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Model on a Magazine Chapter 9

by KaiaJersaga


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

***This chapter may contain any of the following: image based sexual abuse, violence, and/or self-harm at a 16+ level. Read at your risk. Chapters labeled with M are particularly intense.

Chapter 9 Don't Go

 A weak light greeted Jed’s eyes from the corner of the room. His eyes navigated along the hard floor to a wadded pile of patterned fabric lying below the bed. His gaze lifted from the fabric to the crash survivor. Thin sheets lay tightly twisted about his chest and legs, strongly outlining his attractive form. His glittery thumb ring caught the light and centered Jed’s attention on the seventeen-year-old’s forehead where his fingers rested.

     Zybryn. The name shot through Jed’s mind as his eyes traced the crash survivor. The bandage had been removed from the seventeen-year-old’s forehead, but his hand beneath the purple streak in his hair hid what lay beneath.

     Slowly, the model’s gaze lifted, and Jed stared into the pre-tty Asian eyes that still haunted his memory. The survivor’s dark eyes moved timidly over Jed’s face as he lifted his other hand to his forehead. He frowned and turned away, pressing his hands into his forehead again.

     Jed stopped beside the bed, carefully avoiding the pile of fabric on the floor. His eyes lifted to the seventeen-year-old’s unrealistically doll-perfect face lifted slightly toward the ceiling. “So, apparently, you have my number. Where’d you get it?” he asked slightly more sharply than he had intended.

     The crash survivor frowned and lowered his hand from his forehead. His gaze moved to Jed’s face, and he nervously clasped a hand over his shoulder, moving his eyes fearfully across Jed’s face.

     Jed bit his lip and turned away. His gaze moved to the table beside the hospital bed. A shiny silver chain rested on it between two simple silver earrings and a diamond stud.

     Jed frowned and returned his gaze to the crash survivor. “Look, I didn’t mean that to sound so accusatory, okay? I don’t know anything about you, so finding out that you know my number is a little disconcerting to me. Can you just tell me who told you?”

     The survivor exhaled uneasily and nervously tightened his grasp on his shoulder. His timid brown eyes moved slowly across Jed’s face, and he silently shifted closer to the other side of the hospital bed. Jed sighed and glanced back at the jewelry on the table beside the bed.

     The door suddenly opened without response from either Jed or the hospitalized survivor, and Lakisha stepped into the room carrying a full grocery bag. Jed glanced down at the floor, uncertain of what to say.

     Lakisha strode up to the bed, ignoring Jed as if he were a part of the wall behind her and placed herself in front of him. “Mom called me again today. Dad’s not doing well,” she began in a rushed tone as she set the grocery bag down on the edge of the bed and hastily untied it.

     The survivor frowned and pulled himself into a sitting po-sition against the wall behind him, keeping his arms crossed a little below his shoulders to prevent the blanket around him from sliding off his chest. His pretty Asian eyes watched as the woman untied the bag and left it open on the bed.

     She cast her brother a glance and leaned down to pick up his hospital clothes from the floor. “His fever went up again, and the doctor doesn’t know why,” she continued as she toss-ed the fabric on the table beside the survivor’s jewelry.

     The teenager’s frown deepened as he lowered a hand from his shoulder and reached out to the bag. His eyes lifted from the clothes within it to Jed’s face as he pulled out a shirt and laid it beside himself.

     Lakisha turned back to face her brother. “I called Mikel and asked him to take you home. He’s running a few errands in Iver, but he should be here in forty minutes to pick you up. Just send him a quick text to remind him, okay?”

     The survivor’s eyes shot up from the shirt to Lakisha’s face. “What…” His soft, lightly accented words trailed off as Lakisha glanced into the bag the survivor had been examining.

     Her sharp eyes lifted. “I can’t do it, Zy. I’ve got to get over to Pinesborgh as soon as possible and taking you home would add an extra hour to my commute.” Her gaze lowered to the bag the crash survivor had been going through. “These are the clothes you asked for. I should be back by tomorrow so if there’s anything you need at that point in time, I can get it for you, but I’ve got to go now.”

     The survivor’s panicked eyes lifted to Lakisha’s face. His hand shot up from his shoulder to her arm, letting the blanket fall freely from his otherwise bare chest.

     Lakisha frowned and turned hastily back to her brother. “Look, I know you’d rather have me take you home, but I’m running out of time. Dad is not doing well, and Mom needs me over there, okay? You need to understand and suck it up. You’ll be in the car with Mikel for only half an hour—twenty minutes the way he drives. You can survive it.”

     A tear ran down the side of the survivor’s face and dripped off his chin to his bare chest. He swallowed uneasily and star-ed up at his sister pleadingly.

     Lakisha sighed and placed a hand on her brother’s bare shoulder. “You can do this, okay? But I have to go, now.” She lifted her hand from the seventeen-year-old’s shoulder and pulled the survivor’s hand from her arm. “Tell him if he insists on payment that I’ll pay him when I next visit you, okay?”

     The seventeen-year-old’s gaze dropped to the floor, and he wiped the back of his hand over the side of his face. He nodded nearly imperceptibly and pulled the sheet back up to his shoulders.

      Lakisha turned, and her gaze met Jed’s. She flashed a quick smile and pulled open the door. It shut with a loud clang behind her. 


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34 Reviews

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Wed Aug 02, 2023 2:13 pm
ariah347 wrote a review...



This excerpt presents an emotionally charged scene with complex relationships and internal struggles. The focus is on the crash survivor, Zybryn, and his interaction with Jed and his sister, Lakisha. I love these names!

As I read, I notice the vivid descriptions that bring the characters to life. Zybryn's appearance is particularly captivating, and I can feel Jed's gaze lingering on him, drawn to his attractive form and the mysterious bandage on his forehead. There's a sense of intrigue surrounding Zybryn, and I wonder about the significance of his presence in the story.

The dialogue between the characters adds depth to the scene, revealing their emotions and conflicts. Lakisha's hurried and concerned tone showcases her responsibilities as a sister, torn between caring for her brother and attending to her father's health. I sense her frustration and desperation, even as she tries to reassure Zybryn about getting home safely.

Zybryn's vulnerability is evident as he struggles with his emotions, silently pleading with his sister not to leave him. His tearful reaction to her departure tugs at your heartstrings, making you empathize with his situation.

Throughout the passage, I was drawn into the characters' relationships and the underlying tension in their interactions. The writing style flows smoothly, and the vivid imagery allows you to visualize the characters' setting and emotions.

As I read this excerpt, I find yourself curious to know more about the missing chapters and how the story got to this chapter. The emotional complexity of the characters and the relationships they share make this excerpt compelling and intriguing, leaving me eager to delve deeper into the narrative. Good job!




KaiaJersaga says...


Hi, ariah!

Thank you so much for taking the time to review this piece! This really makes my day. I am currently in the process of rewriting I Knew so there are a few missing chapters. But I have to say, you really haven't missed much. :)

To fill in the details that will be mentioned in the previous chapters, Jed lives alone and is great friends with his cousin, Kassie. A few weeks ago, he mistakenly received a fashion magazine from a company called Affluance. He met Zybryn in a car accident and just realized that he recognizes Zybryn's face from that magazine. Now, he's getting more curious about this guy. Also, Kassie is the daughter of the local sheriff, Sheriff Edwards.

And I think that's all you need to know about what happened in the previous scenes, so if you would like, you can read on from here, keeping that information in mind. (I, of course would love that!!) But if you fear getting too confused, I understand. ;)

Again, thank you for your review and kind words! Much appreciated!!
-Kaia



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Fri Jun 23, 2023 10:16 am
MerleBlackbird wrote a review...



Apparently Mikel is forgetful hahaha And Lakisha is officially my favorite character. This girl got it TAHGETHER. She has her kid, her mom, her dad, her brother(?) all to look after, and she has this situation down and HANDLED. She's never lost it, she's never panicked, never flustered. She just tells people what needs to be done and PERIODT. Meanwhile, Zybryn is gonna sit there and shed a tear. BOY! KNOW YOU'RE NOT!! *slap, slap* AND HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW?? *slap, slap*

Also, seriously, there is such a thing as CLOTHES. Not everyone wants to see all that O_O

Lakisha is built different. That's just the way it is.

Oooof Jed is not thinking (or looking) very straight right now.

Actually, this was a very good chapter. There were a few funky phrasings, but nothing to sweat over. Yes, I do read your replies to my reviews, but usually at a time too early in the morning to type a response...did you need one? Hehehe And yes, I know you're revising and all that - but these chapters are still HERE like they're asking to be reviewed so reviews might just continue to appear. (You didn't REALLY think you'd gotten rid of me, did you? Ahhahahahawaahhahaha) Okay, I will be quiet for now. XD




KaiaJersaga says...


Okay, yeh. I didn't get this. Turns out there's ANOTHER review by somebody else that I never got notified about. Really sorry about this...(even tho it isn't my fault)

Ha ha. Lakisha has YOUR myersbriggs. Not a surprise at all that she'd be your fav. ;)

*Covers ears and looks away with a guilty smile* Ahhhaaaahhaaa *half scream and half nervous laugh* Can I just say that this chapter is going bye-bye as soon as soon as I can get it down?? (And never EVER reappearing.)

Oh heh, I didn't know that. I thought you be ignoring me and was wondering why. Just wanted to know that texting out all this wasnt going to waste.



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Sun Jun 11, 2023 9:17 am
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DreamyAlice wrote a review...



Hey there, Alice here to give a review!

My THOUGHTS

This chapter flew by real quick, it seemed like a short chapter compared to other ones. Let's get into it:

His glittery thumb ring caught the light and centered Jed’s attention on the seventeen-year-old’s forehead where his fingers rested

What a perfect way to have your reader's attention, your sensory details are always amazing!

Jed frowned and returned his gaze to the crash survivor. “Look, I didn’t mean that to sound so accusatory, okay? I don’t know anything about you, so finding out that you know my number is a little disconcerting to me. Can you just tell me who told you?”

Haha our perfectly casual Jed, asking a very direct question and then covering it up lol Your dialogue fits the characters perfectly.

“You can do this, okay? But I have to go, now.” She lifted her hand from the seventeen-year-old’s shoulder and pulled the survivor’s hand from her arm. “Tell him if he insists on payment that I’ll pay him when I next visit you, okay?”

Ok so now I am interested in who this Mikel is, and why Zybryn is so reluctant in being with him for the car ride.

Lakisha turned, and her gaze met Jed’s. She flashed a quick smile and pulled open the door. It shut with a loud clang behind her.

Jed must have been like...I am not even here, I am just a hAlLuCiNaTiOn xDD she didn't even communicate with him!

And a little question:

Slowly, the model’s gaze lifted, and Jed stared into the pre-tty Asian eyes

Is pre-tty, coincidental, or purposefully written this way?
An interesting chapter would love to see a conversation sparkle between Jed and Zybryn.

Keep Writing👍
-ALICE^-^
Image




KaiaJersaga says...


Aw, thanks for the review! I actually totally forgot about that little scene where Jed asks that direct question and then has to try to cover it up. That's kind of funny, looking back on it now.

Ah, the hyphens!! That is an accident. I'm gonna have to go back and fix that. I got I Knew officially printed this February. (Pics of it are in my club called The Purple Flame Fanclub, the one with a picture of a flower) When I got it printed, I needed to add hyphens to break up longer words so that it wouldn't look quirky when I printed it in book format. I never went back and got rid of them. Oops! I'll have to go back and fix that. Thanks for pointing that out!
-Kaia
P.S. I am entirely unpublished. Nowhere can you find this book for sale. ;) Anyone can get their book printed up like mine if you pay for it. You don't have to be published. Strongly recommend for those who are interested. :)




Besides, if you want perfection, write a haiku. Anything longer is bound to have some passages that don't work as well as they might.
— Philip Pullman