Hi!!
This: was a great poem. You packed so many emotions in a few sentences which does two things:
-It impacts us much more but
-It is also a bit confusing at times.
I think you did great in encapsulating your own feelings. This is the goal of a poem so congratulations. It was also really pretty (the words you chose seem like the good ones, you couldnt have been more precise). But you also have to communicate your feelings to us readers. I love when things are specific but you could have made your descriptions a little less heavy. I think you also would need to work on your punctuation to help with taking in the informations.
Overall I liked the lexical fields of color, and the scene set from night to morning. I liked the second to last line, though I'd say I'm a bit disappointed with the last line, as it seems disconnected from the rest of the poem.
Congratulations this is a really good one!
Points: 1976
Reviews: 18
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