclaimed as her eyes flashed over the teenager’s face. Her eyes dashed across his long cloak that didn’t quite match with his other modern clothing. “Wow,” she breathed, moving her eyes excitedly back to Aaron’s face.

“Um…Can I have my hand back, now?” Aaron asked, smiling uneasily and attempting to slide his hand out of Kassie’s.

“Oh, uh, yeah! S…sorry,” Kassie mumbled, glancing down at the forest floor to hide the rush of pink seeping unwanted into her face. Her eyes lifted sheepishly to his face again. “I love your costume.”

“Costume?” Aaron repeated dumbly. “What are you talking about?”

“You know, red eyes, cool looking clock. I love the aesthetic,” Kassie commented. Her eyes moved to Jed, staring past her at the other stranger, leaning back against the trunk of the tree. Her eyes were closed, and her head was tilted back slightly.

Jed turned back to Brandon. “Who is she?” he asked, nodding behind him at the other stranger.

“Ashlyn,” Aaron replied, quickly cutting off what Brandon was about to say. “She’s my little sister.”

“Wait…” Kassie began, lifting a hand to her lips. Her eyes moved from the girl to the other two in front of her. “So, are you guys…like…in some kind of cool movie or something?” she asked eagerly, her eyes widening with excitement at the thought of meeting a group of actors.

“Movie?” Aaron repeated, glancing uncertainly across Kassie’s face.

Brandon did not notice. He was too busy wiping his hands off on his shirt. Jed cast him a glance and rolled his eyes as he pulled his hair back into a ponytail again.

“What? Am I some kind of amusement or something now?” Brandon asked as he knelt down to brush off his hands on the grass.

Jed shook his head. “You could come with us and wash your hands I guess since it is our fault you got assaulted,” he suggested, glancing at Kassie.

She nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, how ‘bout it, guys?”

Brandon cast Aaron and Ashlyn a glance.

“Yeah, why not?” Aaron asked, watching as Brandon wiped his hands on the grass again. “Washing your hands might be a little more efficient than just wiping it off on the grass. Besides, the grass probably won’t appreciate it,” he added.

Brandon cast Aaron a glance and picked up his sword lying on the grass beside him.

Kassie’s eyes widened in excitement. “Oh, my gosh! Is that a real weapon?” she asked, running up to Brandon. “Can I hold it?” she asked, lifting her hands out in front of herself.

Brandon frowned and took a protective step back. “No. It’s dangerous.”

Kassie frowned disappointedly and glanced down at her dog, staring up at her pitifully.

“Leave that behind,” Jed demanded, keeping his eyes firmly fixed to Brandon’s face.

Brandon frowned and stared evenly into Jed’s face. “No. I’m keeping it with me.”

“Come on!” Aaron encouraged, stepping up to Brandon and taking the sword from him.

Brandon turned and tried to grab it back.

“Whoa, guys!” Kassie exclaimed, casting Jed a glance. “That thing looks a little dangerous. Maybe you shouldn’t be playing with it like—”

“Give it back!” Brandon exclaimed, shoving Aaron back a pace to take the sword back. He shot Aaron a reprimanding glare and protectively brought the blade against his chest. His eyes returned to Jed. “I appreciate your offer, but—”

“Oh, come on!” Aaron exclaimed, throwing his hands up exasperatedly and stepping up to Brandon.

“We’re hot, tired, and need to know how to get out of here, and I’m not camping out here with mosquitos to eat us alive. We need somewhere to stay. Maybe they know a place.”

Brandon cast his friend a glance and shook his head. “Inside or outside, the sword goes with me. I’m not abandoning it for anything.”

“Fine, if you’re going to be so stubborn about it, I guess you can bring it, just no harming anyone,” Jed replied, casting Brandon a warning glance. “And if you do, I’ll call the police on you. No exceptions.”

Hey Kaia,

So, I am here to leave you an review on Magic part 3.

First of all, I must say I appreciate the little conflict you put in here and the adds of characters personalities, I love your dialogues too and the pacing of your story is not to slow. Great job, Kaia!

“Lexi!” Kassie screamed, breaking into a run to catch up with her dog as she jumped up onto her hind legs again to greet the stranger it had found. “Down, girl!”

The dog turned and reluctantly jumped off the young man. Barking excitedly, Lexi ran up to Kassie and ran in a wild circle about her.

Kassie smiled welcomingly and started toward the stranger. “Hey, sorry about my dog. She’s a little jumpy sometimes.”

The stranger cast the dog an unhappy glance and ran a hand down from his shoulder to his arm to flick the dog’s saliva from himself.

Jed frowned and turned away disgustedly. “And a little too kissy, too,” he muttered, glancing down at a towel lying on the ground beneath the stranger. His eyes rose and moved to a group of trees to the side of the forest.

A teenage boy and girl sat side by side beneath a larger tree. Intense red eyes stared back at him. He cast Kassie an uneasy glance, but she was too absorbed in conversation with the teenager with blue eyes to notice the strange red eyes staring at her.

Kassie laughed easily. “Well, I’m Kassie Edwards,” she introduced herself, flinging her hand out to meet the stranger’s.

The stranger’s eyes dropped curiously to the hand extended out to him. Hesitantly, he took it. His eyes rose to Kassie’s hand. “Brandon.”

Kassie instantly pulled her hand back. “Oh, my gosh! That’s so gross!” she exclaimed, glancing down at her dog, and quickly brushing a hand over her jeans. “You’re so mean, Lexi!”

The dog barked and ran in a playful circle around Kassie’s legs.

“Imagine how I feel,” Brandon muttered, casting the dog a glare.

The boy beneath the tree laughed and attempted to sit up, but the girl beside him grabbed his arm. “Stay…here…” she hissed in an unnaturally tired voice.

The boy frowned and slid his hand out of the girl’s grasp. He stood up, wrapping the cloak around his shoulders tighter around himself.

Jed cast the stranger a glance. He felt Kassie’s elbow jab into his side. He turned, watching as Kassie’s eyes moved across his face reproachfully.

“Go on, be polite. Introduce yourself,” she prompted, casting Jed a glare and nodding toward Brandon and the teenager stepping up to his side.

“Sure,” the stranger with red eyes replied, flashing a handsome smile and shooting his hand forward to meet Jed’s. “Aaron.”

Jed’s eyebrows lifted unstoppably as he stared into the stranger’s bright red eyes. “Uh…Jed,” he mumbled, staring questioningly into the strange eyes fixed to his face.

“And I’m Kassie,” Jed’s cousin piped up, stepping in front of Jed to greet the strange albino kid. “Oh!” she exclaimed as her eyes flashed over the teenager’s face. Her eyes dashed across his long cloak that didn’t quite match with his other modern clothing. “Wow,” she breathed, moving her eyes excitedly back to Aaron’s face.

“Um…Can I have my hand back, now?” Aaron asked, smiling uneasily and attempting to slide his hand out of Kassie’s.

“Oh, uh, yeah! S…sorry,” Kassie mumbled, glancing down at the forest floor to hide the rush of pink seeping unwanted into her face. Her eyes lifted sheepishly to his face again. “I love your costume.”

“Costume?” Aaron repeated dumbly. “What are you talking about?”

“You know, red eyes, cool looking clock. I love the aesthetic,” Kassie commented. Her eyes moved to Jed, staring past her at the other stranger, leaning back against the trunk of the tree. Her eyes were closed, and her head was tilted back slightly.

"Jed’s eyebrows lifted unstoppably as he stared into the stranger’s bright red eyes."

"...hide the rush of pink seeping unwanted into her face."

Jed turned back to Brandon. “Who is she?” he asked, nodding behind him at the other stranger.

“Ashlyn,” Aaron replied, quickly cutting off what Brandon was about to say. “She’s my little sister.”

“Wait…” Kassie began, lifting a hand to her lips. Her eyes moved from the girl to the other two in front of her. “So, are you guys…like…in some kind of cool movie or something?” she asked eagerly, her eyes widening with excitement at the thought of meeting a group of actors.

“Movie?” Aaron repeated, glancing uncertainly across Kassie’s face.

Brandon did not notice. He was too busy wiping his hands off on his shirt. Jed cast him a glance and rolled his eyes as he pulled his hair back into a ponytail again.

“What? Am I some kind of amusement or something now?” Brandon asked as he knelt down to brush off his hands on the grass.

Jed shook his head. “You could come with us and wash your hands I guess since it is our fault you got assaulted,” he suggested, glancing at Kassie.

She nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah, how ‘bout it, guys?”

Brandon cast Aaron and Ashlyn a glance.

“Yeah, why not?” Aaron asked, watching as Brandon wiped his hands on the grass again. “Washing your hands might be a little more efficient than just wiping it off on the grass. Besides, the grass probably won’t appreciate it,” he added.

Brandon cast Aaron a glance and picked up his sword lying on the grass beside him.

Kassie’s eyes widened in excitement. “Oh, my gosh! Is that a real weapon?” she asked, running up to Brandon. “Can I hold it?” she asked, lifting her hands out in front of herself.

Brandon frowned and took a protective step back. “No. It’s dangerous.”

Kassie frowned disappointedly and glanced down at her dog, staring up at her pitifully.

“Leave that behind,” Jed demanded, keeping his eyes firmly fixed to Brandon’s face.

Brandon frowned and stared evenly into Jed’s face. “No. I’m keeping it with me.”

“Come on!” Aaron encouraged, stepping up to Brandon and taking the sword from him.

Brandon turned and tried to grab it back.

“Whoa, guys!” Kassie exclaimed, casting Jed a glance. “That thing looks a little dangerous. Maybe you shouldn’t be playing with it like—”

“Give it back!” Brandon exclaimed, shoving Aaron back a pace to take the sword back. He shot Aaron a reprimanding glare and protectively brought the blade against his chest. His eyes returned to Jed. “I appreciate your offer, but—”

“Oh, come on!” Aaron exclaimed, throwing his hands up exasperatedly and stepping up to Brandon.

“We’re hot, tired, and need to know how to get out of here, and I’m not camping out here with mosquitos to eat us alive. We need somewhere to stay. Maybe they know a place.”

Brandon cast his friend a glance and shook his head. “Inside or outside, the sword goes with me. I’m not abandoning it for anything.”

“Fine, if you’re going to be so stubborn about it, I guess you can bring it, just no harming anyone,” Jed replied, casting Brandon a warning glance. “And if you do, I’ll call the police on you. No exceptions.”