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16+ Language Violence

Hybrids: Chapter 2

by SkyVibes


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

Yagi was stirred awake by the sound of painful groaning. He sat up and listened and then gasped when he realized where the sound was coming from. It was coming from Sako’s room.

Startled, Yagi quickly pushed the blankets off, stood up on his bed, and called Sako’s name finding that the people behind the mirror had pulled the vent back to let them speak again.

“Sako? Sako, are you okay?”

“No…” Sako took a sharp breathe and groaned louder.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know.” He whimpered. “I must have missed my…” He groaned again, “my medicine for too long.”

“Are you sure that’s it? You’ve never done this before.”

“Has to be.” He said quickly before another wave of pain hit him.

“Where does it hurt?”

He groaned again, “Everywhere.”

“Do you want me to call someone?”

His friend groaned loudly and let out a sob. Yagi felt panic in his chest, “Sakuro? Are…are you crying?”

Sako never cried anymore. Not since he met Yagi.

He could hear his friend take a shaky breath, “No…I’m just coughing.”

“Sako, that’s a lie! I can hear you!”

“Then why did…you ask, you damn idiot?!” Sako let out choked cries. “Yagi, help me.”

Panicked, Yagi jumped off his bed and banged on the mirror “I know there are people there! You have to help Sakuro! He needs help! Please!”

He went back to the vent when he saw the hallway light flick on under his door. “They’re coming, Sako. Just hang in there, okay?”

The door opened and three men rushed in, and they all paused mid-step. “What the hell….?” One man said breathed.

“Some get the doctor in here!” Another yelled. “What is that black stuff?”

“Sakuro! What happened?!” The third asked.

They flicked on a light and that’s when Yagi saw it. The closest Yagi could see was the end of Sako’s cot and there were specks of red on the sheet. No, drops were an understatement. Yagi saw them make him sit up on the end and he had blood all over him. He cried in his pain as they helped move him to a sitting position. “No stop! Please, it hurts!” He begged.

“Sakuro! It’s okay!” Yagi shouted out.

Yagi wasn’t sure if he heard him but he coughed more and blood flicked onto the men’s clothes as blood hit the ground. Sako stood up to rush to the bathroom but fell to the ground on his hands and knees and threw up. There was more blood and some kind of black substance than anything else.

He stayed there for a second, breathing hard and coughing as more blood-soaked over his teeth and dripped onto the fllor. The men moved quickly to snap some kind of long metal cuff to Sako's left wrist. Sako tried to get up to keep going to the bathroom but he fell to his side in pain. “Someone…help me.” He begged.

One man knelt next to him, “Let the medicine kick in, Sakuro. We’re going to help you.”

Sako breathed hard and fell unconscious. Yagi stood in shock when he saw the black substance trickle out of Sako’s mouth and form a small puddle on the ground.

Everything went silent and Yagi’s heart dropped to the floor as he saw the men put on his back and checked his pulse. Sako looked like he was dead.

One man looked at him and talked into a walkie-talkie. “Close that damn vent, you idiots!”


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Stickied -- Thu May 18, 2023 3:11 am
SkyVibes says...



Bear with me, readers! I know my chapters are short but they do get a little longer!

Thanks for reading! :D!!

Pictures of Yagi and Sako are on my wall




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Thu May 25, 2023 10:03 pm
Kaia wrote a review...



Hi, Merecedes
I'm here for another review. Let me start with what I really liked...the emotion. You've really built up Yagi and Sakuro to be excellent characters that the reader likes and wants only good things to happen to, but naturally, only bad things happen to them. That's how it is with writers. It's like the reward for being a writer's favorite is excessive suffering. Writers are just cruel, you know. ;)

I have a LOT of refinement suggestions to make. Use what you think would help, and pretend like the rest never existed. ;)

“What’s wrong?”

“I missed my…” He groaned again, “my medicine.”

“Are you sure that’s it? You’ve never done this before.”

“Has to be.”

“Where does it hurt?”

He groaned again, “Everywhere.”

“Do you want me to call someone?”



Here, I feel like using more dialgue tags would be useful. In a few places in that scene I was trying to figure out exactly who was who as you naturally used a lot of references to "he" which could refer to either Yagi or Sako. But I understand. This is only a first draft, so it's natural to have little issues like that. (*thinking about all the errors I need to fix in Rehenowa* You're not alone. ;) )



Sako let out choked cries and Yagi jumped off his bed and banged onto the mirror"


I think here you missed a period and there should be a comma between "cries" and "and"

The door opened and three men rushed in and they all paused midstep.


Here there should be a comma between "in" and "and."

They flicked on a light and that’s when Yagi saw it. The closest Yagi could see was the end of Sako’s cot *add comma here* and there were specks of red on the sheet. Yagi saw them make him sit up on the end *add comma here* and he had blood all over him. He cried in his pain as they helped move him to a sitting position. “No stop! Please, it hurts!” He begged.*don't capitalize "he"*

I put a few edits in that scene. But aside from that, WOW! The description is good. And it leads the reader into wondering, what exactly is going on. Why is Sako all bloody when all he did was miss his medication?

Overall, stellar second chapter. Gonna check out the next few when I get a chance. (I'm a slow reader, I know, but I try to spend time on the reviews, so they end up helpful)

Also, one more tidbit...Maybe add a little more character description? Like, remind the reader what the character looks like from time to time just so they don't forget. ;)

Please don't take my comments to mean this is a bad chapter. I see it as a great start to something phenomenal. Keep up the great work! *Thumbs up*
-Kaia




Kaia says...


Wahoo! The quoting worked!



SkyVibes says...


Hi Kaia!
yes and unfortunately our characters can't do anything but go along for the ride mwhahaha

Yes several have mentioned how they would like to have more description . Which, I don't blame them. i want more description as well lol.

Thank you for the review!

And yay! I'm glad the quoting worked!!

-Mercedes :D



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Sat May 20, 2023 9:20 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



Nooo… hopefully Sako isn’t really dead. That would be sad if he was. Then Yagi would have to escape…alone. Maybe Sako isn’t dead, but is transforming into his full demon/angel form. Or has he been poisoned by a doctor? Maybe Sako is sick from a virus. A magical virus that only affects hybrids, perhaps. If Sako is truly dead, then Yagi must try and keep him in his memory.

I wish you a marvelous day/night.




SkyVibes says...


Heya! Thank you for the review!

I guess you'll have to keep reading to figure out mwhahaha lol

-Mercedes



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Sat May 20, 2023 10:34 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this chapter really kicks things up a notch and a half there. I wasn't expecting things to get quite this intense quite this fast, but that one really took off there and I am loving it so far. This definitely does a lot to get us hooked if everything up to this point didn't manage to do so.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Sako woke him up with his groaning. It sounded like he was in pain.

Startled, Yagi stood up on his bed and called Sako’s name. They had pulled the vent back to let them speak again earlier that day.

“Sako? Sako, are you okay?”

“No…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I missed my…” He groaned again, “my medicine.”

“Are you sure that’s it? You’ve never done this before.”

“Has to be.”

“Where does it hurt?”


Well this is quite the start here. Looks like immediately we're diving into a bit of a panicked moment there in terms of what's happening especially given it seems to be the first time that something like tis has happened. I wonder if this is going to be some sort of side effect of the earlier chapter or if there's simply something new and dangerous to deal with here.

He groaned again, “Everywhere.”

“Do you want me to call someone?”

He groaned loudly and actually let out a sob. Yagi felt panic in his chest, “Sakuro, are you crying?”

He never cried anymore. Not since he met Yagi.

“No…I’m just coughing.”

“Sako, that’s a lie! I can hear you!”

“Then why did…you ask, you damn idiot?!” Sako let out choked cries and Yagi jumped off his bed and banged onto the mirror “I know there are people there! You have to help Sakuro! He needs help!”


Well that definitely doesn't look good in the slightest. I suppose Sako can't have been too terribly effected by yesterday given Yagi was the one doing everything so it is very likely we're about to deal with something new and scary. Let's hope this isn't going to end up being too serious although I have a feeling this one is going to be a bit serious.

He went back to the vent when he saw a light flick on under his door. “They’re coming, Sako. Just hang in there, okay?”

The door opened and three men rushed in and they all paused midstep. “What the hell….?” One man said.

“Some get the doctor in here!” Another yelled. “What is that black stuff?”

“Sakuro! What happened?!” The third asked

They flicked on a light and that’s when Yagi saw it. The closest Yagi could see was the end of Sako’s cot and there were specks of red on the sheet. Yagi saw them make him sit up on the end and he had blood all over him. He cried in his pain as they helped move him to a sitting position. “No stop! Please, it hurts!” He begged.


Oh dear well clearly the doctors also appear to be pretty panicked there so either they are all great actors or we're dealing with something that is just as sudden and dangerous as it appears. Blood appearing there is also definitely only making everything seem that much more dangerous here. Let's see where this takes us.

“Sakuro! It’s okay!” Yagi shouted out.

Yagi wasn’t sure if he heard him but he coughed more and blood flicked onto the men’s clothes as blood hit the ground. Sako stood up to rush to the bathroom but fell to the ground on his hands and knees and threw up. There was more blood and some kind of black substance than anything else.

He stayed there for a second, breathing hard and coughing. The men moved quickly to snap some kind of long metal cuff to Sako's left wrist. Sako tried to get up to keep going to the bathroom but he fell to his side in pain.

Sako breathed hard and fell unconscious. Yagi stood in shock when he saw the black substance trickle out of Sako’s mouth.

Everything went silent and Yagi’s heart dropped to the floor. Sako looked like he was dead.


Oh dear...well that was quite the dramatic finish. I think that more than makes up for a bit of a more sedate end to that first chapter because this one just reaches an entirely different level there. Mysterious black substances are rarely a good sign and this one here seems especially bad, especially when considering exactly what position it has left Sako in at the moment.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think we've got ourselves a pretty solid piece here. Just a lovely powerful moment to really stir things up. This feels almost like it could just be added to that first chapter honestly as a quick cliffhanger because of how short it is, but it works wonderfully as a second chapter too and well while I don't have too much more to say on this one I am very much going to be looking at that third chapter.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




SkyVibes says...


Heya! Thank you for the review!

My chapters are definitely short which does kill my coin points for publishing *pain*
but I'm glad you liked it! :D

-Mercedes



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Thu May 18, 2023 1:35 pm
MerleBlackbird wrote a review...



Oh my gosh, I love this! I might have finally found something on here that really grabs my interest? Of course this is chapter 2, but just watch I'm fixing to head right over to chapter one in a minute here. As far as this review goes, I guess I have a lot of questions - not that any of these should really be answered because I haven't even read the first chapter yet and I'm really just jumping in. Also, there are, of course, some things that the reader needs to wait to find out and I understand that hahaha. But what in the world is going on?!? The names sound Japanese to me ( pardon my possibly ignorant self) and there's definitely something supernatural/fantastical going on here. I love the creepy vibes, and this story seems right up my alley.

I did say I was going to get to the review part: great writing, and intriguing premise, and a tone that appeals to my tastes just right. If I was going to suggest any changes / improvements, I would suggest trying to spend a little more time on description of both action and setting. You have a very striking set up here, but I really want you to paint a picture in my head - both with respect to what is happening and what the characters see! Overall, amazing job and I'll be headed to chapter 1 now hahaha :-)




SkyVibes says...


I'm so glad you're liking the book so far!
The names are referenced to Japanese!

Yeah...description and comma usage is something I really need to build up on as a writer. Thank you for pointing that out! I will try to do better on description! :D




Thou call'dst me a dog before thou hadst cause. But, since I am a dog, beware my fangs.
— Shylock, The Merchant of Venice