Young Writers Society

Keep in mind, this is my first time reading any of these, so feel free to dismiss all of my criticisms, let me know if anything I say was actually intentional.

As I read this story, I found the plot to be fascinating, with plenty of magical elements that kept me interested. The characters all had distinct personalities that added depth to the story, which I appreciated. However, I did find some parts of the story to be confusing and could have used better organization and clarity. For example, there were sudden shifts in perspective from Mochii to Morgan and back to Mochii that made it hard to keep track of who was speaking. Additionally, I would have liked more descriptive language to help me visualize the magical world and the characters' actions.

Overall, I think this story has the potential to be a captivating read. Great job!

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was a lovely chapter yet again. ONce again we have more of that faster paced action that's just throwing quite a few problems at us. I think it works well here as its all building on the previous two chapters and now its ended on another powerful cliffhanger.

Anyway let's get right to it,

"What?!" asked Cheyenne in confusion. "Who is going to do it? You?" She started walking towards the door very quickly, and said: "Come on, Mochii, Froggie."

"Nah." I said. "I would rather stay here with Sam and Morgan." I pointed at the two wizards staring at Cheyenne calmly. "We won't take your magic." said Morgan, who had dark black hair and was very pale. "That's Toren the torturer." said Sam who had dark brown hair and green eyes.

"Who is Toren the torturer?" asked Cheyenne, and I could tell she was a bit nervous. She stared back at the wizards suspiciously.

"He is the most evil wizard ever, stealing people's magic so he can take over Evenlor and be king," said Morgan. "He can, like, explode an entire city, like this-" Morgan made a swooshing sound and sliced her hand through the air. "ultra fast."

"He sounds evil." said Froggie. "What if you're helping him?" Very fair point, I decided. Too bad he was wrong!!! Sam said, "We're not."

"I don't believe you," said Cheyenne, stomping up the stairs. Meanwhile, Morgan looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked, and Morgan said: "Toren stole my magic!"

Yes! In a magical world I am magic-less! How terrible!!! I wish I had powers, though... all I can remember is once, when I was a young child, me and Cheyenne were playing together, and a dark shadow came over us, so we couldn't see- wait a minute! The reason I don't have magic is someone came and swapped my powers for Cheyenne's non-powers! The reason Toren traded them is because he's scared of my ultra-powerful jujitsu! How dare he!

Hello! I am back for more... who is going to steal Cheyenne's magic??? WE SHALL FIND OUT THIS MYSTERY SOON!!!!

She started walking towards the door very quickly, and said: "Come on, Mochii, Froggie."

"That's Toren the torturer." said Sam who had dark brown hair and green eyes.

"He is the most evil wizard ever, stealing people's magic so he can take over Evenlor and be king," said Morgan. "He can, like, explode an entire city, like this-" Morgan made a swooshing sound and 0sliced her hand through the air. "ultra fast."

What's wrong?" I asked, and Morgan said: "Toren stole my magic!"

Yes! In a magical world I am magic-less! How terrible!!! I wish I had powers, though... all I can remember is once, when I was a young child, me and Cheyenne were playing together, and a dark shadow came over us, so we couldn't see- wait a minute! The reason I don't have magic is someone came and swapped my powers for Cheyenne's non-powers! The reason Toren traded them is because he's scared of my ultra-powerful jujitsu! How dare he!

yelled, and we ran out of the room, to the hallway as quickly as we could.

The next thing I know, the ground gets turned into mossy stairs, sending my slipping.

I raced into Cheyenne's room, (somewhere I'd never been before) and saw her sleeping in bed, surrounded by various horse stuffed animals I figured she was too old for.

A dark figure perched on the window sill, holding a bag filled with magical powder. It was swirling in the air.

Cheyenne sat up, screaming in pain. What do we do? I thought in a panicked manner.