She was called Zara and she always felt different from the rest. Her name was exotic and people around her could never pronounce her name properly. It was as if she never quite fit in with her surroundings, as if there was something wrong with her. She felt she was not good enough and that she could never live up to the expectations others had of her. Her classmates laughed at her and called her "idiotic" and "weird".
Her parents had high expectations of her and Zara wanted nothing more than to meet them. But no matter how hard she tried, it never seemed to be good enough. She was constantly criticised and compared to others. Zara was never satisfied with her own performance because she always wondered if it was enough.
Zara tried to change herself to fit in. She changed her dress style, her hair and her behaviour. She tried to be the person others wanted her to be, but it only made her more unhappy.
At school, she felt like an outsider. She did not get along well with her classmates and had only a few friends. She was often bullied and laughed at because of her exotic name and her otherness. All this began to gnaw at her and she became angry, very angry.
Zara felt increasingly disconnected from the world around her and one day it happened. She exploded. She shouted at her parents and said things she shouldn't have said. She pushed her friends away and locked herself in her room.
She was now affected by her surroundings and had turned into a person she no longer recognised. She had always been afraid of becoming like this, but now it had happened.
Zara continued to shut herself off from the world and began to focus on her anger. It consumed her completely and she became darker and darker. She became addicted to the adrenaline of anger and became more and more isolated.
One day, she realised she could no longer go on like this. She had lost control of her life and it was time to accept who she was. Zara decided to seek help, but it was too late.
Her dark side had taken over and she was caught in her own anger.
Zara's story shows how powerful the influence of the environment can be and how it can lead to anger and isolation. Her story is a warning that we must accept who we are and not let ourselves be influenced by the expectations of others. It is important to realise that anger and hatred are not a solution. Be kind to yourself and to others. Because in the end, we are all human, and we all have our own struggles to fight. Be who you are, and if people are telling you to be someone you aren't then just don't listen to them.
It is a sad story, but it is an important lesson.
Hey!
I really believe that this is awesome, mainly the "Zara continued to shut herself off from the world and began to focus on her anger. It consumed her completely and she became darker and darker. She became addicted to the adrenaline of anger and became more and more isolated." I think it delivers de message perfectly and it really gets to me.
Hey Rinisha! I might drop by to review more of your short stories in the not-too-distant future. But I am going to review this using the YWS S'more Method!
I loved this story, it is actualy kind of relatable, and also very sad, but it has a message at the end.
Top Graham Cracker - What I Know
Zara was a girl who was always bullied for being different. So she started to change herself to fit in, but it just made it worse. But from being around people who were so mean to her caused her to become very angry, because she was forced to be the same as everyone else. She tried to stop herself, but it was too late. The story closes with a message to the reader.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - Room for Improvements
While I love this story a lot because of its' storytelling and moral of the story, I think it could use some figurative language. I myself need to work on this too, so this is not me complaining or anything. I just think adding it might add more depth to the story.
Chocolate Bar - Highlights of the Piece
I really loved how relatable this was for me as a reader, and how well I understood Zara's journey from being an outsider to being very very angry because of her past. It truly made me feel sad for her, and understand that it is important to keep a kind environment. I also really liked how you wrapped up the story.
Closing Graham Cracker - Closing Thoughts
Overall, this was a very sweet and sad story, and teaches people that you should always be kind to others, so they won't want to hurt others or themselves. I'm sorry the review was so short, it's really late where I am. I hope to read more of your short stories in the future!
Happy Writing! 
This was a nice story with a valuable moral behind it. Many who have gone under the same experiences will find themselves relating to this story, feeling like a sore red spot in a sea of grey. It's also wonderful how you were able to write the story in a short yet heart-tugging way. The line that stood out to me the most was "It consumed her completely and she became darker and darker. She became addicted to the adrenaline of anger and became more and more isolated." It reminded me that even if our environment is like a literal hell, we still have the choice to live through it, lash out against it, or live life past it.
I do have some suggestions on how to improve the story. Perhaps you can use more vivid imagery to help drive the point home. How has her dark side taken over? Were her arms covered in self-inflicted scars? Was her heart numbed by the harsh winters she faced? These are just ideas to help you hehe
Overall, you did a pretty great job with this work. Keep the good work up!
Hey, Rinisha!
I feel like all your short stories here have an excellent moral tacked on at the end. So, let's get into it! From this story, there's an underlying moral about standing up to the crowd and being yourself. Changing yourself just doesn't work. You are one way and you can't change that no matter how hard you try. So, in the end, the only way to be happy is to be yourself.
I will say though, it might be an interesting bit to add about Zara being mad at herself for wanting to please people. Right now, it sounds like she's only really mad at her parents and peers. (Totally understandable. I'm not being sarcastic.) But, I think she's also reasonably be mad at herself, too. Maybe you could address that a bit?
So, do you just have like a list of unique names that you go through and say, that one I'll use for this? The list never seems to run out! Although, I will say, I did have a character named Zara when I was really little. I bet I probably thought that was unique. The character had a twin named Sara. But anyway...
Overall, cute, cute, cute. It's short, and it's got a good moral.
Quick things I forgot to add earlier...
"Her parents had high expectations of her and Zara wanted nothing more than to meet them."
There should be a comma between "her" and "and" in that sentence.
Lastly, maybe capitalize the title? (The title is what brought me here. I really like it and it fits well with the story )
-Kaia
I guess writers all speak the same language...Hello, this is Foxmaster!!!🦊
I have to say that this short story really describes the saying "quality over quantity." It was sad and you really made a point about how not to let people bring you down. To be honest, it puts emphasis over something I said once:
"Wrong or right, I will still be awesome." I said once when I got a question wrong. I have to say that the images were really cool and I really felt bad for Zara, which you made a good job of showing.
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This was a really interesting little tale here. Its short but its very punchy in terms of quite how much it showcases the impact of this particular situation and I think it does a great job bringing something like that to life in a pretty short package.
Anyway let's get right to it,
She was called Zara and she always felt different from the rest. Her name was exotic and people around her could never pronounce her name properly. It was as if she never quite fit in with her surroundings, as if there was something wrong with her. She felt she was not good enough and that she could never live up to the expectations others had of her. Her classmates laughed at her and called her "idiotic" and "weird".
Her parents had high expectations of her and Zara wanted nothing more than to meet them. But no matter how hard she tried, it never seemed to be good enough. She was constantly criticised and compared to others. Zara was never satisfied with her own performance because she always wondered if it was enough.
Zara tried to change herself to fit in. She changed her dress style, her hair and her behaviour. She tried to be the person others wanted her to be, but it only made her more unhappy.
At school, she felt like an outsider. She did not get along well with her classmates and had only a few friends. She was often bullied and laughed at because of her exotic name and her otherness. All this began to gnaw at her and she became angry, very angry.
Zara felt increasingly disconnected from the world around her and one day it happened. She exploded. She shouted at her parents and said things she shouldn't have said. She pushed her friends away and locked herself in her room.
She was now affected by her surroundings and had turned into a person she no longer recognised. She had always been afraid of becoming like this, but now it had happened.
Zara continued to shut herself off from the world and began to focus on her anger. It consumed her completely and she became darker and darker. She became addicted to the adrenaline of anger and became more and more isolated.
One day, she realised she could no longer go on like this. She had lost control of her life and it was time to accept who she was. Zara decided to seek help, but it was too late.
Her dark side had taken over and she was caught in her own anger.
Zara's story shows how powerful the influence of the environment can be and how it can lead to anger and isolation. Her story is a warning that we must accept who we are and not let ourselves be influenced by the expectations of others. It is important to realise that anger and hatred are not a solution. Be kind to yourself and to others. Because in the end, we are all human, and we all have our own struggles to fight. Be who you are, and if people are telling you to be someone you aren't then just don't listen to them.
It is a sad story, but it is an important lesson.
Be who you are, and if people are telling you to be someone you aren't then just don't listen to them.
Do not change yourself because of what other people say.
Let this story be a lesson for you!
- Rinisha
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