z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

boyhood kommos

by noahfencebut


boyhood kommos


On the nature of transitioning:


Gunlock child.

Ruined         by his nature,

his aching, gnawing

womb

heaving, almost retching—

the sour taste. The demon brine.

 And the heifer’s slicked newborn

haunts those lost ovules,

his body, canon fodder       to a cruel god.

Facing many graphic eruptions—

and there is no end in sight.

No drastic escape    looms.

This is cyclical.

Sisyphean.

Release stretches far away like a swelling

sea, hanging—taunting—like the fat full moon

and a cutthroat crowd watches; defines.

Here is a freak of nature / Here is a sick girl.

Find no end to it.

Find no deep muscle to purge.

Thrombosis lodged deep in his larynx

sees stutters          edge forth—

Oh, God. Oh, Jesus. Oh, Mary.

Why would you create me like this?

This body…

a death sentence

congenital:

under you, I am    purged,

under you, I am   drowned.

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10 Reviews

Points: 883
Reviews: 10

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Sun Mar 26, 2023 6:53 pm
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Nini wrote a review...



Heyy! Here up with a review
So this poem starts with an unborn; ruined by his nature.. defining it's demonic behaviour inside the womb
Then the child is upon the land and there how the devilish things start to happen, the details of the child made it look a freak which is more like something paranormal, "a demonic freak ,a canon fodder to a cruel king.
The part where the child cried out about herself to god and asks why they made her like this was so emotion full and sympathetic cuz at the same time it shows how dangerous it could be

And the last lines added highlights to the poem

Overall, it made me feel that you're a good writer on such themes. Gave off a mixed and horrific vibe, details were quite good.. keep up with this.. >>




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6 Reviews

Points: 41
Reviews: 6

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Sun Mar 26, 2023 2:12 am
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iriisblooms wrote a review...



Hi :) Iris here to leave a quick review!
One thing you've done wonderfully is including so many details in so few words. I often find that I don't like reading things where the author shoves a whole bunch of details into only a few words, but you didn't do this. You did the exact opposite of that and it's written amazingly <3 good job and I hope to read more someday! <3




noahfencebut says...


thank you so much <3




"Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood."
— George Orwell, 1984